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So Good to Have Him Back

by Rev. Larry Glenz

It’s 3:25 am. This is the first night that I didn’t take a Zanax since my 27 year old son, Kevin, died ten days ago. I never took Zanax before he died. They’re unbelievable, these little pills. I slept 8 straight hours each night without waking or even remembering any dreams the next morning. I didn’t take one tonight. I’ve got one on my dresser right now but I’ve decided to stay up. Kevin is talking to me.

He died of a heroin overdose on Valentine’s Day. He’d been battling an opiate addiction for more than seven years — mostly unsuccessfully. It was an overwhelming compulsion to get high that took him down — that and some bad heroin. He’d been in many rehabs. They didn’t work for him. He couldn’t get past Step Two in the Twelve Step program: “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” The craving for him to get high on heroin was all consuming. In the days, weeks or months when he was clean and sober, he dreamed of getting high every night — every night! The shame and guilt that accompanied each relapse haunted him. He is free of all that now. And he’s talking to me.

Of course he’s going to talk to me! I’m his guy. I’ve been trying to hand over Kevin’s drug addiction to the Holy Spirit for the whole seven years since we discovered the problem. I’ve been studying A Course in Miracles diligently. I’ve been studying other literature from Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon, as well as many other books, CD’s, and videos in the field of personal development. I know I have understood the concepts pretty well — but putting them into daily practice has been more difficult. Kevin’s addiction tested my belief in Love more than anything else could have.

A Course in Miracles teaches us that in every moment, 24/7, we are either holding the hand of the ego or the Holy Spirit. Kevin’s addiction often caused me to be confused over whose hand I was holding. That damned ego has some amazing disguises. Forcing him into rehabs and using all of my leverage in taking away things like cars, college, jobs, cell phones, etc. seemed like the responsible thing to do as a parent. I convinced myself of that enough times and certainly received enough support from the professionals to believe that I had the right approach. Recovery programs made Kevin aware that there was help out there and others had achieved success in combating addiction as strong as heroin. But he didn’t buy into the concept of Step Two. He was convinced that heroin was stronger than his Higher Power. And so it was.

Kevin and I used to battle over much smaller things before drugs became an issue in his late teens. We’d battle over who were the best players on a sports team. We’d fight over the importance of good hygiene habits or the value of money.  We would test our personal wills against each other over many insignificant things — and he was always a worthy opponent. But once the opiates — starting with oxycontin — were introduced to him in college, Kevin’s arguments against sobriety became totally irrational. Kevin had the disease of addiction to opiates and his thinking became insane.

I know today Kevin is totally at peace.  Now when I turn to the Holy Spirit for help, I get Kevin telling me if it’s really Him or the ego in disguise. I no longer need to agonize over how Kevin is doing.  He’s with Holy Spirit now and always will be. And he’s a lot of fun again. He’s making me laugh when my tendency is to cry every morning uncontrollably. When I do cry, I sometimes hear his voice saying to me, “Hey, Big Shot, whose hand are you holding right now — the ego’s or the Holy Spirit’s? I told you, he always was a worthy opponent.

It’s only been ten days since his fatal overdose. He has left behind a four month old baby girl, Olivia. His death has saddened an entire community. I know that everything I ever do from here on in my life will be influenced by Kevin’s help in connecting me to Holy Spirit. It feels good to have him back, actually. I love him so — and only the Love is real.

Kevin told me it’s going to be easier for me to choose between the ego and Holy Spirit. I’ve got him with me now and it’s good to have him back. I can only imagine where he’s going to take me because he is a very interesting kid. And he says he’s got plans for me. Oh boy!

Rev. Larry Glenz is a Pathways of Light minister living in Long Island, New York.

© 2010, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice and website address are included.

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The One About My World

by Rev. Stephan Mead

In the world of form, I am a general contractor. These past few years, business has been very good. In fact, until this fall I can’t remember a single day when I didn’t have work for my company. I had plenty of money and was able to spend it without concern for the future. A couple of months ago business seemed to have just dried up and my efforts to secure new projects were failing.

At first, I was not too worried about the financial impact of no income coming in. I would reassure myself that “all is as it should be,” and, “this is a time for trust and faith.” Holding those thoughts presented no real difficulty because of what I had in savings, and, I am usually a very optimistic person. How quickly things can change!

In one week, I received letters from the department of revenue of my state and from the IRS. While they seemed to have been entertained by my last filed returns, their auditors came up with dramatically different amounts in the column titled, “amount owed.” After writing checks to cover just a small portion of this new debt, My reserve funds were depleted and, on my desk was a stack of bills that I hadn’t even opened yet.

OK, forget what I said about being an optimist. I was angry, scared and filled with a sense of, “this just isn’t fair!” Plus, if I really wanted to be honest in this story, I would share with you that I felt persecuted and singled out to be destroyed by the government. In a very brief moment of sanity, I asked the Holy Spirit to show me how I might see my situation differently, to see it in a way where I could be at peace. With all the willingness I could muster, I gave the Holy Spirit one second to comply with my request. What came from my demand was that I had rent due the next day and no way to pay it. Thank you Holy Spirit!

I am studying the workbook lessons, beginning to end, for the seventh time in as many years. The experience I am having with them now is so different and so much more personal. In A Course in Miracles lesson 10, “My thoughts do not mean anything,” has been extremely challenging, because I realized that to me, my thoughts mean everything! I just could not get myself out of the funk I was in.

What happened was that I decided to share the insane thoughts that were now dominating my life with my dear friend, fellow course student and ex-wife. “You will see your value through your brother’s (ex-wife’s) eyes.” (T-25.VI.8:1) With her help and a day of quiet meditation, I felt renewed and ready to be led once again.

Almost immediately, I was hired to do a major kitchen remodel. Everything was looking up! Once again, all would be well! (Now that the money was flowing.) My whole sense of security and purpose was on track. Yes! The form of my life was how I wanted it. I was in control!

“Seek not escape from problems here. The world was made that problems could not be escaped.” (T-31.IV.2:5-6)

Those familiar to the Course, won’t be surprised that this particular passage came up next in my reading. After the initial thought that, “This can’t be right; Jesus must have made a mistake.” I had a good laugh. I actually smiled my way into a place of sanity. My ego belief that deep, deep down, I know what I need to be happy, was exposed as the lie it is. My experience became available to me. I don’t know how to manufacture a peaceful and happy life. Why isn’t that fact completely accessible at all times to me? So, the form of my life continues… and with total gratitude, I can spend much more time in the content! Peace to you, and Peace to me!

Rev. Stephan Mead is a Pathways of Light minister living in Seattle, Washington.

© 2010, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice and website address are included.

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Seeing Past the Leaves

by Rev. Vicki Rostant

I was recently sitting in a bus heading downtown. Part of the route was alongside a large park just outside of the city. I always make sure I sit on the side of the bus that looks onto the park, so I can enjoy looking at the trees. On this day, the weather was cold and dreary, but the sky was clear. I had spent some time that morning studying and reflecting on material from Joel Wright’s new book, The Mirror On Still Water, as I had been for several days.

Being at the heart of winter, the trees were bare of leaves. At first, all I saw were the bare branches on the trees and how sad the scene looked in the dreary light. Simultaneously, I was holding in my mind what I was learning from Joel’s scribing. Suddenly, I saw past the dark branches and became aware of the light in the clear sky.

A smile came onto my face. Against the background of the light, the trees no longer looked bare and dark. They looked majestic and regal. They just were what they were at this point in their growth, in this winter.

Then I had an image of the trees clothed in all their green leaves as they would be in the spring and later on in the fall, when the leaves became colorful. I realized that, when the trees have leaves on them, that is all I see, especially when they became a riot of color. I would no longer notice the structure of the tree itself, and especially, I would not notice the sky, nor the light in the sky. I would be distracted by the obvious, the blatantly visible, what I was used to seeing.

Then it dawned into my mind that, just as I get distracted by the leaves and do not see beyond them to the light in the vast sky, so it is with thoughts. When my mind is full of thoughts — judgments, criticisms, fears, planning, doubts, uncertainties, desires, forms, images and other ego-driven coverings, I do not see beyond them to the Light beyond them. I do not see the clarity and wholeness present and which offer a new perspective. I do not experience the joy and peace which come from seeing beyond the obvious, especially when I have labeled it as ‘colorful’!

However, when the mind, through Holy Spirit’s guidance using a little willingness from me, is cleared of noise and clutter, it expands from its preoccupation with the same old repetitive clamor. The inner vision clears, the Light and Wholeness that is always there fills the mind, healing occurs, and joy and peace is reclaimed. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for the ride in the park.

Rev. Vicki Rostant, OMC is a Pathways of Light minister living in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

© 2010, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice and website address are included.

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I Am You, You Are Me, We Are One

by Rev. Sue A. Hannon

Dear Beloved Brothers and Sisters in Christ — This means all who are reading this, even those who aren’t (as funny as that sounds) because we are all equal members of the One Family of God! I know that my purpose in this “dream world of illusions” is to remember in each and every moment Who my Heavenly Father/Mother really Is on earth as in Heaven — God the Father; God the Mother; God of all Creation; God of Love, Gentleness, Mercy, Joy, Peace, Innocence, God of all that is Eternal! 

In that total and profound remembrance, I remember Who I AM — A Divine Creation of God’s holy Love, as Love, eternally!  In this recent enlightenment and Self-Realization on a much deeper level then ever before, I will continue to remember then that I am a Divine Creation/Child of Love by extending Love; a Divine Creation/Child of gentleness by being gentle; a Divine Creation/Child of mercy by being merciful; a Divine Creation/Child of joy by being and expressing joy; a Divine Creation/Child of peace by being peaceful; a Divine Creation of innocence by believing whole-heartedly in my innocence!

Seriously, I laugh to think that I had thought that I could be anything other than the Truth of Who I AM, Who I always was, Who I always will be!  My remembrance is no longer just in my mind and the words I speak, but within the quiet and stillness of my heart shared with my Heavenly Father/Mother and without in my every action! It is in my being Love in motion that I will keep from forgetting again the grandeur and exhilaration of my “total and profound Remembrance.” It is in the believing without a single doubt that this “world” is only a “dream world of illusions” and that I have never left the Home or Loving and safe embrace of my Heavenly Father/Mother, which is the truth for us all in spite of how our human eyes and ears, erroneous beliefs and false ideas would try to convince us differently. 

The “dream,” of which no part is my Truth, is only the catalyst to “choose once again” (ACIM T-31.VIII) with Holy Spirit (the Voice for God) to remember my eternal Oneness with God, my Heavenly Father/Mother and Who that makes me!  With that thought, I can let go of all self-imposed guilt. The freedom from understanding not only the self-imposed guilt but, in this understanding, the freedom from the suffering and pain of thinking I had left the “Home” of my Heavenly Father/Mother (which in Truth I never did) and that I was some how separated from God’s Love because of it (which in Truth could never happen) is, as I said, exhilaratingly freeing! 

The understanding of the paradox that my “forgetfulness” in truth helped me to “remember,” blesses me with my Divine birthright and heritage of not only my Innocence but everyone’s, and the Divine abundance of God’s Love that we are meant to share; His peace which blesses us all; and God’s grace in which I want to live with joy, laughter and a sense of light-heartedness.

I want to share with you a definition of “grace” by Étienne Pait: “Grace is a shift in perception which consequently allows us the recognition or the ability to see the beauty or to have a glimpse of the pure Presence of God. The way it’s felt in the body is ultimate peace, pure peace. So it could be we miss the mishap or we have the mishap — no ego involved. Grace is the step before the constant living with the recognition of the Presence of God in each and every moment.” 

With my enlightenment and Self-realization “felt” on a soul level as never before, the understanding of Étienne’s definition of “grace” has become crystal clear to me and I am filled with gratitude beyond what any words could ever express for the Divine abundance of God’s constant Presence in my life and the realization that It always has been a part of my earthly life! What I can not “express” in words,  I can do in action to show my gratitude to my Heavenly Father/Mother by letting only God/Love work through Me, for Me and with Me, as Me, because that is what I AM — Love eternal!

To help me remember and maintain my enlightenment and Self-realization,” I realize I must also be continuously vigilant for those thoughts and actions that are valuable and for those thoughts and actions that are valueless. What is “valuable” is only that which comes from Love, gives Love, returns to Love and is eternal — cannot ever change or ever be changed. And any thought or action that does not come from Love, does not give Love or does not return to Love and is temporary and changeable. If a thought or action helps me remember Who my eternal Father/Mother is, Who I Am and the Oneness we all share, then it is valuable because of the clarity it offers me and the Love and peace I will feel! 

If the thought or action is unloving, judgmental, fearful, condemning and/or surrounded with anger, it is valueless, even though it often times has the “illusion” of being or feeling “real.” It is just part of the “dream world of illusions” that I created to “help” me “choose once again” with the help of Holy Spirit to remember my Truth, which is the Truth for all of us. 

So I will “choose once again” and again and again, however many times it takes for me to see through Christ’s Vision, to feel, to know without a single moment in doubt. I not only know but am “living” — being Love in motion — Who my Heavenly Mother/Father is (eternal Love), Who that makes me (a Divine Creation/Child of God/eternal Love), Who that makes all of us, and not only my Oneness with God eternally but with you, my Divine Brothers and Sisters in Christ because we share the one birthright and heritage!

In my “right-mindedness,” which “listens to the Holy Spirit, forgives the world and through Christ’s vision sees the real world in its place,” (C-1.5:2) I can easily forgive myself and all others with the change in my perception and whole-hearted recognition of the “illusion” that anything ever “happened” to me that was “real” except for God/Love because nothing, absolutely nothing, but God — Love — is real and eternal.

The “ego” — which is simply a set of false and erroneous beliefs — can be quite proficient and tricky in trying to have me believe something other than what is Real and what is Truth. As soon as I am aware that I no longer am in a state of “pure peace” — recognizing “the Presence of God in each and every moment,” I will not only ask Holy Spirit but allow Holy Spirit to replace any and all valueless beliefs (without exception) and fill my heart with God’s Divine Love, holy peace, gentle strength and crystal clarity of what is of Truth and eternal!

Yes, I believe it is that simple to release myself from the “prison” of pain and suffering, guilt, anger and fear that my erroneous and mistaken beliefs would have me locked in! What may “appear” or “feel” not to be so simple is just how many times I have to do this until in every “now” moment there is nothing else I remember, nothing else I desire — nothing but “… the constant living with the recognition of the Presence of God in each and every moment” and “the One-mindedness of the Christ Mind, Whose Will is one with God’s.” (ACIM C-1.6:3)

The glorious freedom to “constantly live in the recognition of the Presence of God” and our Oneness is worth however many times it takes for me to achieve my goal until it is the effortless natural state of my Being in quiet stillness and in lively motion!

This “letter” then is not only to share the love, joy, peace and freedom of my “enlightenment and Self-realization” but to “thank you,” each One of you, for your “help” in my coming to this point of “Grace”!

I clearly know, understand and feel now that “… all things, events, encounters and circumstances are helpful” (M-4.I:A.4:5) because not only are they a chance to be God’s arms or hands or be compassionate or patient or gentle — whatever is Loving and eternal — with you, dear brothers and sisters in Christ, but I am so grateful for how that has truly helped me “find” my way Home — a “place” in actuality I never left, in spite of how it might “appear” through my earthly eyes and ears, rather then through Christ’s Vision, which reflects only Love, unity and strength… the “Real World.” 

It is my greatest hope that my attempt to express my reflective gratitude for the important and beautiful part you have had in my life will bring you joy and will make your heart smile in the recognition of your own truth!

May each of you recognize and believe that this thought, this “Love in motion,” comes from the depth of my heart to yours — I am You, You are Me, We are One — all equal members of the one Family of God! Be filled with wonder! Be touched by peace! With only Love and heartfelt gratitude to all! As One eternally, a loving sister in Christ.

Rev. Sue Hannon, OMC is a Pathways of Light minister living in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

© 2010, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice and website address are included.

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