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October-December, 2004

Healing Is Coming Home to God

by Rev. Linda Wisniewski, O.M.C.

Over the 4th of July, I attended a six day course at Pathways of Light titled, 905: Holy Relationships vs. Special Relationships. One of the issues I have been working with has been the special relationship I have created with my body. For most of my life, I have been identified with my body through sickness and pain. I am learning through the Course that, “The body is the ego’s home by its own election. It is the only identification with which the ego feels safe since the body’s vulnerability is its own best argument that you cannot be of God.” (T-4.V.4:1-2)

Before I found Pathways of Light, I identified myself as a nonbeliever for most of my adult life. I wasn’t fully aware that I was angry with God because I was so focused on the pain and symptoms in my body. Even as I began my studies at Pathways, I felt ambivalent about my relationship with God; so, it wasn’t surprising that on the first day of the program on Holy vs. Special Relationships, I experienced a severe headache which lasted an entire day. Even aspirin wouldn’t bring relief. On the second day I experienced such severe heartburn I was certain I was having a heart attack. Nothing relieved it till I regurgitated. I was scared and thought I should stay home and not continue with the program.

Jesus tells us in the Course how all sickness, lack and dis-ease is really a defense against truth. We are afraid of our unity with God and in our insanity we will try to make the body stronger than the truth by making the body sick. “The ego’s survival depends on our continuing to believe that the bodies and the world of form seen through the body’s eyes are real, to keep the ego the ruler of your mind.” (Course 909, Wellness Through Mind Healing. p. 11)

The symptoms of heartburn came to try to stop me from pursuing the truth and remembering my oneness with God and Love. However, I knew if I stopped ego would win and want to continue to destroy me. I asked Holy Spirit to guide me through this and lead me to healing.

I shared what was happening to me with the other students in the class. One of the students offered to work with me doing some mindfulness body work and clearing, which involved forgiveness through releasing guilt. “We need to understand the deeply hidden motivations behind our choice of sickness, suffering and pain.” (Course 909, Wellness Through Mind Healing. p.1)

During the lunch break, the student guided me through a mindfulness process asking me to notice where I was holding tension in my body and to speak from that place. “The body which the ego made is simply our vehicle for learning the lessons we need. It has no other purpose. It has no life of its own.” (Karen Casey, Daily Meditations for Practicing the Course: Jan. 31st)

“The body only reflects what the mind projects.”(Daily Meditations: March 3rd) I noticed a lot of tightening in my throat and experienced rage coming up. I was asked to speak from that rage as if I was that rage. Rage I never expressed came forcefully tumbling out. It was being directed at my biological father.

I was guided to go deeper and listen to the words I was expressing. All of a sudden I stopped and realized that the words, “You abandoned me;” “You were never there for me.” “I hate you;” were really the unconscious rage I felt against God projected onto my biological father and other authority figures. The Course states: “He (the god of sickness) is the symbol of deciding against God.” (T-10.IV.1:7) “To deny God will ultimately result in projection and you will believe that others and not yourself have done this to you.” (T-10.V.2:1)

All the projected rage I had repressed was coming out into the light. My belief that my biological father was not there for me was really my unconscious false ego belief that God was not there for me; that He was angry with me for having separated from Him and as a result I falsely believed I deserved to be punished for having left Him. This resulted in guilt that was being projected onto others and was being expressed in bodily symptoms.

Ego wanted to make the body real to distract me from remembering the truth — that my Home is in God and not in the body. “With this desire to separate from God comes the belief that we are guilty. We project that God would punish us for our ‘graven sins’ of separating from Him,” (Course 909: Wellness Through Mind Healing, p.2) “In our arrogance, we decided that God hates us for what we have done and now it is the vengeance of God that is the cause of all our misery.” (Course 909: Wellness Through Mind Healing, p.2)

During the clearing process, I was guided to remember my true Identity. I received the message that I had no need to feel guilty. I never left God and God never left me. I heard the message that I am loved because I am of God; I am perfect in that Love because I am of Him.

As I heard His words of Love for me, I felt the release of guilt and knew a deep healing had taken place, a healing that came out of forgiveness for forgetting my true Identity as Love. The Course states, “Forgiveness is the means by which we will remember. Through forgiveness the thinking of the world is reversed. The forgiven world beckons the gate of Heaven because by its mercy we can at last forgive ourselves. Holding no one prisoner to guilt, we become free.”(Preface xiii)

I felt overjoyed and bathed in peace. The bodily symptoms stopped, for the purpose was served. I needed to withdraw the projections, release the guilt through forgiveness and welcome myself Home into the loving arms of God, my True Home. It wasn’t an accident that I was being led by Holy Spirit to go to Pathways of Light and spend the week learning about Holy vs. Special Relationships.“Healing is returning to the thoughts of God; healing is letting go of separation, specialness and letting Oneness return at last.”(Course 909: Wellness Through Mind Healing)

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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