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Sept.-Dec., 2024

God’s Peace and Joy Really Are Mine!

by Shelly Woods, ACIM Practitioner Student

I have been an ACIM student for 6 years and have been a member of a 12- step Recovery program for almost 24 years. In my first few years in recovery, one of my counselors was a student of the Course. I really liked her calming presence and her patient attitude.

One day, while sitting in her waiting room, I noticed a thick blue book on the shelf. I picked it up, and within five minutes, I put it back. I was not ready. I remember saying to myself, huh? As I read the first Lesson: “Nothing I see in this room [on this street, from this window, in this place] means anything.” (W-1)

Fast forward 18 years and a strong desire was building within me. I was studying several spiritual paths, which helped me tremendously, but there was something missing. It did not quench that deep desire. Reverend Myron entered my life, and at the same time, I also had an experience while doing a past life transgression session. During this process, I met Jesus, and this intense burning Love overcame me. It was too much to comprehend or take in, but I knew in that moment that my desire would be quenched if I followed him.

And know this: I was in no way a follower of Jesus Christ. I had been raised in a religion that I eventually turned away from with huge resentment because the Church instilled so much shame and guilt. Even so, after the experience of meeting Jesus, I took the leap and jumped into this deal, and what a journey! 

So far, my experiences with ACIM teachings have been varied. I literally felt like I was going to die (actually, it was the ego fighting back very hard, so basically, the death of the ego). I hung in, though, and then I would, and still do, experience this deep peace and contentment that came from making that firm decision to choose Jesus as my teacher and let him heal my mind.

I am currently completing the Pathways of Light Course 908: Abundance Awareness with my ACIM teacher and dear friend, Reverend Myron Jones. We also finished the Pathways of Light Course 902: Remembering to Choose Peace. Reverend Myron has truly been a beacon of Light and Love for me. I have healed so much, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

As part of our assignment in 908: Abundance Awareness, Reverend Myron and I were sharing our thoughts on Workbook Lesson 105, God’s peace and joy are mine.

After reading my share on this, Rev. Myron suggested I submit this to Pathways of Light.

From everything I have learned or am learning in ACIM and this course, I have become very aware of the law of God — giving and receiving are one. In the past, I would give and experience that feeling of loss and lack, especially when it comes to monetary giving.

One example, for instance, is when my money is low, I get anxious and limit my donations. Ego tells me, “You won’t have enough left for yourself, and you will have to do without!” Now that I understand the law of giving is receiving, even when that thought comes up, I donate anyway and ask that my mind be healed, and it works!

Another thing I have come to understand is that I used to give out to alleviate guilt – and I now know that never works. Here is something I read that reinforced what I was learning from course 908.

In this passage on Lesson 105 from a book written by Thomas Wakechild titled – “Understanding a Course in Miracles Workbook lessons” – on page 228, he says: “In this world of form, when giving something to another, you lose that item. Form cannot be shared. The receiver is the benefactor, and the giver loses what has been given. This egoic mindset that surrounds the act of giving reinforces both parties’ belief in lack, limitation, fear and separation. One party is perceived as being in need of something outside of itself to make them happy or reduce their suffering. The other is asked to sacrifice the little they have to reduce their guilt about having too much.”

The author also writes “Ideas can be shared. It is the intent behind the giving, not the form of the gift that determines what is truly given. Are you giving due to your belief about abundance or reducing your own guilt for having too much?  Are you giving hope or confirming your belief in dependency? Are you giving because you are guided to do so or because you will gain some reward? You must look at why you give and not what you give.  When you give to another is your gift really a trojan horse with some self-serving hidden agenda?”

Wow! These are great questions to ask myself. Since becoming a student of this ACIM, I have become very aware of when I give to get. I am also seeing that when I give, I receive — that giving and receiving are one — not separate.

When I got sober, I was always hearing this saying – “We give it away so we can keep it.” This meant that by sharing my experience, strength and hope with another person in recovery would help keep me sober — it would get me out of this self-centered thinking, and it would expand the Love I had inside. It was free, and it was fun. I now see that even this implies lack — that if I did not do this — I would perish in a sea of alcoholism. But this did start me on the road of giving and receiving.

As an only child, my friends would come over to play, and I would give each of them one of my toys, especially the new toys. But then, as they would leave, my mom would take the toys away, leaving my friends very upset. Everyone thought it was so sweet that, at a young age, I was so unselfish. But I mainly did this because I wanted to be liked and accepted.

I have given away a lot throughout my life to avoid being abandoned or rejected. If I gave you my love and attention and my entire self, you would be put on my mental scorecard. I would expect certain things from you, like more attention, more money, more time… more everything.

I wanted to be special in your life. Sometimes, I would get those things, and then I would raise the bar. It was never enough to fill that big hole inside of me. So, of course, my anger, resentment, and jealousy would fester and grow. I would see myself as a victim.

Today, I give the Holy Spirit these beliefs in lack, loss, and guilt and ask that they be undone and healed. I then try my best to let go and allow the healing to take place.

He always answers — all I have to do is accept this gift. So, today, I try to stay aware of these transactional deals I put upon my relationships. If I do this or that, then I will get this or that in return. It is shocking how much I do this.

But it is reassuring to know that I have Jesus and the Holy Spirit as my healing teachers. It doesn’t get any better than that, right?

I see this scarcity and guilt thinking that comes from a firmly held belief of this deep sense of loss. That is ego — that is how we made ego! So, I remain vigilant in letting go of these blocks to God’s peace and joy, which is my inheritance.

In the Text of ACIM, Chapter 16, Section V, Jesus tells us,

“Most curious of all is the concept of the self which the ego fosters in the special relationship. This “self” seeks the relationship to make itself complete. Yet when it finds the special relationship in which it thinks it can accomplish this it gives itself away, and tries to “trade” itself for the self of another. This is not union, for there is no increase and no extension. Each partner tries to sacrifice the self he does not want for one he thinks he would prefer. And he feels guilty for the “sin” of taking, and of giving nothing of value in return. How much value can he place upon a self that he would give away to get a “better” one?

The “better” self the ego seeks is always one that is more special. And whoever seems to possess a special self is “loved” for what can be taken from him.” (T-16.V. 7:1-8,8:1-2)

This was another wow moment! I have this written in one of my prayer journals and I read it when I see that I am attempting to sabotage my relationships with myself and others. It reminds me to turn from ego and turn to Jesus. It is always my choice…my decision.

© 2024, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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