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July-September, 2022

The Holy Relationship

by Rev. Joyce Peebles, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

People laugh and say it would have been nice to of been born with an instruction manual for how to live this life. Actually, you were and you still have it. There is the need to learn how to access it. Although it will be touched upon, the focus here is on the Holy relationship.

The Manual for Teachers tells us, “Those who are to meet will meet, because together they have the potential for a holy relationship. They are ready for each other.” (M-4-3.1:7-8)

Here the idea of chance or coincidence is not an option. The meeting is on purpose for a specific purpose. There has been spiritual evolvement by both parties and the timing and situation is perfect to come together. What is more, on a spiritual level, these two want this opportunity to overcome their limiting ideas and grow spiritually. As it says they are ready. This sounds great, except for one thing. All this planning was done on another level instead of the earthy plane. The bad news is the ego body has no conscious memory of this planned meeting. The good news is even on the human level we recognize these special partners and are attracted to them. We just don’t yet know why.

Take marriage for example, we often hear that opposites attract. I don’t believe this. People come together because they believe the other person has something they lack and need; and they do. Just not what they bargained for on the surface level. A person is needy when they believe they lack love; their aim is to alleviate this pain. Greater pain comes when their expectations are not met and then the “attractive person” is not so desirable.

There is an interesting occurrence in most marriages. That person you thought was so perfect for you, you now want to change “to be happier.” This is the opposite of the holy relationship. Anytime you want an outside circumstance to change, you are in a powerless mode. IF you want the projection to change, change what is in the projector, your Mind. Specifically, you can be taught to see the other person differently. Real love does not judge or attack.

Growth can occur if at least one of them looks for Guidance within and sees beyond the situation. What is really happening here? Or even better: What do I have to learn from this situation? What is this for?

Easy? No. But definitely doable. In fact, it is as easy as one partner being willing to access the instruction manual and surrender their limiting beliefs. Nothing need ever be said to the other partner. The Holy Spirit never gives us instructions about how someone else should act. It is always all about you.

“Each teaching-learning situation is maximal in the sense that each person involved will learn the most that he can from the other person at that time.” (M-3.4:1)

This could last decades till one partner dies or divorce happens. To the ego it appears sad when a couple decides their time together has come to an end. Typically, it is viewed as a failure. It cannot be a failure when the soul has gained an understanding of what does not work. Often before a soul is willing to try another option they exhaust what they think should happen.

The Holy Spirit is patient. Eventually each fragment of the Sonship will see their error and return to Love.

There is another kind of relationship with the potential to become holy. This can be a parent/child or sibling relationship. The text describes this as, “Those are teaching learning situations in which each person is given a chosen learning partner who presents him with unlimited opportunities for learning. These relationships are generally few, because their existence implies that those involved have reached a stage simultaneously in which the teaching-learning balance is actually perfect. This does not mean that they necessarily recognize this; in fact, they generally do not. They may even be quite hostile to each other for some time, and perhaps for life. Yet should they decide to learn it, the perfect lesson is before them and can be learned.” (M-.5:2-6)

I have a child who I taught traditional Christianity to. Due to what I now believe in ACIM, my child thinks I am insane and going to hell, literally. This of course has created a painful relationship.

Remember it is the Holy Spirit’s job to help me see differently. After being prompted to quiet my Mind, I focused on the awareness we both really are, letting go of the temporary characters in the projection or story. I was guided to remember that I made this script and what I see as my projections are my judgments on myself.

From the ego point of view, I thought I was experiencing pain because I saw the child judging and rejecting me. Seeking help from another, the insight came “what part of my real Self am I continuing to reject because I have not yet been ready to look at it with Jesus?”

The Course tells us our one problem is that we believe it was possible to separate ourselves from Love. Ah, I still believed I am guilty of this “sin” and therefore don’t deserve Love. I am not lovable, not good enough.

I thought I had dealt with this before but discovered once again the mind is like an onion, there is another layer of limiting beliefs that needs to be taken away.
The Holy Spirit assures me these thoughts of unworthiness are not true. What I saw in my projection was a mirror of what I had made real in my Mind. It is not my child who judges and rejects me but ME. Have the humility to put the ego’s shrieks aside and listen.

This was my growth opportunity to discard more limiting belief. Nothing on the outside of my mind needed changing. After this healing moment, I felt differently because I saw the situation differently. You will know when healing has taken place because fear and pain either diminish or go away completely. Also gratitude is felt for the healing, learning opportunity.

This brings us to that ultimate holy relationship we covet most of all. It is the one with your Self where you remember the ancient song. “ Listen, perhaps you catch a hint of an ancient state not quite forgotten; dim perhaps, and yet not altogether unfamiliar…. Not the whole song has stayed with you, but just a little wisp of melody, attached not to a person or a place or anything particular. But you remember, from just this little part, how lovely was the song, how wonderful the setting where you heard it, and how you loved those who were there and listened with you.

The notes are nothing. Yet you have kept them with you, not for themselves, but as a soft reminder of what would make you weep if you remembered how dear it was to you.” (T-21.I.6:1-7:2)

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