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April-June, 2006

Gave My Heart

by Laurie Immekus

This is the story of how I wrote the poem, “Gave my Heart.”

One day I saw a panhandler. She reminded me of myself. I had run away from home at 17, and I’d lived on the streets of Chicago with a group of street kinds. We panhandled to get money to eat.

After that time was over and I had resumed what I thought of as a more acceptable existence, I had feelings of shame and guilt that would come up when I thought about my life as a runaway.

So one day, years later, after I had taken the glorious path of Spirit, I saw a panhandler, and something started to move in me. Up to that point, I think I just didn’t allow myself to see panhandlers. When I saw this panhandler, I told myself I was in a hurry and didn’t have time to give her anything. But she continued to remain in my mind. What I didn’t know was, in Mind, I was ready for healing, and so I must have called her to show herself to me, to show me myself, to show Self.

As I thought about her, I saw I needed to forgive myself for what I deeply regretted, for what I feared to look at, for what I felt guilty about but was not guilty about. For everything unreal. And in so doing I allowed Holy Spirit to heal more of my mind. So she was a savior to me. I saw we were One.
In the world’s perspective, all this trust. Later I came upon someone outside the grocery store with a sign “Will work for Food.” I stopped my car, got out, and gave him some money. I think it was $20. On the way home I realized that I was wishing I had given him more money. I realized later that I was forgiving my runaway self through him, seeing the Light in both of us, and healing the past in the present.

I see quiet saviors everywhere, allowing us to give to ourselves and see our own Divinity in another person’s face. We all are saviors for each other, for those whom we don’t think we know but do know. We are each other. I am grateful to all of you.

Here, then, is the poem.

Gave My Heart

Saw a beggar
passed her by
I wish I’d given
All my change.

Saw a panhandler
Gave all my change
I wish I’d given
All my paper money.

Saw a brother
Gave all my paper money
I wish I’d given
My heart.

Saw a savior
Gave my heart.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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