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Sept.-Dec., 2024

Old Shoes and the Ego

by Rev. Robin Singler, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

I helped my partner move his belongings into a storage unit recently, and after hours of walking on cement floors and being active, I noticed that my feet hurt. In particular, the side of my left heel was experiencing more pain than the other foot. The next day I noticed that my feet felt better and was grateful that the pain had subsided.

I went to take a walk outside and put on the same old pair of tennis shoes that I had used the day before to help my boyfriend. I soon noticed that my left heel began to hurt again and my mind began to question why. The first reaction I was aware of is that there must be something wrong with my foot. Rather than continue on my walk and tolerate the increasing pain, I stopped and removed my left shoe to inspect it. I found that the left shoe had a defect that was rubbing against my heel and causing the pain. This led me to draw the conclusion that there was nothing wrong with my foot: It was the worn out shoes that I have been hanging onto for some time.

I noticed that there was reluctance to throw away the shoes, as if it was a sacrifice of some kind, or as if they were my friends and I couldn’t let them go and get new ones that wouldn’t hurt my feet. But it is clear that no matter what I do to try to make these shoes work for me, they will not work. I cannot adjust or change them to prevent them from hurting my feet. I had already been using inserts to make them tolerable, so I was at the end of the line as far as methods of prolonging their demise. If I want to walk pain-free, I must let these old shoes go and buy new ones. No big deal, right? Then what was this little twinge of resistance in my mind?

As I noticed these thoughts, it was clear to me that there is a profound teaching here involving these old tennis shoes that need to be discarded. Having to accept that my old worn out shoes will no longer serve me is the same perspective that is required of me in order to let go of my judgments and expectations about the behavior or the appearance of others in the world. As part of the practice of being aware of my thoughts throughout the day, I’ve been noticing the temptation to expect the world to be a spiritual, loving, accepting, or otherwise elevated or enlightened place. There is a temptation to notice the errors of separation and judgment in myself or others and declare that it is not right that the world, the person, or the circumstance is not reflecting an enlightened perspective. Surely that person should know better by now, right? Aren’t we all supposed to be waking up? But wait a minute, why am I expecting the dream world of ego to be other than ego-like? Sounds a bit delusional, considering the dream I’m experiencing is 100% based on guilt and fear.

To expect worn out shoes or the worn out ego thought system to change or evolve so it can give me a more comfortable experience is not a reasonable expectation, and this expectation is being called up to be let go of. There are no safe havens in the world of form where the ego will not appear and assert itself, even in places of religious or spiritual study. I’ve noticed that along with my attachment to the old tennis shoes I have also been attached to certain figures in society and certain ways of living (for example, the belief that I need to be in nature to be peaceful and happy and that being happy in a city environment is not possible, or is difficult). All of these beliefs (expectations/judgements) have proven to be false.

Both the ego belief system and my pair of shoes need to be thrown away for something new that doesn’t hurt me, as they both are guaranteed to cause me pain if I keep using them. The dream world is built upon the foundation of the ego thought system, which is based in separation, guilt and projection. There is no possibility of changing the ego system into one of loving kindness that is in full agreement with God’s creation, which is unconditional, formless Love. There is also no possibility of fixing or changing my shoes to prevent my feet from hurting.

Jesus is asking me to forgive the world I thought I made by giving up my judgments, so I can realize that I am not of the world, but still as God created me along with all my brothers, who are one with me. I must remember and learn to accept that the world of form will not be waking up to Love. The dream is not getting better and will not evolve.

There is no one waking up but I, the sleeping Son of God, and there is no one else who needs to “get it.” The ego will always be what it is, a false idea based in deception, and there is no transforming this false idea into a true one. The ego will never be convinced of the Truth and does not know anything about Love or forgiveness. This means my expectations of the world are baseless and will only hurt me if I cling to them.

The forgiveness practice I am tasked with is done in the mind and, as the decision maker, I choose how to look upon the world of ego separation and guilt. If I make the error real by either condemning or idolizing anything or anyone in this world, I am choosing the ego as my teacher and advisor. However, if I accept that I can only turn to God and the Holy Spirit for the Truth, it is easy to discard an old pair of shoes or an old worn out ego system that only brings pain.

Through acceptance of all as it appears now, I no longer need to fix, change, or judge the world at all. Even the notion of worrying about people, places and things is transformed into the miracle of forgiveness as I simply accept that there is no transformation possible in the world. The happy dream Jesus promises is a forgiven dream, not a squeaky clean dream.

Only God’s creation of perfect formless Love is true, and all else is just a simple, innocent mistake that is calling for correction. The fact that I am One with God forever keeps me safe from all worldly appearances, so I can lay down my attacks and defenses.

It is no sacrifice to accept the truth and to let go of all of my false idols. I can truly love what I look upon and demand nothing of it if I merely accept the truth for myself. This allows me to discard the old shoes and smile at all of the appearances of conflict and pain in the world and in my life. Even the body can be seen as mere clothing that, once worn out and no longer useful, will be discarded without any concern or sense of loss. There is no need to judge what is false because the truth is true, and the ego thought system has no power to change the eternal creation of God, which I am joined with forever.

“We look past dreams today, and recognize that we need no defense because we are created unassailable, without all thought or wish or dream in which attack has any meaning. Now we cannot fear, for we have left all fearful thoughts behind. And in defenselessness we stand secure, serenely certain of our safety now, sure of salvation; sure we will fulfill our chosen purpose, as our ministry extends its holy blessing through the world.” (W-153.9:1-3)

I’m so grateful for my old pair of shoes and I look forward to getting a new pair that is comfortable and serves me well, just as I am enjoying the process of accepting the world as it is with Joy, knowing that we are all very safe in God’s mind, and that the ego dream has had no effects at all.

© 2024, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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