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April-June, 2013

God Is In the Details…

by Rev. Andrea Sassa, O.M.C.

I was one of those people who woke in the morning with a list running in her head. It was that way for years. For a long time, I thought this was good. I thought I was helping myself by immediately setting my day in order and then getting right to it. I prided myself on how much I accomplished and that I did not “waste” time sitting idly. Every second had a purpose!

At some point, I noticed I was holding a lot of anxiety in my body throughout the day. I was anxious about finishing everything on that list, about running out of time. For a while, I accepted the anxiety as a product of our modern life. I challenged myself to be more creative about accomplishing more in each day. I became an expert multi-tasker ­— driving while talking to colleagues on my cell phone, while reading a report, while eating lunch… a perfectly productive modern woman!

I now know that Spirit was gently tapping my awareness, leading me to pay more attention. She kept gently tapping and one day I received the knowingness that I had a choice in this. I was shown that I was anxious because I was choosing anxiety. So, I set about incorporating more relaxation into my day to balance the anxiety. I scheduled yoga, meditation, and more spiritual reading for myself. Did this relieve the anxiety? Well, not at all! It just meant my days started earlier and ended later with a longer list to accomplish.

Then one day I heard myself ask, “What other choices do I have?” You see, prior to this moment, I was receiving the awareness and responding by solving it myself, with my small self. It did not even occur to me to ask Spirit for help. But, the day I asked the question a complete cure for the anxiety became assured.

In A Course in Miracles, Spirit tells us that,

The truth is that you are responsible for what you think, because it is only at this level that you can experience choice.

Whenever you are afraid [anxiety is a form of fear], it is a sure sign that you have allowed your mind to miscreate and have not allowed me [Spirit] to guide it. (T-2. VI.2:6,10) You must change your mind, not your behavior, and this is a matter of willingness. (T-2.VI.3:4) (Italics added)

When I asked the question I became willing; willing to let Spirit lead the way. In Spirit’s tender care, I learned that I was not only choosing anxiety, I was also choosing to have a list in the first place. Life without a list? It was such a novel idea for me to even consider but I continued asking questions. I asked, “Was it possible to not have a list and still be a responsible and productive person? What would a day not driven by a list be like?”

Then one day I tried it. I awoke. My mind jumped into its pattern of list-making. But, this time, I got out of bed and put the list on a mental shelf. I turned to Spirit and asked, “Well, what do I do now?” She said, “Go brush your teeth.” Simple enough, I thought, seemed like a sensible way to start the day.

For years the dentist had been telling me I brush my teeth too hard, to use a soft touch of small circles. I had tried to do this many times but I got too impatient. I would always start thinking about that list and soon I was rushing making large circles with a too firm hand. But, on this day, I brushed tenderly in small circles. I effortlessly stayed present to what I was actually doing.

As I finished this seemingly mundane task, a gentle clarity filled my mind. Spirit was showing me that life without a list would put me in the present. Without the list, I would be free to savor what was happening as it was happening. I would be free of the anxiety I was creating by pushing myself from task to task, living in the future, and missing the tender joy of each moment. So for me, God truly is in the details… and my teeth are no longer over-brushed!

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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