A New Way to See

My Victim Story ~~ Forgiveness Releases the Dreamer of the Evil Dream

My story was that I was unwanted, and unloved.

I made note of the many times that I felt abandoned.…being 4 weeks premature at birth I was put in a incubator, my mother had no chance to hold or bond with her new baby.

I remained at the hospital for 4 weeks, when it was determined that I could go home, my mother was ill so that my great-aunt and father came to take me home.

At a young age, my Grandfather, mother and brother went to an area of hickory trees to pick nuts. After our lunch I fell asleep, and mom, grandpa and brother continued looking for nuts. They were out of sight when I awoke, and I let out a scream, thinking that I was alone.

Another time, my mother was trying to get us ready to attend the wedding of one of her cousins. Through no fault of her own, she was late so she felt pressured. There had not been the invention of hair conditioner, and my long hair was tangled after my bath. I cried as she tried to comb out the snarls. In frustration she cut my hair short. I felt ashamed, and even worse when a friend at the wedding made a joke about my appearance.  Once more I was unloved.

It seemed that whenever I garnered disapproval from parents, that meant I was not wanted and not worthy of love. These misperceptions have been carried with me, so I could keep the victim status. These perceptions were kept safe by the ego mind. Every thing that was “done against me” was carefully cataloged by the ego mind. My judgment became that my mother was not ready for me, she did not want me, she then neglected my emotional needs.

I asked Holy Spirit; Help me to see this differently. I am willing to free my mother of my projections and judgment. I would see her as pure and innocent, simply playing a part that I designed for my learning.

Spirit: You came with intention of learning to believe in yourself. Now you realize that it is your Self that you really want to have faith in. You mistook the egoic agenda of being right, as your need to have approval.
In the dream your mother seemed not to give emotional support, nor communicate with understanding to you. This was to facilitate your lessons in accepting your feelings, but not getting caught in them. To learn to listen clearly and to learn to communicate clearly to others.  She performed exactly as you desired…. can you now see her innocence and perfection?

I then felt a gentle peace enfold me.

A day later, these thoughts came to mind:  Only truth is true.  I cannot reconcile illusions with truth. Attempting to do this, makes me unhappy—- and diverts my attention away from truth.
The guilt I “see” in others is only the guilt I believe is in me. I think all is dark within me and will not look there. But the truth is—all is light within,
because God put it there and it has not changed.
I was led to read in ACIM:
T 13.X.9, 4&5
In the shining peace within you is the perfect purity in which you were created. Fear not to look upon the lovely truth in you.                                                                                      T 13.X.10, 5-7   You who have always loved your Father can have no fear, for any reason, to look within and see your holiness. You cannot be as you believed you were. Your guilt is without reason because it is not in the Mind of God, where you are.  (Italics mine)

T 14.II.5, 5-7   When you teach anyone that truth is true, you learn it with him. And so you learn that what seemed hardest was the easiest. Learn to be a happy learner. You will never learn how to make nothing everything. 5 Yet see that this has been your goal, and recognize how foolish it has been. 6 Be glad it is undone, for when you look at it in simple honesty, it is undone. 7 I said before, “Be not content with nothing,” for you have believed that nothing could content you. 8 It is not so

In giving up my self deceptions, I allow everything to be as it is. I can look on my past and let it be as it was. I can look with truth and see that nothing was “done to me.”
I chose this experience to offer myself another way of being; to forgive what never happened. To see my brother’s (mother’s) guiltlessness. For they remain as God created them, one with me, one with All That Is.

The hidden belief was that I rejected mother (leaving the womb early) and abandoned her. Those thoughts became the “safe way out”—- to reject others before they could abandon me. Nothing can happen to me without my consent. I set up all those “traumas” for the specific lesson to learn that I have choice in how I react or feel about any experience. If I look at my past story—- I can look with Love and see every form of fear and guilt was a call for love or help. I can see that I was not a victim of an antiquated hospital system nor an uncaring mother. I was not a victim of abandonment. These thoughts were chosen by the fearful mind that wanted to project it’s belief in guilt that it abandoned God and did not want God.
And now, I forgive the dream story that I made.  I forgive the actor(s).  I forgive my foolish thoughts of fear. 
I have never been harmed, never rejected, never alone.

LESSON 247.

Without forgiveness I will still be blind.
W-247.1. Sin is the symbol of attack. 2 Behold it anywhere, and I will suffer. 3 For forgiveness is the only means whereby Christ’s vision comes to me. 4 Let me accept what His sight shows me as the simple truth, and I am healed completely. 5 Brother, come and let me look on you. 6 Your loveliness reflects my own. 7 Your sinlessness is mine. 8 You stand forgiven, and I stand with you.
W-247.2. So would I look on everyone today. 2 My brothers are Your Sons. 3 Your Fatherhood created them, and gave them all to me as part of You, and my own Self as well. 4 Today I honor You through them, and thus I hope this day to recognize my Self.

~~~Thank you Holy Spirit, please continue.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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