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Study of Text, C 14: IX. TheEquality of Miracles, P 5. 7-7-17

X. The Equality of Miracles, P 5
5 The result is a weaving, changing pattern that never rests and is never still. It shifts unceasingly across the mirror of your mind, and the reflections of Heaven last but a moment and grow dim, as darkness blots them out. Where there was light, darkness removes it in an instant, and alternating patterns of light and darkness sweep constantly across your mind. The little sanity that still remains is held together by a sense of order that you establish. Yet the very fact that you can do this, and bring any order into chaos shows you that you are not an ego, and that more than an ego must be in you. For the ego is chaos, and if it were all of you, no order at all would be possible. Yet though the order you impose upon your mind limits the ego, it also limits you. To order is to judge, and to arrange by judgment. Therefore it is not your function, but the Holy Spirit’s.

Journal

I have become very aware of the changing patterns of my thoughts. It makes me tired just to think about it. But I have also noticed that it is not as chaotic in my mind as it used to be. And the change is not the result of me getting better at managing the chaos. It has happened because I have allowed the Holy Spirit to judge for me and to remove much of what is not true and not real. When the dark thoughts are gone, there is not so much to block the light.

What is left in my mind that still shifts and changes and leaves me uneasy in its unpredictability, is some form of fear for my children. I also notice the belief that I am not worthy and not loveable. These things show up as stories in my life so I know the beliefs are in my mind. But each time I see them in whatever form they take, I turn them over to the Holy Spirit. I look forward to one day soon having a clear mind. I visualize a serene and clear blue sky without a dark cloud to mar its perfect stillness.

I decide this is what I want, and I give the Holy Spirit the ok to work in my mind to bring it about. Judging and healing are His purviews, not mine. I am through trying to make life better and am ready to wake up from this insanity altogether. Holy Spirit, please heal my mind, and help me wake up from the dream of separation that has held my attention for so long, and has hidden my true nature from me. I am ready to remember God and to remember Self.

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