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July-September, 2022

Grace in Covidian Times

By Rev. Vicki Rostant, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

On Monday, May 16th, 2022, I started the workbook lesson 361. The same lesson is repeated for 5 days:

“This holy instant would I give to You. Be You in charge. For I would follow You, Certain that Your direction gives me peace.”

Having re-read the text, I had started the lessons again in September, 2020, mostly doing a new one daily, but there were lessons I needed to sit with for several days at a time before moving on, hence the long time-frame. 

By Thursday, May 19th, it was clear that my partner, a Teacher, and I both had the COVID-19 virus. We had been having relatively mild cold/flu symptoms for a couple of days, so we each did the rapid home test.  Although my partner tested positive, I kept testing negative, but our doctor said to assume I have it, since I was also having symptoms.

Energy levels were low and afternoon naps were essential. The next several days are a bit of a blur, as my mind seemed to lose all focus, except for one thing: the constant repetition of the above lesson, throughout the day, over several days. Also in there from time to time was Mary’s voice saying, “What is this here to teach me?”

Part of my journey through this process, obviously with Holy Spirit holding my hand, included an awareness of the extent of the insanity of the ego thought system and the hell caused by belief in illusions; the darkness and debilitating fear that the belief in separation engenders. However, every time this came up, immediately standing next to it was the Peace of God. Never, at any time, did I feel that I would be consumed by the despair. The Light of Love was always there. I had no fear of COVID-19 or its effects on my body. I felt free of attachment to the body, not caring if it continued to breathe or not.

As the symptoms slowly abated, though energy levels continued to be low and lots of sleep was still necessary, I felt a lightness of Being that I’ve never felt before.

As I reported in the Pathways of Light teleconference meeting on Sunday, I felt like “mud was being washed off me!” I felt a taste of Freedom. Now, my mind feels quiet; there is a detachment from the things of the world. I’m enjoying the feeling of not having any vested interest in the way anything turns out. I believe that my little willingness, and a steadfast study and application of the Course, especially in the past two years, has led me to this peace.

As Jesus says in the Introduction to the Course, “The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence, which is your natural inheritance.” (T-in.1:6-7)   

Gratitude.

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