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April-June, 2007

Sweet Surrender

Rev. Cheryl Hubbard

In February I attended the 2007 ACIM Conference in San Francisco. It was titled “An Opportunity to Gladden Yourself.” And wow am I glad that I made the decision to go! Rather I should say that “we” made the decision to go. I had been struggling for months with taking a new direction in my life. And it was not a small struggle. It was a huge one.

There was a battle raging in me and I felt helpless and hopeless a great deal of the time. I had decided to complete the Ordained Ministerial Counselor Training with Pathways. It was something that I began in 2000. In the spring of 2001 I was within a few weeks of traveling to Kiel for my Step 4 courses. But something stopped me. Apparently I was not yet ready.

The battle that was raging inside of me was the desire to quit my job of more than twenty-seven years. This was an idea that I’d had for a couple of years but was so attached to the money, the benefits and the vacation that I kept clinging to it, all the while despising it more and more. When I started studying again with Pathways the struggle within intensified. When I learned of the conference, that started another struggle in me and I waited until the last minute to register.

I knew that I needed to leave my job, but I was terrified. April of this year marks my twentieth anniversary with A Course in Miracles and I had a suspicion that the Course and my internal battles were very closely connected. The Holy Spirit had quietly been waiting for me to listen. The ego had been causing all the so-called ‘battles’ because it knew that I had been listening to Spirit, at least a little. I knew I was getting back on my path.
Five days before the conference I typed my resignation from my job. I was overwhelmed with fear, anxiety and dread. I really did not yet understand that I was not making these decisions alone. I thought about handing in my resignation when I returned from San Francisco. I was stalling. And suddenly I saw very plainly what I had been doing. I had been listening to the Holy Spirit a little and the ego a lot! I was attempting to plan the future, be in control and know all the facts ahead of time. I was clearly insane. And I knew it. It took me a few days to digest this. Two days before the conference I handed in my resignation and felt a great weight lift off my shoulders. All the fear, anxiety and dread of the last several months simply disappeared. I knew that I had surrendered. And it felt wonderful.

The conference was awesome. The speakers were wonderful. And I was with nearly 500 people who spoke ‘my language.’ It was one of the best experiences of my life. I was so motivated when I left I didn’t really need an airplane to fly home. I could have done it with my own newly sprouted wings. And every day since then I have experienced miracles. The most amazing things have begun to happen. And it’s all because I finally made the decision to listen to that all knowing Voice inside of me! I have no idea where this Voice will lead me but I trust It with all my heart.

© 2007, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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