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January-March, 2013

Surrender

by Rev. Peggy Rivera, O.M.C.

I thought when I grew up and moved out of my parents’ house I was done being told what to do. I was free to live my life the way I wanted. No one was going to tell me what to wear, who I could associate with, where I could go, what time I had to be home. I was done!

Wow, did I have a lot to learn. When I got a job as a cashier at a supermarket, I was told I had to wear a uniform. I had to wear white shoes. I had to report for work at a certain time. Weekends and nights were no longer mine. When someone was sick, I had to show up on the spur of the moment.

As a massage therapist, people often said, “Wow, isn’t it nice you can work when you want?” That was always a funny one to me. My time was even more limited.

When I got married, my husband told me where I could or could not go. I had to call and check in if I was going to be late so he would know I was okay.

Then I had kids. Talk about being controlled! It seemed to me my life was not my own. I felt controlled by everyone in my life but me.

Then, when the kids were grown, I thought I would plan a new career and have the freedom to choose my own direction. I was finally free. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Want to know how that worked out?

I have learned that I needed to really understand that my only goal is happiness. That Love only wants joy for his Sonship. That I really don’t need to control anything except the need to control.

Peace comes to me through surrender. When I think I need to do things and make things happen, I now feel trapped by my ego mind.

It is when I turn to the Holy Spirit and listen to His gentle Voice that I know that it is, “not my will but Thine” that happens in me and through me. And then comes peace, clarity and joy.

All these years I had it all wrong. In the Workbook for Students, page 193 it says, “Truth will correct all errors in my mind, And I will rest in Him Who is my Self.”

And on page 233, it says, “The world you see holds nothing that you need to offer you; nothing that you can use in any way, nor anything at all that serves to give you joy. Believe this thought and you are saved from many years of misery, from countless disappointments, and from hopes that turn to bitter ashes of despair.”

Today I practice letting go of thoughts about what anything means, what I thought was important, how I need to handle anything. I practice asking for the help of the Holy Spirit and really hearing his reply.

Recently I was worried because my husband was between contracts and we just bought a new house and I was fearful about the future. I kept saying to the Holy Spirit, “ I know God knows what we need so I don’t want to ask for anything, but Holy Spirit, I am really worried. You recently told me we would be okay, but my little self is still fearful and I want so much to just trust.”

Out of the clear blue my thoughts were overcome by a voice that sounded like my own. It said, “ Yes, you will be fine. I told you that you would be. Your husband will receive a phone call within the next day or two and he will receive a contract for a job that will last two years.”

I laughed out loud at that one. Really, a call today or tomorrow, sure! Even at that, the thought, “Oh you of little faith” crossed my mind.

Guess what! The very next day my husband got a call for a job. No time promises were made but the possibility is that it will be a pretty long one. My feelings about this are not of getting a job, but of really learning to hear, trust and believe in the Holy Spirit. He is our Comforter. He is the one who is here to lead us into peace, where we can reconnect with our Source. We have no investment here in this world of form, we are eternally in the mind of God.

In Lesson 128 we are told, “Each thing you value here is but a chain that binds you to the world, and it will serve no other end but this… Today we practice letting go all thought of values we have given to the world.”

As long as we give purpose and meaning to the world, we are not free. We are bound by the limitations of the ego’s control. As we learn to really trust the Holy Spirit and see that our true purpose is Love, we slowly find freedom to be as “God created us.” And I am so grateful for these wonderful lessons in truth. ❦

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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