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January-March, 2015

Winter Incubating

by Rev. Andrea Sassa Archuletta, O.M.C.

Hiking the mountain trails around my home, I am reminded that winter is quickly coming. The sun is sitting lower in the sky. Her warming light retreats earlier each day. Chilly darkness moves in for longer and longer nights. Fall’s yellow and gold colors are gone. Stalks topped with their dried flowers remain, fragile against ice-tinged air.

In the stillness of cold and clouds and grey, I sometimes hear myself thinking it feels lonely; that I feel lonely in the silence of winter. I talk to this feeling. I want to know what it is trying to tell me. I believe this feeling is in me because a part of my mind is living in separation from the truth of what I am.

I soften around this lonely feeling, letting it just be in me, without judging or criticizing it… and I learn from it. I receive images of myself as a very young girl, feeling lost and alone in my life. I see a young me — scared, confused, insecure, angry — not knowing how to understand her feelings.

Here, in the present moment, I take the time to breathe… I breathe into the feelings and images, slowly and gently deep into my belly, letting my body know I am safe…

Then, I mindfully invite my Inner Wisdom into my breath, into the memories, the images, the feelings. I let go of controlling what I see or feel and continue breathing.

A new image comes… I see a seedling in soil. One seed, alone, surrounded in darkness and moist in the supportive damp earth. I let this image fill my mind… I sense that the seed knows sunlight and warmth and spring and summer and fall breezes are all just above her, waiting for her… The seed is joyous, trusting in what awaits, and completely content just where she is…

The seedling is content because she knows she needs the wintery stillness, the inward focus, to germinate into a spring sprout… She knows that time beneath the soil builds her for blooming big and bright throughout summer… Incubating in winter fortifies her for the coming luscious sunlight, the quenching rains and the delightful seasonal breezes… 

As this image closes, my Inner Wisdom continues communicating with me. I receive a deep knowing of these words — Sit still and quiet this winter, stiller and quieter than I ever have before… Be with the feelings and images. A healing awaits just beneath them, a healing that will teach me I am never alone. I am free of the past. I am free to be peace and love and joy. I am free to love myself, unconditionally. 

I trust this guidance from my Inner Wisdom; guidance telling me that a lonely feeling or a sad memory is just another form of forgetting what I AM. Because in truth I AM all wholeness, total peace, and complete love in every moment — if I but choose to accept it. And so, here I go, into my winter incubation to remember who I AM, yet again.

Ahhh… Winter!

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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