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Gentle Healing Journal Day 14. 9-24-18

Journal for Day 14
LESSON 14
God did not create a meaningless world.

Two things stood out to me. My mind was conflicted as I did this lesson. I felt relief as I reminded myself that some of my favorite horrors do not exist because God did not create them and therefore, they are meaningless. The conflict is that while it is a relief to be reminded of the truth, I see that I don’t completely believe the truth. When I thought of certain things, I felt an emotional reaction that can occur only when we believe something. But of course, if I did not see any horrors in this world, I wouldn’t need this work anymore.
But then, I acknowledged an irritant I had glossed over in my initial reading of the lesson. There was this sentence: “The idea for today is another step in learning to let go the thoughts that you have written on the world, and see the Word of God in their place.” This is the whole point, of course. I want to let go of the thought of the world; I really do. This would truly be salvation.

But it is this phrase, “and see the Word of God in their place,” that bothers me. It annoys me. I want to say to Jesus, “Why not just come out and say what you mean?” What is the Word of God that will take their place? What does that even mean? Tell me something that will make sense to me, that will motivate me, that will give me something I can believe in to take the place of what I currently think.

Instead, we are being asked to step out of the boat and walk over water to where Jesus stands. And, if I am to be perfectly honest, that pisses me off. It feels like he could do better than that and is just choosing to be cryptic. And yes, I know that this is the ego mind wanting the answer to be something that fits into its own paradigm. (Sigh) So, I release my judgment to the Holy Spirit and ask for a different way to see this.

NTI
Romans 7
Chapter 7 is perfect for me to read right now. I met someone at the prison whose story evoked pity for him and for his mother who was visiting him. He was a young man who made a mistake. That mistake means he will spend his entire adult life in prison. He didn’t even do anything to deliberately hurt anyone. He was partying with a prostitute and gave her some drugs that she was probably happy to get. She overdosed on the drugs and so he was held responsible for her death. And now, prison for life. And his mother has to endure this with him. Because I am a mother who finds the idea of something like this happening to her and to her son unendurable, my heart breaks for them both and for me as well.

I am so happy to be reminded that the world is not real and these bodies and these stories are not real. I am happy to remember that we chose this experience and there was a deliberate reason for doing so. No one is a victim here. Everyone is having the experience that they want. When I get emotionally involved in a story the Holy Spirit helps me by sending me symbols of Light. Jesus is one of those symbols. This book is one, and A Course in Miracles is another. My fellow students and teachers are symbols that help my mind to return to truth. Even a visit to a prison is one when willingness lets me see through the visible manifestation to the gift within. I am so grateful.

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