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April-June, 2010

Fear, Pain and a Wondrous Heart!

by Rev. Bob Thompson

As I look back on my life, and all the changes in occupations, residences, relationships, and many varied experiences, it truly seems that perhaps in some very real way, I have already lived several lifetimes.

As a grade school and high school student, I lived with fear, because my two brothers and I were repeatedly, physically, and emotionally bullied by other students. We never thought of ourselves as fighters. For us it was flight, not fight, and so we three became very accomplished runners while still quite young.

I also boxed in my high school senior year. I know now that I volunteered to do so because of fear. Boxing was a way for me to face the fear of being physically hurt.

My first fight in the high school boxing ring, was with Whitey, who was a heavyweight. It was a well-attended, evening, community event. My high school fighting weight was 152 pounds. Whitey probably weighed around 200 or so. I remember Coach Siewert asking me to fight Whitey, and today am still amazed that he asked me to do so. I am even more amazed that I agreed! I think it very probable that Coach Siewert saw something in me at that time that I did not see in myself. The results of that fight justified Coach Siewert’s apparent “faith” in me.

My final public high school boxing match, was with Peter B. III. My copy of the Portage Paper’s description of that boxing match with Peter reveal an aggressive side to my nature that I did not know existed.

Then came a major change. Upon finishing high school, I volunteered into the U.S. Army. After Basic Infantry Training, I received two months of Military Police Training. I was then shipped to La Republica de Panama. In Panama, I fought in the military for two boxing seasons, participating in memorable fights in the Panama Area Armed Forces Tournaments.

Boxing in Panama brings back three vivid memories: The first, of my being “booed” by several thousand soldiers before my fight began because the Military Police on our base were not well liked. To have several thousand people project their dislike onto you noisily, in public, is devastating. It is like having the crap beaten out of you, psychologically and emotionally, before the physical fight actually begins. They booed me, three fights in a row! I remember asking myself, “What am I doing here?” I know now that the answer was,  again, my coping with early fears from being bullied and being physically hurt. At the time though, it was just something that I thought I had to do and was willing to do again and again, without really understanding why.

The second event was winning my first three military matches with first round knock-outs. Nobody was more surprised than I! I was just trying to keep from getting killed. (Which thousands were hoping would happen!) That first year I received the Best Sportsmanship Award as a boxer from the base commander. People later told me, that my dad, Charles Thompson, carried some of those newspaper clippings and 8x10 photos with him to share with many in the Portage area.

The third boxing event is etched in my memory. As I was leaving the ring after a fight in the Panama Area Armed Forces Boxing Tournament, I was given a standing ovation from the spectators for a fight that I lost. It may well have been my very best fight, ever. I wonder to this day what prompted those spectators to applaud the bloodied loser as he was leaving the ring. I suspect they saw something in me which I am only now just beginning to see in myself. 

And now, at 73, as I look back on all those fear motivated experiences over fifty years ago, I ask myself, “What came of all that?” This is what I have finally learned. That I have a wondrous heart. And so do you.

© 2010, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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