Pathways of Light Miracles News, 1/00 p.3

Miracles News Winter 2000

Always • What Do I Really Want? • My Choice for Trust • Guilt, the Primordial Suspect • Faith Story • More Winter 2000 Articles
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Always -- by Rev. Derek Dube

Our journey begins the day we first arrive.
Roles, masks and secrets
become our tools to survive.
Love, compassion and
acceptance is for what we strive,
but, in childhood, into an empty pool do we dive.

we laugh, we cry, we watch, we try

As our lives progress,
we don't seem to understand,
that the book of life is written
by our very own hand.
Acknowledging an inconsistent
identity, we choose the generic brand,
searching for hope beneath every grain of sand.

we laugh, we cry, we watch, we try

The illusion we learned as children, is simply a lie.
It's time we awaken and refuse to die.
We are safe, we are innocent,
we are loved, you and I!
The Truth is we are worthy,
abundant and free to fly.

we crawl, we walk, we run, we fly

When expectations are not met,
and life is not up to par,
let go of the past, and life's
gentle answer won't be far.
Are you looking for Truth and the
beauty of who you really are?
The answer is NOW, in this moment,
you bright shining star.

We laugh, we sing, we dance, we love… always.

What Do I Really Want -- by Rev. Mary Manke

What do I really want? I ask this so often. It only shows that I really don't know what my happiness is, or where. What I think will make me happy most often does not, or the feeling of contentment doesn't last. The ego's dictum of 'get, get, get' has nothing to do with happiness. It is never satisfied with what I bring it. So when I am about to rush out in search for another ego quest, I need to ask myself, "What is this for? What is the purpose of this trip? Will the ownership of another 'thing' bring any meaning into my life?"

In my past, buying was always the effect of the ego telling me if I had the 'right' things for my appearance, that would get me approval or love. In a lot of ways it still fools me into going along with its game of buying to get me to feel better about myself. But I am not fooled quite as much any more. I know when the feeling of getting out and going shopping comes in my awareness, then my wounded child wants to feel loved.

I then have the opportunity to look deeper and find the hurt belief that needs healing, and take it to Holy Spirit. I asked Holy Spirit, "How do I give love to the wounded aspect?"

This is the answer I received: "You never have to look far to find Love. In fact you only have to look within to find what you are wanting. Finding Love is learning that you are Love. Nothing more than this is your purpose, your function. I know you still have a part of you that believes you cannot be loved or lovable. I know you have a part that says to be wholly, completely loved is impossible. But remember that this voice does not even recognize the truth. How then can it tell you anything of truth or reason?

"Breathe deeply, (again) breathe deeply." (Now I am given pictures in my mind: I am with Jesus, and we look into a dark corner, that is made bright with His radiance, and my light is joined with his. I see a little gremlin-like thing trying to hide, cowering from this Light of Love. It shrinks a little more in the Light, I go to it and pick it up; it fits in the palm of one hand. I hold it next to my cheek and I sing to it, "I love you, I love you, I always love you, you're never apart from Love." In between repeating the song I take deep breaths. The fear lifts.)

The answer continued: "Whatever you find within your mind is never as horrific as the ego would have you believe. All that is really in your mind is the Love that you were created in. Anything you find there that is unlike Love, is only an illusion. There is nothing there to fear. So when you drop fear and let Love guide you, then you are healing those thoughts that call for healing. You then extend Love to the frightened images hiding from forgiveness. You learn that you are forgiven, and that false concepts are erased from your mind."

With Holy Spirit, I move past the fear to look at the thought that made up the belief of lack or scarcity of love. In me, it always goes back to the belief that I was unlovable, so God must not love me either. Now I am gratefully learning this is not the truth. I am opening to Love and letting Love in. I am able to see with Love's eyes, Love's compassion, and most of all, with Love's forgiveness. Oh happy day, when Jesus came into my mind and washed my fears away!!

Click here if you want to email Mary.

My Choice for Trust -- by Rev. Mary Manke

With the interesting dream I had this morning, I wondered if this was a future picture of me. The dream had a woman who was deeply spiritual, who took her greatest joy from instructing others in learning how to listen to their own inner Guidance.

My thought is that I wish I could be like that, but I doubt that I can do those things with confidence. How do I know that they have received exactly what they need for healing their mind?

This is exactly why I need to practice — listening to Spirit every day. In my practicing, I experience the presence of answers from my Guide; I sense the answers as they come from this loving Presence. He will tell me all I need to know when I need to know it. "Think of His Presence in you and tell yourself this and only this: He leadeth me and knows the way, which I know not. Yet He will never keep from me what He would have me learn. And so I trust Him to communicate to me all that He knows for me." (ACIM™, T14.III.19:2-4)

It is simply a matter of developing my trust, listening every day, in any moment, and trusting the Voice I hear. I also need to recognize when it might be the ego disguised as Spirit. Trust, trust, trust. All I really want is this trust, this pure, undiluted trust. This is not hard, because Spirit has taught me for many years to have patience. "Patience is natural to those who trust."

Twelve years ago Spirit started teaching me to trust by telling me to have patience. I knew that I could be patient. That quest did not seem monumental. Yet the ego tries to tell me that the trust that I want is impossible. But there is no difference between patience and trust; they come together. So why is there fear in me now?

The ego thinks it will lose. It thinks it will lose everything, even life. It wants me to stop right now, not type a letter more, not do another thought, not listen to the calm Voice within my mind. I tell this little voice it doesn't matter. I want Love to guide my life more than anything else. I want to know Love is the path I walk and the Home in which I live. I want to be free of guilt and know the innocence in everyone I see.

The truth is the love and trust I want surround me. It is everywhere I go, because it is in my mind. It has always been here and now I am waking to this gift. It is not difficult at all. It is simply by my willingness. My choice is to let go of my meaningless thoughts, pictures, idols. My choice is to let go — let go of what seems real and offers a false and temporary sense of comfort.

When I have a little willingness, how gentle is the Hand that takes mine. How silent is the correction of my troubled thoughts. With my willingness to let go of false beliefs that seem to uphold me, I experience calm assurance and perfect sight. Then I feel the Love that surrounds us all. Then I accept Love as my only path, my joy, and the only gift I would give to everyone.

I don't feel I am always in this place, not at this point yet. But I have these holy instants, and I feel I'm going there. And I'm very grateful for these instants of sanity.

Click here if you want to email Mary.

Guilt, the Primordial Suspect -- by Rev. Wenona Thomas

It was Saturday morning. I woke up and got into the shower. As I got out of the shower and stood in front of the mirror, putting on my makeup, I began to think, and as I thought, I began to get angry, enraged actually. Suddenly it seemed I had lost all sense of peace of mind, and I had only been awake for 45 minutes!

Angry, I trucked upstairs to smoke a cigarette. As I put on my winter gear in preparation for my venture outdoors, I ran into a house mate. He offered to accompany me during my smoke. I was pleased, but my thoughts were out of control. I needed help to get out my little self.

As we smoked, we talked. I told my friend how angry I was and why. I was angry at my mom and her boyfriend. I felt they had 'wronged' me, that I had been treated unfairly. I was a 'good' person. I didn't deserve to be treated that way. I tried to label them as 'bad' in my mind. I tried to make a case for their punishment to the jury in my head. They were going down, while I was as innocent as ever. After all, I had always done 'right' by them.

As the ego tried the case in my head, I began to feel more and more annoyed by the court that was continuing in my mind. I needed the verdict to be in, and I needed to be the 'winner,' declared innocent and allowed to dole out the punishment to the 'criminals.' I was looking for support and justification for my thoughts. Hooray! I had found an ally! My friend agreed I had the right to be angry, and that if anyone was the victim in the situation, it was me. There! That was all I needed. I don't know exactly what my friend said to me, perhaps he didn't really agree that my mom and her boyfriend were in the wrong. But that is what I heard, that is what I thought I needed to hear, so I would have found someone to tell me that. After the verdict was in, I had found the 'justification' I thought I wanted. At least the war in court was over, temporarily.

As the day went on, there were appeals in court. It seemed that the case was being tried over and over again in my mind. I was second guessing the judgement. Would I have to prove my innocence by finding someone else to jump on the ego bandwagon with me? At this point I thought I needed agreement that I was right. But instead, I examined my day briefly. I recalled the lack of peace that I felt all day. And I began to wonder what went wrong. Where was there an error in my thinking? As I questioned my thinking, I gave Spirit a small opportunity to reveal what was really happening in my mind. Why was I so unreasonably angry at my mother and so intensely dependent on the court declaring my innocence publicly?

As I was talking with my friend and studying A Course in Miracles, I had an "Ah hah!" Suddenly it dawned on me. I remembered one of my first waking thoughts. As I was in the shower, I realized it was Saturday morning, which meant yesterday was Friday. Here at the Center we call them 'free Friday's,' because long distance calls are free all day. I had told my mother I would call her. But I hadn't called her yesterday, and I was feeling guilty. Guilt! My decision to feel guilty had provoked a day of torture in court where my innocence was on the line.

I have heard guilt described before as "ego mortar" by Course students. But that day guilt as "ego mortar" was revealed to me in a very experiential way. I could trace all of my anger and rage, my severe lack of peace, back to one thought: I felt guilty that I hadn't called my mother.

The Course tells me that guilt isn't real. Guilt is untrue, unnatural, false. It goes against our true nature as God's beautiful children. In reality we are all rays of God's Light. We are worthy and deserving of Love. I am learning from the Course that guilt is simply a result of insane thinking. Yet I sometimes forget what the Course says about this when my buttons get pushed.

This was an important lesson for me. I will always remember my experience with the judge and jury in my head that day, and the pain that it caused me—the mental anguish. This experience has reinforced that buying into guilt causes pain. I don't need to go through the pain that I created for myself. All I need to do is to recognize thoughts of guilt and ask for help from Holy Spirit to let them go, because I can't do anything alone.

Click here if you want to email Wenona.

Faith Story -- Anonymous

I had someone living with me and found that everything that could go 'wrong' with this living arrangement, did. At first I was tempted, several times, to ask this boarder to leave, for it seemed that one problem followed another. Finally, I woke two nights in a row at 3 a.m. and could not sleep. Should I ask this person to leave? I decided I would pray and read A Course in Miracles all night if necessary until I found some relief in my own mind. It took three hours the first night for my mind to surrender its own ideas and be willing to see this differently. My boarder was a whole, innocent Son of God, just like me. My mind relaxed totally. However, nothing in the situation seemed to change.

The second night, I again woke up feeling tense and uncertain. So I determined again that I would pray and read until I could see this brother with vision. Surely, this person was just like me, and God loves us both equally. Again, it took until dawn for me to feel certain that we are exactly the same, complete and perfect Being, joined in Oneness with each other and All that Is. Finally my mind relaxed totally, healed of its concern, fear and misery. I knew the truth of our one Being, and released the 'problem' completely.

That day my boarder got up and went to work, came home with money for a share of the bills, bought groceries and invited a friend who is a stable and supportive influence home for dinner. While expressing appreciation for my support, my boarder said, "I think this time my life is really going to change, and I am going to make it."

Always • What Do I Really Want? • My Choice for Trust • Guilt, the Primordial Suspect • Faith Story • More Winter 2000 Articles