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April-June, 2022

Plan, What Plan? Spirit’s of Course

by Rev. Robin Singler, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

This journey of undoing the concepts I believe in sure is a ride of surprises! The last couple of years of my life have been a fast-moving series of changes: Leaving a stable job to move to three different states, getting divorced, relying on the kindness of others for places to live, recovering from a disabling knee injury, and bouncing from job to job with little more than a couple weeks of cash in my bank account at times.

Each event along the way has come with intense periods of darkness; I’ve had to face my belief that events and circumstances could have been avoided if only I’d been better at something; forgiveness, making decisions, loving myself and others, practicing the Course, etc. If I weren’t so flawed, stupid and resistant, I wouldn’t have to go through this, that and the other thing. The main message these thoughts tell me is that I’m not good enough, and that everything “bad” is my fault and I deserve punishment.

These periods of deep suffering always have the same result, though. Eventually I am brought to the point where I’ve had enough pain and I take a BIG step back in my mind and remember that God doesn’t agree with me, that I must be wrong. How could I be as guilty and condemned as I tell myself I am? The habit of relying on my own interpretations of my life is being undone with each life event.

As I’m willing to surrender and let Spirit help me, I see that the events in my life are necessary to lead me back to my True Self within, the only place where any lasting relief comes from. Suddenly my mind is lifted into higher awareness and what I’ve judged as being so wrong becomes a tremendous gift of healing.

I realize I’ve been given just what I need in the present and that I really can trust that the events are not happening as a punishment; they are miracles wrapped in packaging I would never have welcomed in the form they came in. Then I find I have great strength to draw from that is not my own, and I can move on to the next step with gratitude and greater trust. Then the next big change comes and the process starts again.

Most recently, Spirit sent me to Wisconsin to live with my mom and brother, which is where I’ve been since last October. I’ve been avoiding looking closely at these relationships and letting them be healed for over 40 years, and while it’s been very challenging to feel the feelings of wanting to change family, once again I’m letting go of the need to fix or change any of it.

Spirit is showing me I don’t have a choice if I’m to be happy. It’s just that simple. I have to let go of what I’ve been holding onto since I was a child; the story of victimization, the need to blame and take responsibility for the dynamics that make me feel so uncomfortable. I’ve been shown that its safe now to let it be as it is; it’s why I’ve been sent here. There is no other purpose to my being here, and now its time to move onto the next change.

I received strong guidance last month that this phase is ending and I’m to leave this living situation. When I reached out to Robert and Mary at Pathways of Light to post something to the Minister’s Forum about living with others on the ACIM path, they invited me to come live with them in Huntley, which is less than two hours from where I currently live.

Oh my Lord, I’ve been given such a miracle! By the time this article is published, dear reader, I’ll be moved into a beautiful space held in the Purpose of Awakening from the dream of separation and will be supporting this wonderful organization in many ways. It was so easy; no manipulation or planning was needed on my part! I’m still getting used to how easy Spirit makes everything when I step back and let Him lead the way and place my trust in Him. What an amazing gift!

Of course He’s not done undoing my belief in vulnerability! Just this week, I was unexpectedly released from the work-from-home job I’ve had the last three months. I thought the job would continue for some time, but I was wrong again. The thoughts of unworthiness and fears around money came up but they are passing by quickly.

If the last three years have taught me anything, its that Spirit always has a plan for me, and I can’t understand it from my limited perspective so there’s no use in trying. He’s told me, “You’ll always have a place to land” and He means that in every aspect of my life. I trust that this miracle move and the release from my job will bring gifts that I can’t possibly comprehend from where I now stand.

I’m willing to step forward and rely on the Spirit for my safety and Peace instead of trying to find it in my own plan which has never worked or even come true. Who’s plan? Certainly not mine. Life is much easier to navigate when I don’t try to steer it. Spirit is in the drivers seat and I can kick up my feet, relax and enjoy. And that is cause for celebration and gratitude.

© 2022, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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