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January-March, 2004

When We Give, We Truly Receive

by Rev. Bob Thompson, O.M.C.

On October 11th, 2003, a neighbor asked me if I would tutor his eighth grade son, whom the father was afraid might become a high school dropout. The school had been thinking about keeping him in seventh grade for an additional year.

This resonated very strongly with me, because my end of the school year seventh grade report card had the notation, “promoted to eighth grade as long as average is above C level.” So in eighth grade, I doodled a little less, learned to swim, and kept my nose above C level (barely). Having learned to survive the ocean of eighth grade education myself, I thought that I might be able to help him keep his nose above C level, too.

I agreed to participate in the tutoring relationship and the father then talked to his son, who initially was less than enthusiastic about the first two hour session. You may consider “less than enthusiastic” an understatement. I also shared my intent to tutor with a friend, and I added, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” To which my friend smilingly replied, “Yes, Bob. You’re going to learn a lot.”

During the first session, I asked the 13 year old how he felt about spending an extra two hours working with me, especially after he had just spent a whole day in school. With no hesitation he said, “To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid.” I laughed loudly and for a lon-n-n-g-g time until I had tears in my eyes. (I also began to wonder which one of us was the tutor.)

We began talking about what he would really like to do in life. He told me that he had travelled to the State of Washington last summer with a former baby sitter and her husband (also good friends and neighbors of mine) for the naval retirement of one of their sons after 20 years of service. The thirteen year old was deeply committed to becoming a Navy Seal.

Noting that he had difficulty with two, three, and four letter words, I decided to do a basic assessment. I downloaded a free vocabulary list from http://www.tampareads.com (thanks to research done by a local librarian). We started with a First Grade National Vocabulary List of 340 most frequently used words by a first grader. He was able to pronounce, and use in a sentence, 310 of them correctly (90%). He was able to spell 207 correctly (67%).

After sharing these results with him, I asked if he thought he could pass the basic entrance naval exam? He said, “No.” We decided to begin working with the First Grade National Vocabulary Work lists. I asked him about his work experience and he told me that he could do a lot of things. His basic summer job was milking cows for a local farmer, for which he woke himself up at 5:30 every morning without an alarm clock. He also was paid for construction work, cement work, roofing, and washing dishes and cleaning tables at a local country restaurant.

One Friday, I called the restaurant (knowing the owners) made reservations for four, asking if my student, the dishwasher, could be our waiter, so he could meet my friends. The arrangements were made. He did a good job going back and forth between washing dishes, cleaning off tables and serving us — doing three jobs at once.

The following Monday he told me that when they got rushed that Friday and Saturday, they would let him wait on a few other tables. He told me that in addition to his regular hourly pay, he also earned $120.00 in tips. When I mention this to friends, they seriously consider working part time, and ask, “Where is this restaurant?”

The parents invited me to a parent-teachers conference during which I mentioned his “To be old and wise, you must first be, young and stupid” statement. His learning disabilities teacher thought that was great, and wrote down the quote.

After going over his weekly schedule of activities, he felt that he could only study three times a week for two hours. We have been doing that for two months now. He rarely will take a break for a soda, even when repeatedly invited to do so. I shared with him my certainty that he was above average in intelligence and asked him why he was currently in a learning disabilities Class. He smiled and answered, “I goof around some.” (I also suspect that he is a doodler.)

We are now into the 2nd Grade National Vocabulary Lists (over 800 words). His mom and dad are both being trained and have agreed to help him with Grades 3,4, and 5, a total of another 2,500 words. The parents, though divorced for years now, meet weekly with me when they bring him and pick him up. The parents also communicate with me weekly by e-mail, as do a variety of teachers from the school. We are slowly luring other teachers into this highly creative “loop.”

His improvement since mid-October, has been astounding. Especially in his reading, and spelling abilities. He is an encyclopedia of information about everything going on within ten miles of here. ( I am really learning a lot!) Last year at 12, he shot a buck deer for himself and then shot another for his father.

He asks me questions about myself also. For example, he heard that they called me Tiger Thompson when I used to be a boxer. So next time he came over I had a collection of newspaper articles for him to read and a rather dramatic series of 8” by 10” photos documenting my effectiveness as a gladiator. I suspect that I have been or am becoming, a legend in his own mind. That is only fair, for that is what he has become to me because of his heroic efforts. He is the perfect mirror for enabling me to see myself as a child and remember so much from my past that contributed to my being who I am now.

For me, it is an outstanding example that when we give, we truly receive and that when we help another, we are truly helping ourselves. My goal is to work myself out of this highly creative, growth experience as quickly as possible ( I already know, that we are friends and bonded for life). He frequently moves me to hilarious laughter and to tears, like at this moment.

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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