Miracles News

October-December, 2017


by Rev. Maura Williams, O.M.C.

Rev. Maura WilliamsSometimes I doubt myself. I can think of a million and one reasons not to trust myself, but I’m beginning to see this is a very destructive habit. I’m working, once again, on trust and trust always boils down to trusting myself.

I tell myself I don’t trust you. I tell myself people cannot be trusted and world affairs would prove this to me. But what is trust? If I already know I can’t trust anything outside myself, then what is trust? If I’m constantly trying to control or influence situations outside of myself, am I trusting?

I think trust is a deep reliance on God and the faith and belief that He knows what is best for me. Knowing this enables me to trust myself.

He created me like Himself. The Holy Spirit watches over me and can use anything I do for my good and for the good of all mankind. This way no one loses and that is God’s way. Sometimes this is hard for me to accept. A Course in Miracles says, “You are asked to trust the Holy Spirit only because He speaks for you. He is the Voice for God, but never forget that God did not will to be alone. He shares His Will with you; He does not thrust it upon you. Always remember that what He gives He keeps, so that nothing He gives can contradict Him. You who share His life must share it to know it, for sharing is knowing.” (T-11.I.11:1-5)

Sharing is a good guage for me to use to see just how trusting I am. When I feel trusting, I share and I share willingly. When I’m mistrustful or full of doubt, I’m afraid and I’m not willing to share. I’m stuck in the ego thought process, and I’m not willing to be open. I would lock myself in my house and refuse to answer the door or the telephone. Yes, I have done this. Sometimes this down time is very healthy and necessary. Feeling the feelings of hurt, anger and lack of trust show me how miserable I really am all by myself. Not only have I locked myself in my physical house, I have locked myself outside of my spiritual home. The ego always wants to isolate. It is afraid to share and is incapable of being honest.

The ego needs compassion and understanding. There is nothing it can do or undo to hurt me. Ultimately there is nothing anyone can do to hurt me. I don’t have to be afraid. I don’t have to feel doubt or mistrustful. These are choices. I can choose again with the Holy Spirit. I can accept the love and the peace of God inside me. It’s always there. Accepting and being in touch with this part of myself helps me to be open, to trust and to share.

The events of the last two days have been lessons in accepting and have brought me the gift of peace. These two situations have shown me how silly it is for me to worry about anything. I had scheduled a meeting, but I really wanted to consult with one other person before the meeting. It just didn’t seem to work out. Then my plans were abruptly changed by situations beyond my control and now I’ll be able to meet with that person before the meeting. That same day an important decision I thought I was going to have to make was made for me. I had no control or influence over these two situations. Things just worked out. I didn’t have to do anything, but sit back, relax and observe. Why on earth would I ever doubt myself or this journey we call life?

But what would I have done if things didn’t turn out so well? I recently attended the memorial service of someone who died too young by his own hands. He suffered from depression. Depression is a great isolator. It will always leave you feeling alone in the world. Depression is one of the reasons sharing is so important. If he had been able to share his feelings with even one other person he may have changed his mind about ending his life.

I cannot judge what he did. I can only accept it and learn from it. He is why it’s so important to reach out to others. You never know who may be helped by your words or your simple actions. You never know, but you can trust. I can’t say it any better than this quote from A Course in Miracles.

You may wonder how you can be at peace when, while you are in time, there is so much that must be done before the way to peace is open. Perhaps this seems impossible to you. But ask yourself if it is possible that God would have a plan for your salvation that does not work. Once you accept His plan as the one function that you would fulfill, there will be nothing else the Holy Spirit will not arrange for you without your effort. He will go before you making straight your path, and leaving in your way no stones to trip you. Not one seeming difficulty but will melt away before you reach it. You need take thought for nothing, careless of everything except the only purpose that you would fulfill. As that was given you, so will its fulfillment be. God’s guarantee will hold against all obstacles, for it rests on certainty and not contingency. It rests on you. And what can be more certain than a Son of God? (T-20.IV.8:1-12)

Rev. Maura Williams, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister who lives in Hot Springs, Arkansas.
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