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October-December, 2012

Holy Spirit, I Am Here

by Rev. Myron Jones, O.M.C.

Through my study of A Course in Miracles, I learned that when I didn’t know what to do to be happy, I could ask the Holy Spirit for help and He would guide me to the right action. Often, when I brought my fears and doubts or my wrong-minded thinking to Him and in faith would ask that my mind be healed, all my distress would dissolve away and peace would take its place.

These were miraculous moments. I began to do this more and more until there were fewer instances of stubbornness, where I thought I didn’t need help. The practice itself brought new conviction to my words and a stronger desire for a healed mind. Then it seemed that I was doing this almost without any gaps at all, watching my mind for thoughts that were not of God, asking the Holy Spirit to correct my thinking and heal my mind.

In spite of my progress, it seemed that no matter how hard I tried, I could not move any further. I could not be free of ego and yet, it seemed I should be able to do that. I often had the thought, “I let go of this thought, but I am not there yet.” “There” was an elusive state of being, my goal, but a goal I seemed never quite worthy to meet. I had the feeling that I needed to do more, work harder, then all the conditions would be met and I would be happy. I would be different. I would be “there.”

It is so easy to become confused about my role in this awakening process. I set out with the intention of learning to follow Holy Spirit’s guidance and to step back and allow Him to heal my mind, but without realizing it I decided on my own what my goal was and how I must meet that goal. I decided that my mind must be free of ego thinking. Having set that as my goal, I then judged myself for failing to meet it.

This is the ego way of preserving itself; establish a solution that cannot succeed. Innocence is a condition of freedom so I cannot be free because I judge myself as guilty. I couldn’t figure out what to do next. I knew that I could step aside completely, that I could allow the Holy Spirit to lead at all times, not just when I decided I needed His guidance, but I didn’t know how.

What I did know is that I am meant to be free and I knew that consistent and persistent desire would eventually get me “there.” I just kept asking the Holy Spirit to help me. The Holy Spirit answers in many ways. Sometimes it comes as a whisper into my Heart. Sometimes I finally hear what a teacher is saying, or read the words I need in a book. This time, my sister stepped forward to offer me her hand and to walk me out of doubt and into certainty.

Through her, the Holy Spirit told me that I could just “be” where I longed to be. The message she came to deliver was that there was no place to go, that I was already there. She told me the same thing over and over in different words. She waited patiently for my acceptance until I finally said yes. All along, all I needed to be there was to accept that I was.

If I were to describe how it was different, I would say that, instead of continually stepping aside and allowing the Holy Spirit to lead when I was in trouble, I simply stepped aside. Now He is at the helm. He is the unwavering Presence in my mind. Even when I have moments of confusion, I am never confused about that. I know that the only thing that happens to cause the confusion is that I am looking out at the world through the ego’s eyes. It means nothing and I stop. I laugh when I think how in the past I made this seem so hard.

Holy Spirit, this change in the way I feel is miraculous. What would you have me know about this?

Holy Spirit: You do not need to know how this works, and it would not be possible to completely explain this in words. Your desire and acceptance are what is needed to allow this to happen. From desire it flows naturally and will flow until impeded by non-acceptance.

Me: Is this like when I desired to know who I was, but could not believe I was ready? 

Holy Spirit: Yes. Your doubt was the block that kept the process stalled. In a holy instant, born of desire and faith, you joined with your sister in purpose and what you call a “shift” occurred. Do you recall doing anything to make this happen? 

Me: No. I simply said, “Yes.” Everything else just happened. After that there was still doubt in my mind, but it was like a shadow, there but not there. I felt like waiting to see what would happen, knowing that what would happen would be perfect and the timing would be perfect. It was joyful. 

Holy Spirit: Now you must protect your decision by making it again daily. You will find this effortless and just as joyful if you dedicate a few moments of time each morning and each evening for this purpose. Do not feel the pressure to do something in those moments. Your desire to give that time is all that is needed. The rest will be done for you. 

I see that in the past I have often forgotten that very important part; it will be done for me. I don’t need to make anything happen, and I don’t need to make myself worthy. My worthiness has already been established by God in my creation. All that seems to be required of me is that I desire it fully, and that I accept it. 

Holy Spirit, I am here.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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