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October-December, 2022

A Mother’s Trust

by Jessica Joy McNeil, Ministerial Candidate

I found A Course in Miracles about four years ago, soon after Jesus himself came to me in a life-changing vision. Finding the Course felt like coming home, as it was seemingly teaching me the things that I had already been shown by Jesus himself, while giving me the tools to dive deeper into these beautiful teachings.

Not long after discovering this miracle of a book, I was led to the Pathways of Light ministerial training. This training for me has been slower than for most, as I’ve made a lot of life changes within this time. But taking my time with it has allowed me to really connect everything that I’m learning to the experiences that I’m living, and this integration has led to an incredibly powerful and transformative practice.

I write these words as I look out my bedroom window upon another magical Florida sunset after a powerful thunderstorm. It seems perfectly fitting to be what my body’s eyes look upon as I tell this story. 

A couple of weeks ago I had an experience that was the scariest experience I’ve had thus far as a mother. It would have been completely different if it happened to me before finding the Course. The craziest thing about it was that it was really a miracle in disguise.

Basically, the story begins with a simple walk to the store with my three children, and my mother and grandfather, who were visiting from out of state.

While on this innocent walk, my eight-year-old son went missing. It began harmlessly enough, when, as we were walking through the neighborhood, my son ran into some of his little buddies. I told him that he could walk with them for a minute, then turn around and meet us at the store (a walk that we take almost daily).

As I know my son well, and he tends to get lost in his own world, I wanted to be sure that he didn’t get distracted in his joy, so no more than two minutes after I watched him walk away, I turned around myself to make sure that he turned around.

I then walked, and walked, and walked some more, and this beautiful child of mine was suddenly gone. I continued to walk around the neighborhood for at least 30 minutes calling his name, while consciously making an effort to release any tension that was creeping up in my body, and asking the Holy Spirit to heal any fear-based thoughts that were creeping in.

I was shown over and over a vision of my son playing games with his little friends at their house and my inner Guide told me again and again that all was well.

Unfortunately I had visitors, and we are understandably not at that same place of trust.

Suddenly my choices and my parenting were being brought into question (well played ego, well played). The fear would again start to creep in, and I would consciously push it back and lean into trust. You see, I knew in my heart where he was, but I didn’t know where these boys lived, as we know them from the pool and playing outside. We live in an area where there are hundreds of apartments surrounded by many single-family homes.

Not long after this I called some friends for help, and decided to get the police involved, as it was getting dark and there was a storm rolling in.

The more people that I brought into help, the further away I slipped from the Holy Spirit and from trust, and it took everything that I had not to get completely caught up in the energies of fear swirling around me through all of the blame and in my own feelings of guilt.

I am thankful to have a strong connection to my inner Guide (Holy Spirit), which I can definitely attribute to my years of diving deeply into the Course through my Pathways of Light ministerial training.

Throughout all of this I kept receiving a clear message to call Deb Fee, my ministry Facilitator, who has become one of my dearest friends.

She has an incredible ability to allow the Holy Spirit to guide our conversations, and to help me see things differently when I can’t seem to get there on my own.

Eventually, after a couple of hours, probably more, but time had ceased to exist at this point, I was able to ask everyone around me for some space, and I went into my room and finally called Deb. 

I can’t imagine that the conversation was easy for her, but she calmly let the Holy Spirit guide her words, which helped me to calm down and to connect with the peace within me, and no lie, as soon as I was able to find that peaceful place again, and surround myself with the healing Light that Jesus himself once taught me was always there, my beautiful child walked through the door.

It was the most incredible moment of learning just how amazing things can be if we truly, without any doubt, allow ourselves to trust in the pure Love of God, which is everything. 

What came next was the most beautiful part. My heart was bursting with Love, a Love that I could spread around. The whole experience brought everyone together, even people that just so happened to need a little push towards forgiveness and letting go.

Something that I am learning every day is that when these things happen, especially when they are the craziest things that can make us feel like we are going insane (and I’ve had quite a few lately), there is always something greater happening.

These “hard” experiences, if we are willing to change our perceptions and look at them through a different lens, can turn into the most beautiful moments of healing our fear based thoughts. And if we can truly let go and let God, anything is possible, and everything will always be okay.

© 2022, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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