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April-June, 2021

Through the Fog I Heard His Voice

by Rev. Barbara Adams, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

The fog was thick and, in the darkness, I felt afraid. Ghoulish images crossed my path and my instinct was to attack. I felt that if I could scream loud enough and swipe fast enough, I could rid myself of those demons. But my voice seemed to be sucked into a vast vacuum. My arms felt numb and I could barely move.

“Am I dreaming?” I heard myself ask. Yet, to whom was I speaking?

I started to cry. “I’m so scared,” I sobbed…to seemingly no one.

The fog only got thicker. My fear intensified. And I fell deeper into the dream.

“I love you,” I faintly heard.

“What?” I asked, as I rubbed my eyes and looked around.

“I love you,” whispered the Voice.

“Who are You?” I asked as I quickly turned to see Who was speaking to me. Fear caused my voice to tremble. “And, what do You want?”

“I want you to remember who you truly are; that you were made from Love, that you are Love. Know this and your fear will vanish.”

“What? Who are You?”

“I am Love and I created you.

“What?”

“You don’t have to live in that dream, in that nightmare. But, it is your choice,” replied the Voice in a calm, assured manner. “I have been calling to you through the fog, but you’ve continued to turn and run away. The farther you have ventured from My Voice, the more fearful you have become.

Come home to Me. Come home to yourself. Then, you shall awaken and know the Truth.”

“I’m afraid!” I whimpered.

“And where has your fear taken you, but only deeper into the fog; into the nightmare? Has that abolished your terror or simply intensified it?”

“Well, it’s…wait! How do I know that I can trust You?”

“Do you trust Fear?

“No. Of course not!”

“Then, why do you follow him?”

“I don’t follow him! I make up my own mind.”

“Yes, you do,” said the Voice. “You make up your mind that you’d rather live in fear than in peace and joy. It is by your decisions that you follow him.

“Hmmm, you’ve got a point there. But, I don’t know You. Why would I follow You?”

“Of course, you know Me,” the Voice said ever so gently. “I am your Joy. I am your Peace.  I am Love, and I created you in My Image. What is there not to trust?”

“Uh, I don’t know. What do I have to do?” I asked hesitantly.

“It’s simple. All I ask is that you forgive yourself for what you perceive as your errors, and forgive your brothers and sisters for what you perceive as theirs.”

“Are you kidding me here?” I yelled back, incredulously. “I have sinned and there’s no way I can forgive myself for what I’ve done. And forgive my brothers and sisters? That won’t happen! Not the way they’ve hurt me!”

“So, by holding on to those grievances, and by punishing yourself, has that made things better? Do you feel more peaceful, more joyful and loving?”

“Of course not!” I scolded. “But I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done, and I’ll never let those guys off the hook. They hurt me too badly.”

As those words poured out of my mouth, I began to sob uncontrollably. “Dear God, help me,” I pleaded.

“Peace be with you,” the Voice breathed into me.

At once I felt my chest release. My crying subsided. “Wait, what did you just do?” I asked the Voice.

“I gave you My Peace.”

“But…how did you do that?”

“Easily,” came the reply in a gentle, compassionate manner. “You had just a brief moment when you began to believe again; you called out to me. It was then that you were able to feel my Love.”

“Oh…my…God!” I said.

“Yes,” said the Voice.

I laughed. The fog was lifting and I felt more awake. The sun was rising right before me. I took in its warm and bathed in its peace.

“OK,” I said. “I’ll give this thing a try, but you have to promise me that you’ll hang with me while I’m figuring all of this out.”

“No prob,” I heard distinctly.

I smiled.

© 2021, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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