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October-December, 2018

Understanding Pain

by Rev. Larry Glenz, O.M.C.

I have been trying to comprehend the teachings of the Course concerning physical pain.

I had surgery for a total knee replacement in the beginning of this summer. My knees were damaged during my younger years as a college wrestler and again as a young high school wrestling coach. I had surgery in the 1970’s on both knees and now in my late 60’s they are arthritic. I held out for years on the surgery but finally took the plunge and went for a replacement of the more painful knee.

I am not certain how I ever formed the opinion that I was a tough guy when it came to physical pain. Nevertheless, I was howling like a baby every time I stood up in the weeks following surgery. It felt like a blow torch was igniting in my knee and I was not handling it with even a modicum of grace. I couldn’t get comfortable and I couldn’t sleep well. The painkillers prescribed were not doing the trick.

In my better moments I turned to Holy Spirit and to the teachings of A Course in Miracles. 

“The body can bring you neither peace nor turmoil; neither joy nor pain. Only the mind can set a purpose, and only the mind can see the means for its accomplishment, and justify its use. Peace and guilt are both conditions of the mind, to be attained.” (T-19.IV.B.10:4,8-9)

I wondered was it really my mind that was causing this great pain I was experiencing. It was hard for me to believe the body was not responsible for this. Then I would read: “The body is the great betrayer of faith. It was followed by: “And the correction of your mistake will give you grounds for faith.” (T-19.IV,B.11:4,9)

It seemed to me that I was being asked to trust that this pain was all part of the world as my classroom. I was being given an opportunity to learn something about the body and the mind through this experience?

I believe that I was being reminded how much I still equate myself with the body. And doing so is an invitation to pain. We are taught that it is impossible to seek for pleasure through the body and not find pain. This is the result of our identification with the body instead of who we truly are, God’s Children, eternal Spirit.

The ego seemed to be having a great time igniting the blowtorch in my knee for about 50 seconds every time I stood up. The body had my full attention as my eyes began to bulge and while I counted out every second until the intense pain dissipated. The searing pain supposedly came from the patella tendon, which was severed to put in the artificial knee, and then reattached. 

But the Course states emphatically, “At no single instant does the body exist at all.” (T-18.VII.3:1) The pain and, in fact all of form, comes from my choice to see myself as I am not. If I see myself as a body I will suffer pain. My mind, however, has free will. It can choose between Spirit and the ego.

I made an effort to go to Holy Spirit while I counted the seconds of pain upon rising from a chair. It gave me a focus and a feeling of greater strength. The Course reminds me: “I rule my mind, which I alone must rule.” (Workbook Lesson 236)

The best I can do is to remember to pause — to go to Spirit — and have faith that I will be given understanding, as I need it when I am ready. Although I realize that I still strongly identify with the body, I am willing to hand that identification over to Holy Spirit for correction.

It seems like this will take time. I have great resistance to letting go of the body. But that is what time is for. While fully entrenched in this illusion, I turn to Spirit and expect that I will be given what I need when I need it.

It is now ten weeks since my surgery and my knee is healing and the pain mostly gone. I am reminded that pain is part of the learning process — a part of my spiritual growth. My understanding remains imperfect but I trust the process of putting Spirit in charge.

This is how we heal from all pain, physical and mental. I rule my mind by putting Spirit in charge.  We have heard the axiom: time heals all wounds. When it is given to my Higher Power, my experience tells me this is true.

My attachment to seeing myself as a body remains strong. I ask Holy Spirit to let my mind see this differently and trust the process of healing.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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