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April-June, 2013

A Lesson from the Holy Spirit

by Rev. Cathey Jo Tomilenko, O.M.C.

The last ten months of 2012 have been very challenging in my life. I had a lumbar fusion in March of 2012 and another one which was an emergency in August of 2012. I thought I was finally on the upswing of mending this physical body when in October I slipped and fell and broke my leg. Up until this event I knew that the Holy Spirit was guiding me back to health. In fact, the Holy Spirit and I were partners for many years in healing mind, body and spirit. I was doing my part and the ability of the billions of cells in this miracle body of mine was doing the rest.

Something happened to my Spirit when I fell and broke my leg. I lost my ability to depend on God and the Holy Spirit to help me. For the first time in many a year I felt lost, angry, upset, frustrated and kept saying to myself, “Why, why, why?” How could this happen when my faith has already gotten me through at least 30 surgeries over the years from a car accident and especially the last two fusions on my back? I was so angry at myself for slipping on my kitchen floor, which is how I broke my leg. I was so upset in the emergency room at the hospital I was crying, saying to the doctors, “Don’t tell me this. I can’t handle anymore, I don’t want to hear it.” I couldn’t even make any wise or healthy decisions at the time. My friend Miriam had to make them for me. I spent the next two days at home, now wearing a leg brace for 10 weeks, in a wheel chair, not being able to do anything, having a great pity party with myself. I was still angry, although I wasn’t sure if the anger at the time was directed more at me or God. Where had my faith and trust in the Holy Spirit gone?

After two days of nothing but anguish, I finally decided this is enough. It was time to take a deep breath, and step back and get myself out of the way. I was sitting in my chair with my leg up, reading the book mark “ I REMEMBER WHO I AM” from Pathways of Light. I read, ”I accept that I am Love and I stay in tune with the Highest Source within me and let It guide my ways.” I calmed myself down and went back to my basic principles of Spirit. I finally said, “Okay God, I don’t know why this happened and right now I guess it doesn’t make any difference, but I need help.” I then sat quietly and prayed, asking the Holy Spirit for help in bringing me back my peace, my joy, my happiness that I was able to experience and live through all the other surgeries. For I do know in my heart that the Holy Spirit is always there guiding me, helping me through any challenge I may experience in this world, knowing that in truth nothing in this world counts anyway, that the dream we created in this world is so temporary that it has no value and I for the last two days had given my power to it. Only the truth would get me through this event. I am a spiritual creation, the same creation of God. I was finally able to get out of my head and into my heart, feeling the Holy Spirit within me. I continued to read “I know the perfect circumstances present themselves for my perfect continued growth. I am Love, I am Joy, I am Peace.”

Once I could let go of the anger and go back to the basic principle of being this wonderful creation of a living and loving God, peace came over me. I knew from that moment that the Holy Spirit, which is always with us, was guiding me to my higher good, which is living truth principles and not giving my power away to the dream.

I soon began to understand that the Holy Spirit was teaching me many lessons, especially one of humbleness. It is so easy for us to “Give,” so why was it so difficult to “Receive”? As ministers we give prayer, support, and love in so many ways, but all of a sudden I found myself having to say “HELP.” I couldn’t drive a car, I couldn’t grocery shop, I couldn’t get myself to doctor appointments and at the beginning, I couldn’t even get dressed by myself. I remembered my sister once told me, “When someone offers to help you, don’t take away their gift to you.”

In my ACIM class I always say, “We are all teachers and all students, and we all minister to each other in many ways.” Well I guess I really became the student.

This experience in the last ten weeks has really taught me how to receive lovingly and with gratefulness. I also learned that blessings come in many ways.

The first blessing was knowing that the Holy Spirit is always guiding me and never leaves my side. I didn’t break a hip, I didn’t need surgery on my leg, I was still able to laugh, sing, talk, read, see, hear — all the little things we take for granted. I even felt how blessed we are with all the little gadgets that man created to make life easier while our spirits are in these bodies, such as a wheel chair, a grabber to pick things up and a little plastic thing with a long string on it so I could put my socks on.

My church family sent me cards. After several weeks, I was able to be picked up so I could go to church. My church family and friends called me every day to pray with me. Miriam, my friend who lives next door, helped me shower, dress, and grocery shop.

This probably has been the most humbling blessed lesson I learned throughout my years of working on living a very spiritual life and learning about truth. My life will never be the same again. I am and have been blessed in so many ways. No matter what the events are in the dream world our ego’s create, the Holy Spirit is always guiding us for our spiritual growth.

I learned to receive with love and be grateful for all the little things we take for granted that most of us never pay attention to. I am so grateful for being a student of A Course In Miracles. At the moment the biggest miracle was knowing that the Holy Spirit was with me all the time, that I am and always was in God’s care. I just had to go back to the basic principle into my heart and recognize the truth of my creation. My brace will be off in two weeks. I will again be able to drive and the best gift is being able to get back to facilitate my class again, A Course In Miracles. The truth is I AM LOVE, I AM JOY, I AM PEACE all the time, and the Holy Spirit has many ways to remind me of this truth. This experience was one of them.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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