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July - September, 2008

I Am That I Am

Rev. Myron Jones

I was at Pathways of Light this past weekend for a workshop with Regina Dawn Akers and Laurent Elie Levy. It was a very inspiring workshop and I felt my heart open to their teachings. Regina is the scribe for The Holy Spirit’s Interpretation of the New Testament. I study this scripture as I do A Course in Miracles. It was wonderful to hear Regina and Laurent teaching from it, but it was equally wonderful to share this experience with the others who came to the workshop.

I felt like I was truly having a Oneness experience as I joined with these lovely people for the purpose of awakening. Pathways of Light is a beautiful, peaceful environment for this kind of work and each day was filled, not only with helpful teachings from Regina and Laurent, but was also enriched by the generous sharing of all those present. As Regina and Laurent shared their thoughts on the passages from NTI that they were guided to teach from, we also shared our thoughts as well. It was wonderful.

I often think of these kinds of workshops as spiritual nourishment, but this past weekend was more like a spiritual feast. I wish I had gotten everyone’s email address so that I could thank each one personally for the gift of their presence. Our joining began with morning coffee and went without interruption until we finally gave into the night and went to sleep. No wonder I came home feeling like I was walking on air! I have been so filled with love and joy since I got back that it periodically leaks from my eyes as tears.

On one of the days Regina talked about “I am that I am.” Something within me shifted. My vision sharpened. How do I describe the experience of remembering that which I have hidden from myself for so very long?

Quite honestly I no longer remember exactly what Regina said about “I am that I am.” The memory it awoke within me has captured my attention fully. I am having trouble finding words to describe my experience. I see myself as radiant light and that is what I am. That is the Self that cannot be altered. It is the Self that is as God created it. I see experience flowing through this Self. If it were on a movie screen you would see a shadow pass through the light, and when the shadow was gone, the light would remain exactly as it was before the shadow.

I am that I am. All of the experiences I think of as life are just shadows which have not power to change my true self. Thursday night I was talking to my daughter and my retirement plans (or rather, the lack thereof) came up. When we were through talking I realized that I was feeling a lot of anxiety about our conversation. The more I thought about it the worse I felt. At first I tried to get away from it by telling myself that it was ok and there was nothing to worry about, and when that didn’t work, I tried distracting myself with a little shopping. Then I just sat with it and allowed myself to experience what I was feeling.

I used to try to avoid these kinds of experiences, but as Regina said this weekend, everything is Love. When I allow fear to simply be and stop trying to dodge it, I realize that it is just an energy. I have not yet, been able to experience it as neutral, though I understand that this is the truth. Like everything else, it is neutral until I give it some meaning. Letting myself simply be with the experience of fear is how I am looking at it with the Holy Spirit, and how I am letting go of the meaning I gave it. It is Love because Love is all there is. Knowing this will help me allow the Holy Spirit to change the meaning I have given fear. But that night I was having trouble surrendering so as I fell asleep I asked the Holy Spirit to help me in my dreams. I seem to be less resistant in my night dreams than in my day dream.

When I woke up I was back to being in joy. With a laugh I realized that my fearful thoughts of the evening before were just the ego mind reacting in fear at the thought of awakening. In spite of the fear of last night, the worry and anxiety, my essence remains unchanged. I am as God created me, radiant Light, untouched by my experiences. I am, still, as I am.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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