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October - December, 2008

The Graduation Party

Rev. Melinda Kurka

It is so easy to get all wrapped up in our everyday life, with its problems and all the things needing to be done. Sometimes we get so busy, we forget how truly blessed we are. Then suddenly, something happens to remind us of how far we have come on our spiritual voyage and what a miracle that journey has been. That is exactly what happened to me a few months ago, and it happened at a graduation party for my husband’s nephew, Stephen. 

The party was held on Sunday at my brother-in-law’s house in Kent, Ohio, about a 45 minute drive from our place. The month was early June, the time for graduation parties, and the day was clear and warm. Their yard was stunning with iris’s, peonies and day lilies in bloom. The food was terrific and, as usual, I ate way too much. Afterwards, I just wandered around talking to family and friends I hadn’t seen for a while.
 
Then the big meal caught up with me and I decided to sit down for awhile. There was a vacant chair next to Bob’s cousin Mike, so that was where I parked myself. Mike began telling me that he and his wife had just moved so they could be closer to the church that they are very involved in. The cross he was wearing was quite unique and looked to be hand-made. As I admired it, he told me about a talk he recently gave regarding his former drug use and how turning to God had saved his life. “You and I have a great deal in common,” I told him. Mike looked at me in surprise. “I didn’t know you had a drug problem,” he said. “I didn’t. I am a recovering alcoholic.” He had no idea. I went on, “I also had a serious nervous breakdown eleven years ago. I was as lost as you were. And just like you, faith in God has saved my life.”

I was aware that he had a drug problem as a younger man, but until he started sharing details with me, I hadn’t known the extent of the problem. His drug of choice had been heroin. At one point, he sank so low that he was robbing people for money to pay for his drug habit. In one month, Mike told me, he had spent $38,000 on drugs. “At that point, I didn’t care about who I hurt or what I did. I just had to have that fix,” he stated.

I didn’t go into quite as much detail as he had about my own addiction, but I did tell him that I was very secretive about my drinking. I had never gotten a DUI or lost a job, but I was a full-blown alcoholic regardless. It started me thinking about all the times I would rush the kids to bed so I could drink myself into oblivion. I would spend the whole next day anticipating drinking that night. It was the only thing that made the hurt inside go away for awhile. I became a genius at hiding the bottles, so no one knew how much I was drinking. My husband worked nights, so he really had no clue. Anyway, as Mike and I continued talking, he told me he had tried to commit suicide twice and showed me the scars on his wrists. “I tried twice as well. I was a cutter,” I told him and showed him the scars on my arms. He told me that he found God while in a jail cell, waiting for an arraignment hearing. Someone had left a Bible in there and when he picked it up, it just happened to open to a verse that spoke to his heart (imagine that). “That was the beginning for me,” he said. I replied that driving the car one afternoon, I suddenly started talking to God. “Please help me find peace. I need peace. I just can’t go on living like this.” A few days later, I met up with a woman named Amy, who recommended that I buy the book, A Course in Miracles. That was my beginning.

Eleven years later, here I am, a new Minister through Pathways of Light. Healing physically, mentally and spiritually has taken an immense amount of work on myself. I am a more healed, balanced, peaceful person than I have ever been my whole life. Part of what helped me was working with a good psychologist. That helped me understand why I felt the way I did. But, somehow, it never helped me get rid of the pain — the fear, guilt, grief and anger inside. It has been the spirituality, developing a relationship with the Divine that has allowed me to make peace with and let go of that pain. Letting go of hurt from the past has felt like bricks coming off my back. What a terrible load I had been carrying most of my life.

Does this mean that I am totally healed, that I am on the verge of enlightenment? No. I still have issues I am dealing with. I am still an imperfect human being. However, I now have a lifeline to hold onto. That lifeline is the love of the Divine and it is the most important thing in my life. With my hand in God’s, I continue to heal. I am returning home where I belong.

Bob’s cousin and I both survived through faith in God, the Divine Source. It was the only thing that could give us the courage, love and hope we needed to begin healing; the only thing that gave us a reason to live. He found God in a traditional Christian Church. I have found God through a non-traditional, spiritual approach which has unfolded with A Course in Miracles at the core and Native American Spirituality, Buddhism and Taoism mixed in. It doesn’t matter. There are many paths to God. We each need to find the path that is right for us.

The Love of God is the miracle that heals us, as soon as we are ready and willing to open our hearts to that Love.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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