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Raising Children with ACIM

by Rev. Myron Jones

The following is an excerpt from Myron’s pending book about applying the principles of A Course in Miracles to parenting. She has been studying A Course in Miracles for 25 years and has had extensive experience applying Course principles in parenting her children. Her children have encouraged her to write a book so that others can benefit as they have. Myron will also be facilitating a workshop on enlightened parenting September 15-16 at Pathways of Light.

Raising my children has been quite a learning experience for me as I am sure it is for everyone. I have four children; my oldest son is Scott and he is 38, my daughter Sheryl is 36. Seven years later I had Susan and then seven years after that, I had Toby. So in a sense, I have had three chances to raise a child. It feels like I was a different person each of those times, and the choices I made reflect that difference. When Susan was around four or five, I began studying A Course in Miracles, and by the time I got to Toby, I had been doing the Course for awhile, so they benefited from that, Toby more than Susan.

I used to think that I was a horrible mom for my first two kids and a better mom for the other two. Now I understand that I was neither a good nor a bad mom. I was simply playing my part in their life script just as I was supposed to. Our life together is a mutual forgiveness process. When Scott and Sheryl were young I had certain life lessons and their life lessons fit well with mine; that is why we were together. By the time Susan and then Toby came along, those lessons had changed somewhat, and I had new tools to work with. I have withdrawn my judgments of my parenting and am left with only the lessons and the benefits gained from them.

I had never considered writing down anything I learned in the course of being a parent, but Toby asked me to write a book that he could use in raising his own children. That is how I came to do this. Now all my children are grown, but I am still learning to be a parent. I spent years learning how to be a parent to children, and now I have to learn to be a parent to adults. It is in many ways very different. What stays the same is that we are still learning and teaching and being saviors to each other.

Very recently Toby called me from school to tell me he is really overwhelmed with projects, his internship, and sending out resumes. He had little sleep and was starting to get sick. The mom in me wanted to soothe him and hug him. I wanted to tell him to put it all aside and get some sleep. I yearned to be there to do something to help, though I can’t imagine what it would be. I felt helpless with him in another city. After I had hung up the phone, I noticed how stressed I felt, and asked the Holy Spirit to give me a different way to see this. I asked Him how I could be most helpful in this moment.

What I received from the Holy Spirit is that I would not help Toby by agreeing with his assessment of himself as overwhelmed, overworked, and unable to cope. He reminded me that this is not a true picture of Toby. I sat down at the computer and sent him an email telling him that he had all the energy he needed to complete his tasks. I reminded him that his energy level was not a function of his body but his mind. I told him that I would know the truth for him while he was temporarily unable to keep that focus. This was the most loving thing I could do for my son in this situation, and I did not need to be with him to do it. It is hard to keep in mind the truth that space and time are part of our story, but are not the truth.

Another thing that remains the same is that my response to my child is going to be based on a solid understanding of what is important. In A Course in Miracles, Jesus tells us that in any situation the first question should be, “What is it for?” What is the goal of raising children? It is in deciding on that goal that I am able to establish a standard. Will what I say or do in this situation bring me closer to the accomplishment of this goal? For instance, my only goal in raising a child will be that I will teach this child that he is God’s Son, pure love, whole and complete. From that point on, each statement I make to this child will be measured against that standard. My grandchild is fascinated by the DVD player and the fact that she can push a button and something pops out. I know that it is only a matter of time before she discovers she can put other things in the player with interesting results.

I need her to stop this behavior before there are serious consequences, but I have not forgotten my overall goal. If I express anger and raise my voice or slap her hand when she touches the DVD player, I may be able to stop that behavior, but what will I be teaching her? If I respond in this way, I will be teaching her that she is bad and deserves to be punished. This does not meet my standard. I would have to examine my own fears to see what prompted this response.

It might take more time and effort on my part to find another way to teach this precious child to stay away from the DVD player, but it is possible. A different response might be to explain that it is important that she not touch this. I could consistently call her attention to that rule and emphasize that it is not allowed by moving her away, and by shaking my head while keeping a very serious expression on my face. I might put the player out of her reach if that were possible, at least until she was older, or put something in front of it if I could not convince her to stay away from it. There are other ways to deal with this problem. If I am certain of my goal, and I have the willingness to do what it takes to reach that goal, it will just be a matter of discovering the best solution.

It may seem like the explanation of why she is not allowed to touch the DVD player is inappropriate at such an early age. My granddaughter is not yet a year old. But I never underestimate the intelligence and understanding of a child regardless of their age. When Susan was a baby, all the books said she should stop drinking her bottle by age one or at least within the next six months. She really loved her bottle and I hated the idea of forcing her to give it up, but when she began approaching two years old, I knew I had to wean her. I sat down with Susan and explained that she was getting too old to take a bottle. I told her the reasons she needed to stop, but then I left it up to her. I am not sure she understood everything I said, but she understood enough to know that she was outgrowing her bottle and that she needed to decide if she wanted to stop drinking from it.

She thought about it for awhile and then gave it to me, but I could see the uncertainty in her little face. I allowed her to come with me to the cabinet under the sink where I showed her that I was putting her bottle away. I reminded her that this was her choice. She had a hard time giving up the bottle. Sometimes she would pull the cabinet door open and just look at her bottle. I began to worry that I should not have put so much pressure on her, and it was very painful for me to watch. I really thought about just saying, “Hear honey, take it back” because I just didn’t want my baby to suffer, but I resisted the temptation. I did not want to teach her that she couldn’t do this. Some of my uncertainty lay in knowing this strategy was not in the baby books and that I was going on gut instinct. Once while she was gazing longingly at her bottle, I asked if she wanted it back, but she said no, shut the door firmly and went away from it for the last time. She never looked for her bottle again.

If I had simply taken the bottle from her, I would successfully weaned her from it, but I would also have taught her about loss and that she was helpless to combat it. Loss is part of life in the illusion, but a feeling of helplessness is something we have to learn. By talking to her and allowing her to be part of the decision making process, and then by letting her know that the power to choose was still hers, I helped her to learn that she was strong and capable. She is still strong and capable and a good decision maker.

If she had chosen not to stop drinking from her bottle, I would have waited a week or two and given her the option again. I would have repeated this several times to allow her to get used to the idea. If necessary, I would have changed the options, perhaps telling her that she would get only one bottle a day now that she was older and allowing her to decide when she wanted that bottle, and then later giving her the option of choosing the type of cup she wanted to use now that she was too old for a bottle.

As a mother I might have gotten confused about what my goal was. I might have thought that my goal was to wean her by a certain age. Weaning her was just something I had to do. It was not my real goal. I could use this task to get something in the illusion done, or I could ask myself, “What is this for?” The answer would be that it is for teaching Susan who she is. From that perspective, it is clear that the timing was of little importance. What mattered was that Susan made a difficult decision and then stuck to it. She discovered that she was strong and able, and she discovered this before she was two years old.

The question, “What is it for?” is very important when raising children, or when dealing with grown children. It is important to me in my every day life. Any time I am uncertain as to what to do or say, I ask myself this question. The answer is always a variation on the one answer. No matter what it looks like, what form it takes, the answer is going to be that it is for the awakening. It is to help remember who I am. It is to help change my mind and allow the Holy Spirit to show me a different way of seeing something. It is to choose the Holy Spirit as my Teacher rather than the ego. All of these help me to return my mind to the awareness of God, to remember that I am God’s Son, pure love, whole and complete.

On September 15 and 16, I am going to conduct a workshop on enlightened parenting at Pathways of Light. The Manual for Teachers tells us: Each teaching-learning situation involves a different relationship at the beginning, although the ultimate goal is always the same; to make of the relationship a holy relationship in which both can look upon the Son of God as sinless.

In this workshop we will use processes and interactive sharing to join for the purpose of developing holy relationships with our children, both young and adult. If you have children of your own or if you work with other people’s children, I invite you to join with us at Pathways as together we explore new ways of being with the children in your life.

Rev. Myron Jones is a Pathways of Light minister living in St. Charles, Louisiana. Read more of her inspiring Healing Journal articles on the Pathways of Light web site. Web site: http://www.forgivenessistheway.org

© 2007, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice and website address are included.

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To Be a Minister

by Rev. Veronika Wilcox

I have a friend who is a minister of the church I belonged to during my childhood. She has been trained to hold services, baptize, counsel and do all the usual things ministers traditionally do. Today I realized yet again that I was a minister without church or congregation or a set plan for what I was supposed to be doing.

After I had been ordained, I was full of plans about what this ministry of mine would look like. After all there were plenty of courses I had been studying which I now could facilitate. Also, I could advertise them and work with them here locally. Then there was the Accessing Inner Wisdom Counselling. Well, one by one fell by the wayside for one reason or other. Instead, my ministry developed through my web site. Yet this morning I had to ask myself again what this was all about. I had just reread again in ACIM that a healed mind does not plan. I was really trying to practise this for a day and felt that I was floating. I am so used to planning and living my life this way, that floating didn’t feel right.

This morning’s lesson (94) brought the answer. I am to say every hour and focus on it for five minutes as well: “I am as God created me. I am His Son eternally.” Jesus says that this is “the one idea which brings complete salvation.” I could for a change not plan anything of my own but go by his suggestion and ask nothing of myself today than to follow his instructions. I can see now that the ministry is not about saving others but only myself! Amen.

Rev. Veronika Wilcox is a Pathways of Light minister living in Bega Valley, Australia.

© 2007, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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How to Consistently Choose God’s Peace

Rev. Derek Dube

…Or in clearer terms: Be diligent with the thought process! It’s ok to deny the thoughts that come to us that do not have our best interest in mind. Thoughts come to us every minute of every day. We need to remember that these thoughts are not ours. These thoughts are not who we are! The peace leaves us not because of the thoughts. The peace leaves due to the power we give the thoughts; the belief we have in the thought.

This denial that I am speaking of is the proper use of denial, meaning any thought or idea that does not have my highest interest in mind does not serve my healing and should be denied or let go of or turned over to the Holy Spirit for transformation.

I am actively and willingly practicing this in my life. A wonderful quote in the Manual for Teachers says, “To give up all problems for one answer is to reverse the thinking of the world entirely.” This truly means, ‘turning it over.’ “Changes are required in the minds of God’s teachers” is really something that we all need to be more aware of.

Awareness is a great first step in the healing of our minds. I am making awareness a definite practice in my everyday life. I ask Holy Spirit throughout the day for more awareness of my thoughts, my actions and my beliefs. I ask Holy Spirit to help me slow down and be an ‘observer’ to this ‘life’ I seem to be experiencing. In so doing, Spirit allows me to ‘see’ what is going on in my mind periodically throughout the day. This in turn allows gratitude to enter into my awareness for the “little” things that I did not realize were going on that keep me safe, remind me of my innocence and help me remember Who I truly am! 

In the workshop, How To Consistently Choose God’s Peace, you will experience meditations that will help you connect with Spirit and let you see how to ‘slow time down’ and be the observer of your ‘life experience.’ You will also be able to participate in experiential processes with other participants in the class that will help you see that you and your brother are one with all that is! We will be looking closely at some select quotes from A Course in Miracles that will help you identify areas in your life that you can begin looking at that will bring forgiveness, joy, peace and true happiness into your daily experience. I look forward to sharing a weekend filled with oneness and healing with you as we become teacher and student to each other and see the truth that we are one in God’s eye!

“Decide for God, and everything is given you at no cost at all.”

Rev. Derek Dube is a Pathways of Light minister living in Sussex, Wisconsin.

© 2007, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice and website address are included.

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Sweet Surrender

Rev. Cheryl Hubbard

In February I attended the 2007 ACIM Conference in San Francisco. It was titled “An Opportunity to Gladden Yourself.” And wow am I glad that I made the decision to go! Rather I should say that “we” made the decision to go. I had been struggling for months with taking a new direction in my life. And it was not a small struggle. It was a huge one.

There was a battle raging in me and I felt helpless and hopeless a great deal of the time. I had decided to complete the Ordained Ministerial Counselor Training with Pathways. It was something that I began in 2000. In the spring of 2001 I was within a few weeks of traveling to Kiel for my Step 4 courses. But something stopped me. Apparently I was not yet ready.

The battle that was raging inside of me was the desire to quit my job of more than twenty-seven years. This was an idea that I’d had for a couple of years but was so attached to the money, the benefits and the vacation that I kept clinging to it, all the while despising it more and more. When I started studying again with Pathways the struggle within intensified. When I learned of the conference, that started another struggle in me and I waited until the last minute to register.

I knew that I needed to leave my job, but I was terrified. April of this year marks my twentieth anniversary with A Course in Miracles and I had a suspicion that the Course and my internal battles were very closely connected. The Holy Spirit had quietly been waiting for me to listen. The ego had been causing all the so-called ‘battles’ because it knew that I had been listening to Spirit, at least a little. I knew I was getting back on my path.
Five days before the conference I typed my resignation from my job. I was overwhelmed with fear, anxiety and dread. I really did not yet understand that I was not making these decisions alone. I thought about handing in my resignation when I returned from San Francisco. I was stalling. And suddenly I saw very plainly what I had been doing. I had been listening to the Holy Spirit a little and the ego a lot! I was attempting to plan the future, be in control and know all the facts ahead of time. I was clearly insane. And I knew it. It took me a few days to digest this. Two days before the conference I handed in my resignation and felt a great weight lift off my shoulders. All the fear, anxiety and dread of the last several months simply disappeared. I knew that I had surrendered. And it felt wonderful.

The conference was awesome. The speakers were wonderful. And I was with nearly 500 people who spoke ‘my language.’ It was one of the best experiences of my life. I was so motivated when I left I didn’t really need an airplane to fly home. I could have done it with my own newly sprouted wings. And every day since then I have experienced miracles. The most amazing things have begun to happen. And it’s all because I finally made the decision to listen to that all knowing Voice inside of me! I have no idea where this Voice will lead me but I trust It with all my heart.

Rev. Cheryl Hubbard is a Pathways of Light minister living in Reno, Nevada.

© 2007, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice and website address are included.

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