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January-March, 2021

One in Forgiveness

by Rev. Michael Atkins, Ordained Ministrial Counselor

“You’re out of your mind, Michael. Lay down on the floor, you hippie, take your Ritalin — and call 911.”

My Father frequently enjoyed telling me I was going to hell, mostly because I didn’t see eye-to-eye with him and Jonathan Edwards on the subject of “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.” The quote above was his canned response to me whenever I would attempt to share the thought of God’s perfection making it impossible for Him to create something He would want to destroy.

When I was younger, his mockery of my beliefs simply served as more evidence that my strategy of seeking for the truth on my own was correct. I felt that I had to defend myself from those who would twist God’s words to serve their own purposes, establishing themselves as my superiors; the chosen ones, keepers of a higher knowledge who had every right to tell an ignorant, low-life spiritual peasant like myself how I should interpret His messages and what I should believe.

As you may have guessed from the words I chose to illustrate that last point, this was a difficult lesson for me. My persistent belief in victimhood blinded me to my own unforgiveness and the fact that I was perpetuating separation by justifying it in my own mind this way.

Many years were spent in a spiritual stalemate through my choice to isolate myself from the perceived harmful influence of others. It took me quite a long time to realize that I could never find love on my own.

In fact, “finding love on my own” is actually a very good description of the ego’s plan for salvation! Looking for love through the mind of fear. Separating out a self from all of Creation and utilizing judgment and defense to protect this self from what is harmful and “bad” in an attempt to achieve some measure of temporary happiness in a hostile and, ultimately, lethal world.

Love is the opposite of alone. It is sharing. True joining through sharing is found in this world through forgiveness. Forgiveness is the letting go of all those thoughts of fear and conflict in our minds that we would use to justify our desire to remain separate from one another. It is these thoughts that block our awareness of the desire to Love that is the sole motivation of everyone in everything they do or strive for.

Love is our only will, and this will we share with our Creator, who truly just wants us to be happy. His Will is perfect, and so He created All for All, that His Son may be happy with everything that is, forever.

We can restore the memory of our oneness with all by joining through forgiveness here. Forgiveness is practice in the special lesson of giving and receiving are one. As we forgive all the thoughts that we hold against our brother, we set them free. In that very instant, we realize we are forgiven as well as we let our thoughts of conflict go.

We see the face of Christ in our brothers as the thoughts that had blocked our awareness of Love are removed by our own willingness to let our True Self take them from us and replace them with the gift of His enlightened perception which alone reflects the truth. We learn to see in every encounter the desire to Love.

As I see my brother, I will see myself. And so will I see God. All are One, even here. We can shut our eyes against the truth, but we can’t really hide from it.

As I became willing to let go of my long-held fears of persecution and feelings of unworthiness and opened up to others, allowing myself to be vulnerable and sharing my own cherished insights, which, for so long, I had wanted to protect from the potential attacks of those who might disagree with me.

I learned that there is no one I need to fear. Everyone is here for my own best good, no matter what the appearance may be. The will to Love is always visible. Even anger, rejection and attack are the witnesses for the desire for Love.

Every time that I can avoid the temptation to respond in kind to a negative experience and instead forgive that thought and that interpretation of conflict and attack in my own mind, it brings a deeper and more durable peace that I find I can share with others. Love inspires Love. Forgiveness heals all.

Interestingly enough, as I was in the process of writing this, I received a gift of confirmation from Spirit in the form of an amazingly relevant Pathways of Light Daily Inspiration, which shares the same idea:

“To restore Love to our awareness, we need to let go of the past through forgiveness. This is why the Course’s central focus is on forgiveness. Itis the means for restoring our mind to the awareness of Love’s oneness. Weare so entrenched in the beliefs of the ego thought system that we need toask for help from the Teacher Who knows that only Love is real.”

Separation is insanity. The cure is unity, and the means is the forgiveness of all the thoughts we hold in our minds that block our awareness of the ever-present Love that motivates us all.

I’m still working on my own lessons. But I can laugh about it now. I tell myself that “you’re out of your mind” is the one thought the ego has given me that is true. I am out of my right mind whenever I’m attempting to justify unforgiveness. And it is insane to be afraid of Love when I know nothing could bring me more joy. Yet, by the grace of God and through the divine guidance of the Voice within us all, we are constantly reminded of what we already know to be true. I am so grateful to be here now and to know I am so much closer than I’ve ever been to the day when I will fearlessly cry out for all the world to hear: “I Love You!”

And Dad, I know that everything you did and said was motivated by your desire to love me. Your anger was a mistaken projection of the upsetting belief that you were not finding in me the love you instinctively knew you deserved. The hurt and anger I felt in response was due to my mistaken belief that you did not love me, which is all I ever wanted because I loved, and do love you, so much. Now I remember all those times you said that you just wanted me to be happy. I believe you. Thank you for being here for me in this life and all you did to help me be what I was meant to be. 

Peace.

“Be not afraid of love. For it alone can heal all sorrow, wipe away all tears, and gently waken from his dream of pain the Son whom God acknowledges as His.” (W-pII.10.4:2-3)

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