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Study of Text, C 15: The Two Uses of Time, P 12, 9-27-17

I. The Two Uses of Time, P 12
12 You will never give this holy instant to the Holy Spirit on behalf of your release while you are unwilling to give it to your brothers on behalf of theirs. For the instant of holiness is shared, and cannot be yours alone. Remember, then, when you are tempted to attack a brother, that his instant of release is yours. Miracles are the instants of release you offer, and will receive. They attest to your willingness to be released, and to offer time to the Holy Spirit for His use of it.

Journal
The next time I am tempted to hold a grievance against someone else, I am going to think twice. A grievance is a prison I put them in, a prison of beliefs about them that cannot be undone, and so, in my mind, they must remain condemned.

I remember when I was still working I had a grievance against a coworker. I thought she was the kind of person who would gladly stab you in the back if it was to her advantage. Because I believed that and did not allow that belief to be undone, everything she did seemed to prove I was right. I saw all her actions through the filter of my belief.

I held her prisoner of my beliefs, but I also was prisoner to them. I could not turn my back on her because she might cause me problems with her actions or words. I could not relax around her and my anxiety level was high while we worked together. Through my unquestioned judgment of her, I had taken myself hostage and I could not be at peace.

What a lesson that was! I also had the long-lasting grievance against my son. It didn’t feel like a grievance, but I was judging him and his situation and I believed it was a problem. That is a grievance, too, and confusing it with love didn’t change that. I am getting clearer on that situation, as well. I am learning the difference between love and fear.

Perhaps, having learned from these situations, I will never again do that. I hope not. I know that once in awhile, I get that same feeling of judging someone and believing my judgment, but now I mostly only do that briefly, and then I release the other person and in doing so, I release myself. Ahh, freedom!

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