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April-June, 2006

Waking Up/Awakening

Rev. Colleen Mc Nally

I sit this morning taking some deep breaths. As I begin this day, I am aware of a deep need to nurture my soul. “We will practice laying aside our false personas so we can focus on the perception and awareness of our soul.” (Pathways course 802: Soul Awareness)

As I go about my morning rituals and settle into this more focused time of reflection and prayer, two words are jumping around in my mind. They are ‘waking up’ and ‘awakening.’ As I let meanings and understanding come to me, I realize a kind of playfulness. This play on/with these two words brings a smile to my face as I think to myself, “They really mean the same thing; they are inter-changeable. I can wake up or awaken in the morning and I can wake up and awaken to the Love within me.

Every morning on waking up, I check in with my self to see what my thoughts are and to see what is ‘up’ for me on that day. Today I was aware of feeling anxious about teaching. Having taught for nearly 30 years, I consider myself somewhat of a veteran at teaching. In some sense it has defined my life. Yet I am anxious to begin a new class. As I explore this anxiousness I begin to know that it is my ego well at work here.

Will I be liked? Can I do it well enough? Will I do it the way others want me to do it? Will it all be OK? Even, will be OK? I would think that after 30 years I might have answers to these questions. My thinking and feeling was calling for another choice.

“One way to recognize what we are choosing is to notice whether or not our body is tense or we feel depressed, angry or fearful. Our soul is always peaceful and relaxed.” (802: Soul Awareness) I continue with the awareness that I can choose peace instead of this. It seems that this is a major part of laying aside my false persona and focusing on the perception and awareness of my soul.

One thing that I like to do is to turn to A Course in Miracles for guidance, opening spontaneously to a lesson and just allowing it to speak to what is ‘up’ for me, this morning my fears about teaching.

So I open to the Workbook of A Course In Miracles. It is like opening myself to receive what is there and to let it interplay with my issues. As I glance at the page in front of me. I read, “What is Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit mediates between illusions and the truth.” (Lesson 280, p. 487)

It comes to me that Holy Spirit is the mediator between my fears and my truth. I have an ‘aha’ moment. All of my fears are just illusion. They keep me connected to thoughts of separation rather than thoughts of oneness. Thoughts of oneness return me to soul awareness, to an awareness of Love. The teacher becomes the learner here. “For learning, as the Holy Spirit guides it to the outcome He perceives for it, becomes the means to go beyond itself, to be replaced by the eternal truth.” (Lesson 280, p. 487) I say to myself, “to be replaced by Love.”

From this time of meditation, study and reflection, I receive Holy Spirit as my Guide and Answer. I am aware of an awakening. I wake up and awaken to the gift of Spirit, to the gift of Love. “Accept your Father’s gift of Spirit. It is a call from Love to Love, that It be Itself. The Holy Spirit is His gift, by which the quietness of Heaven is restored to God’s beloved Son.” (Lesson 280, p. 437) I center in this awareness, in this thinking, trusting Holy Spirit to be the teacher, trusting Holy Spirit to guide me in my work and returning to the core of my mission of Love.

The following quote speaks clearly to this process of waking up and awakening. “When you get past this hurdle that the ego places in your path, your awakening process becomes much easier. You easily identify with this inner Love and can move in the world with greater detachment. You see through the illusion of separation and maintain your peace and love.” (802: Soul Awareness)

In these perceptions and this awareness and awakening, I give thanks.

© 2006, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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