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January-March, 2017

Fear of Healing

by Rev. Gail Hamley, O.M.C.

“Is healing frightening? To many, yes. For accusation is a bar to love, and damaged bodies are accusers.” (T-27.II.1:1-3)

The quote above continues “Who has been injured by his brother, and could love and trust him still?” (1:5) It seems to be the state of our world today, doesn’t it? And when I look at my own responsibility in the ‘state of the world’ I can clearly say that I have been a grand participant in this consciousness… until recently. 

For starters I began to recognize the ‘fear of healing’ as I mentored people who seemed to be stuck. Beautiful answers would arise from them as solutions to current problems but they seemed not to be able to hear them. Stuck in a circle of distrust and accusations, love was barred from entering their awareness. Since this happened several times, I began to question my own ‘fear of healing’. Certainly I was in a teaching and learning relationship with these beautiful souls  and it was time for me to look at what they were teaching me. 

The first question that came to mind was: Who is God to me? After I affirmed an omniscient, omnipresent Oneness, an energy field of Love, Wisdom and Grace, the second question arose: Then why do I continue to experience separation and fear?

Several examples came to mind such as self-protecting myself through ‘shyness’ when meeting new people or the feeling of walking on eggshells in the presence of someone who is angry or judging someone who looks down and turns away rather than giving me a greeting. And even as I pray to create a new ministry, fear comes up in thoughts such as “I can’t do that!,” “I need more training,” or “I am afraid to work with those people!” I also began to realize that I still had a bit of victim mentality running through my thoughts. It showed up in pointing fingers of blame when something didn’t go the way I expected. I knew it was time to align myself with my Pathways of Light lessons and with the God I knew to be True. Through meditation I touched the inner place within me that held a tiny thought of fear and I wept.

I wept at the magnificence of the lesson I was receiving! I asked for help. I asked to see in a different way. I re-committed to daily morning and evening meditations. I re-committed to opening my awareness in each moment to knowing the Truth that I AM a whole and divine expression of Creation and so is everyone and everything else. I re-committed to taking full responsibility for my experiences and I re-committed to honoring the sacred which meant that I see all people, places, things and experiences as sacred. I have a choice.

I am happy to say that I am witnessing a change in my consciousness. Why even this morning as I walked along a path I noticed a baby snake and rather than run as fast as my feet would carry me, I slowed down and marveled at his coloring. Beauty. Beauty everywhere. Later in the day a healing conversation took place as well. Love. Love everywhere. Lesson 293 states “All fear is past and only love is here. All fear is past, because its source is gone, and all its thoughts gone with it.” Amen.

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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