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The Journey Home

by Rev. Anita Ottley, O.M.C.

From a very early age, I spent a great deal of time “living” in my own mind. What I would perceive as the “horrors” of my childhood left me feeling very alone and most of my time in fear of something. It was at the age of about 12 that I remember thinking to myself while I was alone in my bedroom that no god would ever allow the things to happen to a child that I had endured. It was at that moment that I consciously separated from God. It was also at that moment when I felt like I had no home anywhere in the world.

Life went on and I somehow survived my growing up years to the point where I moved into my first apartment at the age of 17. But with the freedom of independent living came many ego illusions of who I thought I had to be to survive in the world. I had made several botched attempts at suicide and then hit the road of workaholic behavior, alcoholism, drug abuse and detached sex. This road continued until a near fatal accident in 1980 woke me up. I didn’t realize it then, but everything had come into play perfectly for my waking up.

I voluntarily found a great therapist who introduced me to the book, When I say No, I Feel Guilty and I found my first tool to release myself from guilt tapes that the ego played very loudly in my head. But that felt like the very first step and there was much farther for me to go. Over the years, I became a student of life or, more importantly, Spirit. Even as a young adult, I desperately wanted to learn as much as I could about love. So the search continued until one day in 1982, while listening to an audiotape by Wayne Dyer, I heard him mention the book, A Course in Miracles. This began the journey home for me.

I began reading everything I could find on ACIM. It was if someone opened the blinds on my bedroom windows to let the light in. I became a student of ACIM and began my journey to understand what it meant to love those around the best I could. I worked with an excellent therapist for 20 years who helped me oust all the ego illusions of my self-imposed demons. I was able to quit smoking, drinking, abusing drugs and indulging in meaningless sex.

I know one of my catalysts for growth was becoming involved with a wonderful partner who had a child. At the time, I didn’t think I wanted any children and more importantly, I was afraid of what a terrible parent I would be. But Holy Spirit, once again, aligned me with the perfect circumstances for my perfect continued growth.

As life unfolded, I found myself loving this young child with such depth that I wanted to be a better person. I faced my inadequacies and formed a strong bond with my daughter. I now have a granddaughter, son in law and the love continues to grow. The secret was that all I had to do was love her. All those “things” I thought I had to do were projections in my head.

It would appear that over the course of my lifetime, I feel that I have lived several segmented lifetimes. Those past horrors no longer feel like horrors, only lessons that strengthened me along the way. And all those years that I was ego driven to do destructive things to myself only brought me depression and suffering. Once I aligned myself back with Holy Spirit, everything began to turn around.

In closing, I would like to share how the latest choices in my life to honor Holy Spirit’s guidance have continued to take me to the next step. In May of 2005, I graduated from Pathways of Light ministerial program and became an ordained minister. If ever I felt anything was right for me, it has been this journey with Pathways of Light. From the moment I contacted them and began the courses to meeting my fabulous life and love honoring teacher, Ruby, to the very moment my car pulled onto the property, it has all been a journey about love.

For those who have never experienced being at Pathways, try to imagine a Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner with your family, where the only thing being served is unconditional love. No one is fighting, no one needs to be right, everyone sees the light in you and everyone is a reflection of your own light back to you. I felt as though I had spent many years in the cold and the love that was freely given and expressed at Pathways was a warm comforter that enveloped me. Holy Spirit lives there, as He lives everywhere, but His presence is acknowledged and honored at Pathways.

So to Rev. Deb, Rev. Paul, Rev. Happy Woman, Rev. Ruby, Rev. Myron, Rev. Bumpity Bob, Rev. Kathy, Rev. Robert M, Rev. Linda L, Rev. Linda W, Rev. Donna-Marie, Rev. Betty, Rev. Cheryl, Rev. Loretta and of course, Revs. Robert and Mary Stoelting, thank you for having been a part of my experience at Pathways, for following Holy Spirit’s guidance and just being pure love. I may live a long distance away from you all in miles, but we are never apart. My home is anywhere I am because I am never alone, God is always with me. Here’s to the ONE of us!

Rev. Anita Ottley is a Pathways of Light minister who lives in Newark, New York.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice and website address are included.

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Share Your Gift!

by Rev. Christine Anderson, O.M.C.

The following message came to me. I would like to share it with you because we are one and have the same purpose.

You have a gift to give. Your gift is an important part of the awakening of the Sonship. All My extensions have a gift to give. They may appear to be different in form and yet they are all the same in essence. The greatest gift comes from a peaceful mind and a happy heart — a mind that, with the help of the Holy Spirit, has no conditions on peace, no conditions on happiness. Do not make an assessment as to what you think you have learned in this world to determine your gift. Your gift is being the Love that you are in a way that makes your heart sing.

Many times your gift looks like something you’ve always wanted to do. It has whispered softly to you throughout your life from a deep place in your heart. Many times in disbelief you have said, “That couldn’t be for me to do!” and by doing this you have discounted your own gift, judged yourself unworthy or not skilled enough. Who do you think put the idea in your heart? It was Me. I put it there because I know you. I know you are My Light. And in the Light that you are, there is great willingness. You have the idea and everything you need to bring forth your gift. You do not do this alone, for I am with you. I will help you to bring your beautiful gift in a way that will be perfect. Open to me. I do the work. You need do nothing.

Think of yourself as a keyboard. I play upon the keys of your peace, your patience, your joy and the Love that you are — beautiful, harmonic notes of a universal chorus. Your heart song moves out on the sea of oneness with gentle calming ripples and sends a message of encouragement and invitation to all. Come share your gift! Let go of all doubt and fear, for this would only get in the way of being aware of My Presence, and your joy of experiencing My working through you. I want to use you My child. You are My instrument. Let Me play you. Let Me sing you. Let Me dance you Home.

Rev. Christine Anderson is a Pathways of Light minister who lives in Chicago, Illinois.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Forgiveness — It’s More Than I Thought

by Rev. Robert Mills, O.M.C.

Last night while resting from a busy day of being lead by Spirit, I was tired, sore, open and willing. I had done quite a bit of physical labor moving trees that had blown down on the farm that were in the path of gardens and buildings. Earlier that morning I had stated and written down what I wanted to become of this day: Rebirth of my true Self, full presence in my being of the One Christ Mind — one with all; peace, serenity, acceptance and playfulness; forgiveness of the past thoughts that are not true; shining with Love. The world is bright with Love.

After meditation I proceeded to make a list of things that needed my attention. The list grew and felt complete for the day. As I approached each project with an open mind to Spirit, I consistently discovered areas that “bumped” out and were untrue to my true Self. Applying forgiveness to these errant thoughts gave me a peaceful perspective most naturally and with no effort. I saw the value of doing one thing at a time completely with total service in each thought and resulting action. Without effort I was observing the rebirth of my true Self. The list was whittled down to the remaining outside work with ease (Peace, Serenity, Acceptance and Playfulness).

Taking a mental break, I went outside with an open mind to Spirit. I got the equipment gathered — tractor, chains, ropes. All was done step-by-step, with meaningless thoughts bumping through, to which I applied forgiveness and peace was extended. I felt guided where to place the chain on the limb, when to lift the tractor bucket, what speed to drive the tractor, what force to apply to each tree or large limb. I made no decisions on my own. All trees were moved and stacked in the cutting pile as smooth as silk. I took breaks with water and love was shining in the world (the temp was 90). Each thought and action was guided by Spirit. In rechecking my day as I had intended it to become, I found it exactly as I had requested. Spirit guided and I allowed it to happen.

As I approached the mowing chore Spirit said, “Go to town.” I had not planned this. I guess I had one errand to run so I could do it now. I went with guidance and got groceries, went to the post office and farm store for a tool. I took many deep breaths and stepped back to see with my inner vision. I saw peace in faces I would normally pass by. People shared water with me out of kindness in the hot day. The day was reborn; I was refreshed.

As I arrived back at the farm I got the lawn mower tractor ready — checked the oil, coolant and blades. This is an old tractor that is a dream, requiring TLC or it will turn into a nightmare. I know this is true in all happy dreams — tender-loving-care. I mowed various green sections of the farm property and saw the Zen garden coming out of the path that I was traveling with the mower. The mower was the rake in the simple Zen garden. After a few hours the mowing and trimming were done. A beauty and order not seen to be outstanding, but felt from within to be in order with God. Love was shining.

After a late night supper I rechecked my list. I had things not completed that could be moved to tomorrow but one stuck out. Clarify direction of my ministry. This “to do” I have been hovering around for the last six months. Each time I went to this part of my life ( where I was truly baffled), I was distinctively guided to do the work in front of me and more will be revealed. In my meditations I saw how this was an unfolding of remembrances, not a placing of new concepts to apply to fix the old. I truly felt connected to my own Inner Wisdom. I was not in charge of direction. I surrendered control to the Love within me, Holy Spirit. I have done this often over many years and know it works in mystical ways. But to be honest I sometimes feel if I ever shared this with business associates and relatives that it would seem to them to be irresponsible, wimpy, copping out, no guts and maybe just nuts. Ego rides again.

Now after many years of surrendering again and again and yet again, I feel it’s part of me, part of my healing my mind with the Source of Love within me. I now believe it is the most responsible thing to do, not to preach, but to do. The result is the gentle awakening to the great simple truth — God Is. No words or symbols can define this.

Here I am, seeking direction for my ministry and I have clues but no “plan” to make it happen. With Spirit I decided to take it to “J.” First off I prefer the letter “J” as spoken by others. I found I had a Jesus in my mind that was not real. I had absorbed the prescribed notion that Jesus was up there, beyond me, probably ashamed of me, and I would have to be dead to maybe meet his ghostness.

Well, after opening my mind and leaving judgment behind, I discovered the barriers I imposed on my own Essence, and “J” was the one lovingly helping me as my brother, Son of God. Closer than my breath, always giving all to all. Simple and true.

Having developing trust in full bloom, I proceeded to hand it over to “J.” In this work I have come to realize expectations can be a subtle form of my agenda getting in the way. Without realizing it, I had expectations of a great master plan and revelation laying out my ministry. Well, when I handed it over to “J,” I got nothing, zip, nada. I felt loved and cared for but got no response, just a blank. I said, “Great, it will come later.” As I ended my day, I thanked Holy Spirit for the guidance and support in healing my mind. I added that again I hand over my direction for my ministry to “J.” I added that I do want it clear and unmistakable — thank you.

I awoke to Brenda’s alarm clock of nature sounds and frogs croaking. I was aware of one clear thought throughout the night in all it’s fullness — FORGIVENESS. My ministry is all about forgiveness. One word, loud and clear, wall to wall in my mind. This one word helped me remember why we are here: To heal our minds with Spirit leading the way. What we are to do here: Allow Holy Spirit to show us our One Self and play our part in the great awakening of the truth and, finding peace and joy in our hearts, extend it to the rest of our One Self.

With this in mind I truly see what is to become of my ministry. I see that the way will be provided in my own gentle awakening together with you.

Rev. Robert Mills is a Pathways of Light minister who lives in Burt, Iowa.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Guidance Challenged

by Rev. Jennifer McSween, O.M.C.

There was a time when I was certain that I was among that special group of people (which I was equally certain existed), who did not have access to Inner Guidance. I remember matter-of-factly sharing this “key piece of personal information” with my facilitator when I began studying Pathways of Light’s ministerial training program.

I don’t recall his exact response at the time. I know he did not directly challenge this belief. I believe though, it may have opened the door to a discussion of the Course’s concept of “specialness,” and I came to actually laugh at that “silly idea” of mine… much later.

Though I no longer question my accessibility to Inner Guidance, at times I feel somewhat “Guidance challenged,” questioning whether what I’m receiving is true Guidance or just my own ego’s planning. I question being attached to the timing and/or manner in which guidance should show up. At times, I even wonder whether I’m getting Guidance at all.

It recently came into my awareness that having this attitude towards receiving Guidance might not be conducive to a state of mind that is receptive to Inner Guidance. So I decided to ask for guidance on receiving guidance. Why not? After all, all we need do is ask, right?

So I began to practice asking, deliberately listening and letting go of expectations, just staying open to whatever I heard without judgment. As I learned to quiet my mind and just listen, this reassuring message with clear guidelines for Guidance came into my mind:

”My Beloved, I have promised that if you call I will answer.” That promise is eternal. My voice speaks to you through every person, event or circumstance, regardless of how they may appear. I am always answering your calls. I am always guiding you ,expressing through you.

You are always loved. You are always surrounded by Love, because Love is what you are. Love is all there is and Love is what I am. You are never alone nor abandoned. You can’t be. You are forever a part of me. How you let me lead you is by choosing to remember my promise, accepting it as Truth, and letting it be the foundation on which you stand, the arena within which you operate. There is not one call which I have not answered. I have not missed one opportunity to remind you of the Oneness that we share.

As you dwell on these thoughts, your mind enters into a state of Peace. When you are in a peaceful state of mind you will see and hear my answer instead of obstacles to my answer. Do not look for proof of my answer in the form of changes to your ‘outside’ circumstances. Do not ask for changes in your ’outside’ circumstances, for what you perceive as ‘outside’ is only a reflection of your state of mind. Ask rather to be at peace; to experience peace, regardless of how the circumstances may appear. Let peace be your only desire. Let peace be your only option and that is what you will see, hear, reflect and experience. Put my promise to the test. Accept it as Fact. Peace has already been given you. I will always answer you. I already have. Be at peace my Beloved.”

This is the form of guidance I at times seem to desperately seek, but can only receive when I get quiet and tune into peace.

Rev. Jennifer McSween is a Pathways of Light minister who lives in Nuns Island, Quebec, Canada

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice and website address are included.

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