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October-December, 2018

Healing My Inner Child

by Tacey Reese, Ministerial Candidate

I began the Pathways of Light ministerial classes this year and have received so much from the meditations and exercises. This experience is from the “Sharing with Your Inner Child” meditation in Course 112: Knowing Your True Purpose.

During the guided meditation I find my infant self clothed only in a cloth diaper, sitting on the brown braided rug in the living room. She’s smiling, happy. I pick her up and her eyes are bright, shining love all over me. I bask in that love. We’re in a cocoon of love and I can’t look away from her eyes shining that love all over me and spilling out to fill the space we’re in.

I admire the rest of her, perfect skin, delicate fingers and toes and lustrous dark hair and I realize she is perfect. She came to this world perfect and a sense of relief washes over me. There’s nothing I can tell this infant that she doesn’t already know. I feel like she has comforted me.

Next I see her walking in the woods, solumn, brow furrowed. She’s looking at the ground, at the path she’s traversing, the path that’s there only because she has walked this same forest in the same way so many times. She is six and has to start first grade soon.

She’s worried because she knows things are going to change and not in a good way. Although she couldn’t tell you how they’re going to change, she just knows this change will take her farther from that quiet place inside where she prefers to dwell. In that quiet place she can rememer, almost, Who She Really Is and while she has no words for It, It comforts her and brings her joy. When she tried to talk to the grownups about all these thoughts inside her, they acted like she just didn’t want to do what she’s supposed to do, which is go to school. She’s scared of conformity, althought she doesn’t know yet what that word even means and she’s scared of forgetting her true nature, of losing that quiet place inside.

I go to her side and she seems surprised that a grownup has joined her here in the woods. I talk to her gently and I tell her that yes, things are changing and no, you won’t like all of it, but you survived all the changes. I tell her that yes, her greatest fears will come to pass, but so will her greatest hopes and that the Love She Is will refuse to be forgotten.

I tell her that yes, she will conform for a while but that before long, she’ll be angering all the grownups with her non-conformity and that eventually, when she’s an adult, many many moons from now, her mom will tell her how she admired that about her, and how the very traits that irritated her so much and seemed to cause so much turmoil between them also caused her to believe in her. And then I tell her how one day, even further away than that day, much further, that she’d be sitting in her living room writing about our encounter and about how she did survive her greatest fears and with all of the Love She Is, intact.

She perked up a lot at that and looked up at me with eyes as bright as her infant self’s. She grabbed my hand and asked if I wanted to swing on her bag swing first. “If you jump off the doghouse roof, you can swing really high!” she exclaimed. “I do,” I said, and off we ran towards the swing, towards the life waiting for us.

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