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October-December, 2013

Unearthing Our Unconscious Fear of God — An Exercise

by Rev. Nouk Sanchez, O.M.C.

Tomas, my soul buddy, left the body in December 2010. He left through what appeared as cancer of the body.

Tomas awakened within the ego dream (although he had not awakened from it) prior to leaving the body. In the Course, Jesus calls us to the next level of awakening which is from the ego dream of death entirely (refer to the excerpt on my blog titled, Why Jesus’ Teaching is the Quickest of all Spiritual Pathways. Here is the link: http://undoing-the-ego.org/noukblog/?p=387)

Although Tomas did not awaken from the ego’s dream of death, he was very aware that he chose cancer as a means through which he could apply vigilant discipline to prioritize peace in order to achieve only one goal — to awaken within the ego’s dream.

Since Tomas left physical form, communication between us has remained unbroken. In fact, he is more available now without a body than he was with one! This is quite miraculous to say the least.

Prior to his leaving the body, we both had lived and studied the principles of A Course in Miracles for 20 years. We took the long meandering path and made every conceivable mistake along the way. While our misunderstanding and confusion appeared to increase our suffering during that period, I see now that we chose this so that we could help light the path Home for others. In particular, I now see a much gentler and more joyful path to undoing suffering and hope to share this with all who are called to walk with us.

In the short time since Tomas left the body, I have been blessed with a monumental leap forward in understanding and embracing the next phase or paradigm of Jesus’ teachings in the Course. I believe that Tomas is helping with this as he’s currently assisting many who are committed to undoing fear. And I promised to share these teachings with those who are guided at this time, to take their experience of the Course to a whole new level. This is an invitation to experience and to demonstrate a miraculous paradigm shift. This is embodying being a true miracle-worker.

Perhaps the strongest catalyst for this recent leap in perception comes from discovering something with Tomas. I must admit that it’s been only recently that I was shown our greatest individual and collective blocks to God’s Love. I was shocked, I had no idea, even after 20 years of ACIM. I see now just why it took me two decades of such unnecessary suffering to arrive at this present and joyful state of awareness. And no one needs to suffer the way that Tomas and I did. So that’s why I’m feeling so guided to co-facilitate these Know Thyself — Power of Power Retreats each year; to share these epiphanies and to help others overcome pain and suffering; to find deep and unshakable security, Love and joy much sooner.

The first of our major blocks to Love is incredibly well hidden in our unconscious. Even after 20 years, Tomas and I were stunned that we hadn’t recognized it. Yet when we saw it and released it to Spirit, we understood just why it took us so long to establish trust in God’s Love. Until we had advanced in trusting Spirit, we did what everyone does here in the dream, we relied largely on our own “will” and the world’s laws. Or worse still, we tried to balance between two paradigms, partially trusting in Spirit and partially trusting in our own ego will. We had one foot each in both canoes and the mighty current of ego-undoing rapidly pulled those boats apart. The outcome? Well you can guess — we fell head first in the water and we felt like we were drowning. That’s the feeling all of us have when we attempt to integrate the ego’s laws with God’s Laws. The two are absolutely irreconcilable. Not until we choose only one will there be consistent peace and joy. Until then, we’re welcome to torture ourselves; there is no compromise in this, none.

The biggest of our blocks and the one that hides the deepest is our fear of God (Love). While it’s the last of the obstacles to peace, it can and should be exhumed as soon as possible. I am learning now that this fear of God is so insidious and prevalent that it sabotages every single thing we do, including the Spiritual path that we are so invested in. It’s at the seat of all our physical and emotional pain, our need to control, our unconscious attraction to pain and disease, to scarcity, to conflict and eventually to physical death itself.

If you don’t believe me, maybe you could do a little introductory exercise here…

With pen and paper, write down all the positive attributes of God or Life as imagined in the Awakened State. For example: Unconditional Love, peace, joy, safety, security, all my needs are met consistently, etc.

Spend time sitting with all these. These represent the intellectual list of God’s celestial attributes. This is what the ego is happy for us to see as long as we don’t dare to delve any deeper and find what we really believe about Love (God) in our unconscious.

Now, with total and radical self-honesty, watch for any signs of fear or concern when you ponder the following statement. Write down each of your fears. Unearthing these fears is invaluable. They pave the way out of fear forever, so please be honest.

“I choose only God’s Will for me, from this moment onward. In so doing, I choose to forfeit my own independent will in every area of my life.”

If you ask for and accept only His Will, there is no room for your own separate will.

Write down any concerns about possible change, loss or sacrifice in each of the important areas of your life. Make a comprehensive list of all the so called fearful or disastrous scenarios that could occur if you totally surrendered your own independent will to God. What do you fear may change or fall away, specifically in the following areas?

•  finances and income

•  relationship

•  children and family

•  job or career

•  security and self image

•  the body and health

•  other areas 

Any signs of concern or fear represent the tip of the so called iceberg as far as our unconscious distrust in God’s Love is concerned. When Tomas and I did this exercise after nearly 20 years of the Course, we were astounded as to just how much we still did not trust Spirit. We still compartmentalized parts of our life. When our life looks like a multi sliced pie and we insist on keeping and controlling some slices independently apart from Spirit, the conflict eventually becomes unbearable. And it’s here that we either opt out to recycle again through scarcity, disease or death, or we decide to jump in to undoing the ego, totally.

Now… look at your first list. The list of your positive beliefs about God. Then place the list with all your fears about totally surrendering your life to God, beside the first list. Usually, these two lists are totally opposite. One is full of Love and the other is full of fear. Look carefully. The first list of positive attributes of God is real. The second list is unreal. It represents your unconscious fear of God. This is your unconscious fear of Love itself.

Look again at your list of fears. This represents the god the ego made! The ego projects these deep fears onto God so we will persist in turning to the ego for guidance instead of God’s Love. To the degree that we continue to maintain our own independent decisions, goals, plans and control, shows us just how fearful we are, of God’s Love.

If you truly wish to heal your unconscious fear of God, then it would be helpful to take your list of fears and go through the Atonement (forgiveness) process with each of these blocks to Love’s presence and surrender them in exchange for the miracle. In this process you will be relinquishing the ego’s obsession with unconscious self-attack. Here is the full Atonement process: http://undoing-the-ego.org/noukblog/?p=231

All there is, is God’s all-encompassing Love. There is nothing else. When we see or feel anything else, we are hallucinating. So if all there is, is God’s Love, what then do we consistently defend ourselves against? Why do we insist on problem-solving independently from Spirit? And the answer is because we still fear God. We don’t trust Love because we don’t yet know it, we don’t know our Holy Self. From the ego thought system, we project an ego image onto God. And the God that we’re so reluctant to surrender to, is the imaginary god the ego made. A cruel and demanding god who tests us constantly through lessons and gives us freedom only in death. No wonder we are so terrified of surrender! The “god we made” is the greatest unconscious block to trusting in the process of awakening from suffering.

A Prayer to Release Fear, Guilt, Pain, Anxiety, Sickness or Scarcity

“Every fear, all pain and every concern I have about my own or another’s safety, is always my defense against God’s Love. I choose now to be mindful of every instance of fear, seeing fear for what it truly is, rejection of my Self as Love and innocence. In defending myself from fear and suffering, I make them real in my belief. And by making them real, I reject the Love and guiltlessness that is my true safety, my Holy Self. In the name of God’s Love, I join my will with Spirit’s Will now and together we choose against fear and suffering in every form. In His Will I am safe. Through His Will I remember that I have dominion over everything the ego made to attack me or another. And fear and suffering are not His Will. When I allow myself to be consumed by fear or pain, I isolate myself from God’s Love as my Holy Self. I willingly accept only God’s Joyous Will for me and reject anything the ego uses to try to distract me from my one-minded path Home. Amen.”

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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