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September-December, 2025

Handling Egoic Thoughts

by Rev. Tacey Reese, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

Recently I was working with a client in my counseling practice who had realized how much she craves the approval of others, and also how she had so many expectations regarding how others should treat her. She had been journaling to two questions I had given her. The questions were these: Does the approval of others affect my own decisions? What expectation do I have of those close to me? These are very interesting questions to contemplate for all of us.

I remember taking some type of Rational Emotive Therapy questionnaire in college, designed to help you identify your core mistaken beliefs that were driving you unconsciously and causing you unhappiness on various levels. I was surprised at first to discover that one of mine was that I must have everyone’s approval all the time.

How could that be? I did my best to be a maverick, a rule breaker, a non-conformist! I would have said I didn’t care what anyone thought. But I did. I liked being the BEST maverick and rule breaker, the smartest, the one who got a lot of attention for it actually.

But just becoming aware of this mistaken belief was not enough. I still didn’t know how to let go of it. Then I learned about internal versus external locus of control and that was very helpful. An internal locus of control means that I make my own decisions. An external locus of control means I base my decisions on someone or something outside of me. I was already studying A Course in Miracles so the internal locus of control made sense to me both psychologically and spiritually. It was still a double-edged sword, though, because the ego could and did often take over the internal locus of control! Very tricky, the egoic mind.

Now, after decades of studying and practicing the principles of A Course in Miracles, it’s so much easier to step back and allow my True Self to take the lead, unconcerned about others’ reactions or lack thereof.

These days, I have one goal and it’s certainly not the approval of others or changing others to fit what I think I need from them. My one goal is the peace of God and the practice that leads to this goal is simply forgiveness. In truth, this is not a goal anymore, it’s simply What Is. As I consistently forgive, the experience of the peace of God is consistent.

When I do not feel peaceful, I know there’s something unforgiven in my mind and I can be glad about this because it’s simply showing me where more mind healing is needed. It’s actually a reason for celebration!

When I’m upset, I now have the opportunity to ask Spirit to correct my perception, to learn to forgive on a deeper level. It’s a very simple process, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

In the beginning, you have to watch your thoughts and emotions carefully so you can catch all the times you are in the ego mind, which is 99% of the time! I think a lot of people give up because it can feel discouraging to realize you’re almost always in the ego mind. What helped me was to finally realize I wasn’t being asked to stay out of the ego mind. All I was being asked to do was to forgive myself whenever I found myself there. This is what brings us peace.

There’s a sentence in the Course that has helped me stay focused on my one task (forgiveness) more consistently. “You need take thought for nothing, careless of everything except the only purpose that you would fulfill.” (T-20.IV.8:8)

The maverick in me likes the word ‘careless’ a lot! It helps me take life more lightheartedly. It tells me that I don’t need to be concerned about things that try to take my attention away from the peace of God. I’m allowed to focus only on that peace! How liberating! How joyous! Now I’m free from all the expectations I may have had for myself. It doesn’t mean I don’t attend to the tasks of daily life. It does mean I do not assign those tasks the importance of my one function. The tasks are usually just more opportunities to practice forgiveness.

Finally, this knowing that I need take thought for nothing except my only purpose, leaves me with no expectations for others either. I used to try to pull not only my clients but also my friends and family members, into their growth, into the highest and best I could see for them. This was exhausting on me and completely unhelpful for them. As I continue to let go of expectations for others and simply love them, my relationships are enriched and deepened, simple and fulfilling.

I am so grateful for the many ways practicing the principles of A Course in Miracles has transformed my mind and my life.

© 2025, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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