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April-June, 2020

Ten Years After

by Rev. Larry Glenz, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

When I hear the words “ten years after,” I always think of the rock band of the same name that played at Woodstock over 50 years ago. I remember little about their music but the name always intrigued me. Things are usually different ten years after.

In a few days from this writing, it will be February 14, 2020 — Valentine’s Day. It will be ten years after my son’s transition following a fatal heroin overdose. And things seem different ten years after.

The years before Kevin’s passing were tumultuous. Heroin addicts cause enormous problems for family, friends, and community. I have no desire to revisit those difficult days now.

I know that both sides of Kevin’s family — my family — will connect with each other on February 14 in some way with texts, phone calls, emails or personal visits. Every Valentine’s Day since has been a day of sadness but also a demonstration of love and forgiveness in our family.

I remember during the time of my greatest sorrow that I felt Holy Spirit’s presence telling me that I “would not be left comfortless.” I have since met with many people who have lost their child in such a way. Many never expect to know any comfort, any happiness ever again. They don’t believe they can recover from the heartache and pain. And so they don’t.

I do not believe this is the case for Kevin’s family. Although we all might be in vastly different stages of a spiritual awakening, we all feel strongly connected by our love for Kevin. That supersedes any anger or pettiness that existed among us during the seven years that accompanied Kevin’s addiction. I refer to those years as “the Terror.”

During the Terror, we all fought with each other over issues concerning how to handle Kevin’s addiction. His mom and I particularly were at loggerheads. There was no peace between us and that set a bad tone for all.

Since his passing, however, both sides of Kevin’s family have forgiven each other and forgiven ourselves for not being able to save Kevin’s life. This didn’t happen immediately, but we gradually let go of the guilt. We let go of the blame. The resentments have eased considerably.

My ex-wife and I are now kinder and more tender to each other. That in itself is amazing. We fought constantly during the Terror. We were scared and confused about how to change what was happening to our son.

My wife, Laura, and Kevin’s mom are now supportive of each other. They go to lunch and they buy each other presents on holidays. This is a very positive change in our lives.

My son Matt, Kevin’s only sibling, had his first child exactly 9 months after we lost Kevin. He now has two daughters who have helped him to heal from the pain of losing his only brother.

Kevin’s daughter Olivia is now 10 years old. She is surrounded with the love of Kevin’s family. She is a beautiful girl who plays sports and has A’s all over her report card. Kevin’s mom has taken her all around the country to establish her roots with family members in NY, California, New England, Florida, and West Virginia. And she looks so much like Kevin.

When I wrote my book, Forgiving Kevin, neither Kevin’s mom nor brother wanted it published. They did not want the family’s privacy violated by me telling this story. I had breached the anonymity of my family members.

Somehow, through God’s grace, they have changed their mind. They are both comfortable with the idea that our story is helping other families suffering during this opioid epidemic. I have been speaking to high schools, middle schools, colleges, and community groups about my family’s experience with dealing with a loved one in the throes of opioid addiction. We receive much feedback that Kevin’s story — our story — is helping others who are in the Terror.

Ten years after, there has been a gradual but powerful healing. Kevin’s spirit has connected us and strengthened us. I personally give all the credit to Holy Spirit Who guided us throughout the difficult times.

Ten years after, I feel Holy Spirit’s love surround my family. We are kinder, gentler and more loving. And I am so very grateful for all of it.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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