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January-March, 2005

Giving Thanks for Miracles

by Rev. Barbara Kraetsch, O.M.C.

When I let go of the past, I can come to forgiveness now. How often the past wants to assert itself. Here comes the memory of our failure to be open and giving. Here comes the memory of our quiet resentment or anxiety. Here comes the memory of our judgment against our brother, maybe it was unspoken verbally, but it was there in our attitude and actions. We distanced ourselves from others.

I did this on Thanks-giving Day. In all the hustle-bustle, I felt resentment at all the work of putting on the big dinner. I felt judgment toward family members for their perceived failures. I felt jangled when the turkey roasting pan sprung a leak in the oven. I was not entirely peaceful. Realizing that this was all about me, not about my family or the smoking oven that still needs to be cleaned, I am left with forgiving myself for my perceived failures. In some ways I find this embarrassing to say to myself because, as a Course student, I think that my mind should never be in these petty thoughts. I think I should be farther along by now on the path to perfect peace. But I find myself saying once again that I am still in need of major mind healing.

In order to come to true forgiveness of myself for not being ‘perfect’ in the happy dream world, I must let go of all thoughts of harm. I must believe truly that no harm can occur from negative thoughts, even negative actions of complaining or distancing. The only way to God is through forgiveness. I must come to God in the appointed way because there is no other, and that means really coming to grasp the idea that sin remains impossible.

When I sit in the now moment, I feel forgiveness for myself and others. But the ego brings memory of the instant where I failed to see the Christ in me and my brother, just like a little reliving of the moment I thought I separated from God. Reliving the instant of the tiny mad idea over and over, the ego keeps bringing up the past and the idea of ‘what if’ harm really occurred. It’s the same guilt recycled again and again in a different form, a different sounding ‘what if,’ but the same underneath.

There is no embarrassment in looking at our mistakes — looking at them straight on and admitting we believed bodies real for a time. If I let the ego convince me that this keeps me from forgiveness, then I cherish the mistake and give it power. I did cherish the mistake for a little while as I allowed the ego thought system to keep bringing the memory to me. Today, God is my only goal. I let go of these ego memories of an illusive past. The thoughts weren’t real then and they are not real now. I can replace the dream of guilt with the dream of forgiveness by letting go of the memories of the past. I can only do this with the help of Holy Spirit. I am dependent on Him for this healing.

Only letting go of the past brings us to the now moment where we experience the miracle of healing. Only in letting go of the past can we come to true forgiveness of self for perceived shortcomings, because it is only in the now moment that we can see they truly have no effect. No harm was possible and no harm was done, not to anyone else, not to me. All is well.

Silly thoughts remain silly thoughts — they cannot keep me from God if I choose God as my only goal. Forgiveness is the way to return my mind to Him. I forgive myself for thinking I am sinful and pretending to be. Holy Spirit is right there with me, helping me to release the burden of the illusion.

What relief to let go of the past. No need to struggle against ego memories or push them away. I let go of the past by looking through the mistake to see the truth. I look with forgiving eyes to see only the love that was present, is present now and always will be present. I look with forgiving eyes and witness the sharing, the joy, the laughter, the giving of thanksgiving, the coming together in love.

The Christ was present at Thanksgiving. I see Him now with Holy Spirit’s eyes. That is all that is important really — that I see Him now. All else is a false past that never was. The miracle of seeing is now. I give thanks for miracles that come everyday that I let go of what never was and accept the truth of love with the help of Holy Spirit.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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