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January-March, 2012

The One About Money

Rev. Stephan Mead, O.M.C.

I shuttered with fear when I noticed an envelope the mailman just dropped off, had “IRS-NOTICE OF LEVY” prominently stamped on it. Although the exact words going through my mind are not printable in this magazine, you can be assured they were not words of acceptance and gratitude. “How can this be happening to me?” And, “This cannot happen to me!” Are two thoughts I can share. Remember, I still hadn’t even opened the letter yet! My mind (ego) went straight to the worst case scenario: ”Life is so unfair and now I’m going to die!” (Footnote: it used to be my ego would take me down that path in stages, but since studying The Course, it just slams me there.)

In ACIM Lesson 76 we are told, “You really think that you would starve unless you have stacks of green paper and piles of metal discs.” Yes! Jesus is right again! That is exactly what I thought, “Forget salvation, forget ‘correct’ thinking, forget ‘oneness,’ forget everything except the thought that nobody should take my money!”

Remembering I still haven’t opened the envelope, and realizing I have gone insane in my thinking, I consciously tried to quiet my mind. When that didn’t work, I figured I might as well go over and over and over in my mind why this shouldn’t be happening to me. Curiously, everything I have been studying in The Course and saying that I believed was not available to me.

Very quickly my ego pointed out that once again I have failed and I was also an idiot for even thinking that I could read spiritual books and end up with a happier life. Perhaps thinking it helpful, my ego also reminded me of other debts I have and how they are not going to get paid as planned.

I opened the envelope and had to laugh — not only were my funds all taken, somehow they took even more! My new balance was -$100. Immediately I tried to go even deeper into depression, but found I couldn’t. I was still laughing at my balance. Have you ever tried to be depressed and laugh at the same time? I couldn’t pull it off.

I called Nancy, (she is my mighty companion,) and told her the story. Nancy suggested we look at the first 10 Workbook Lessons in The Course and use my thoughts about money and debt as subject matter.

I asked the Holy Spirit for willingness to look at my life differently. I needed help because I was really attached to my thoughts, and help was granted. As I am writing about this experience, I’m still broke but found out my company was just awarded the biggest construction contract I have ever bid on. You know what? It is true, I don’t know the reason(s) for anything!

These past couple of months have been anything but peaceful to me. Now, looking back, I have so much to be appreciative for. An ex-wife, (thank you Nancy!) some good friends and even a couple of my brothers have really pitched in to help me out. What I needed to look at with the Holy Spirit, was the thought, “This should not happen to me” when it was happening to me.

Healing from my thoughts that cause me to suffer is my only goal now. I can see there is still a long way to travel, because it wasn’t until I was awarded this current contract that I found any relief at all — so here I am still, believing that happiness can come from a dollar sign. (sigh)

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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