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July-September, 2013

The One About Anger

by Rev. Stephan Mead, O.M.C.

I opened the Course the other day and was drawn to the conditions necessary for anger to manifest; “Anger cannot occur unless you believe that you have been attacked, that your attack is justified in return, and that you are in no way responsible for it.” (T-6.Intro.1:3)

With curiosity, I contemplated how those words might be helpful to me. Lately my life seems to be pretty much anger free. (Hey, sometimes it happens — don’t be so surprised!) Because I really believed there was a message for me, I felt much opened to receive.

For 25+ years I have been active in a 12 step program. Every week, and sometimes it seems every day, I meet with people in this program. The recent complaints brought to me for discussion can be summed up like this; anger at my partner, anger at my boss, anger at my adult son, anger at a physical disease and anger at life in general. It sure didn’t take long for me to see that the teachers in my life currently seem consumed with anger.

The manner in which the stories were presented to me was remarkably similar. “I wasn’t doing anything wrong, and bad things started happening to me. I had to retaliate because I was wronged. Others need to realize they can’t treat me like they do. How can I make others change?” Inside, I smiled at their complaints. I have entertained every one of them many times. On the outside, I looked interested, attentive and sympathetic. The thought, “Someone/something outside of me made me angry,” is the barrier that will forever keep healing at bay.

Confusing my uninterrupted listening with support, my friends repeated their stories of “justified anger.” Like a closing courtroom statement, the evidence of justification was again presented. (Apparently they must have thought the fifth time telling the story would be the charm.) What was really going on here? How could I be helpful, if help was even being asked for? What should I say to them?

I noticed an interesting state of mind in myself. The feeling of being “separate” from them was strong, in the sense of, “I am looking at situations differently than you are.” But also the feeling of “connectedness” was present too. “I know exactly how you feel, because I have believed as you do.” Recalling that these people came to me, I asked, “Are you suffering because of the situation you think you are in?” To a person, after a brief pause, the answer was a form of “Well, I really wouldn’t call it suffering, it’s just that I am being treated unfairly and I need to make it stop.”

Trying not to laugh out loud, my guidance became perfectly clear. “Am I harboring any resentment? The Holy Spirit, the Voice of Reason, assured me I was. The judgment I was making regarding my friends was the judgment I was making on myself. Almost 27 years in a 12 step program, 10 years of studying the Course, an ordained minister and I can still meet the conditions for anger perfectly and not see it. I too can experience hell and deny it. Any resentment I hold is proof positive.

As it turned out, these friends of mine were not asking for any help at all, although they did “thank” me for help. Remember, all I did was listen and notice that at the end of the conversation they stated, “All is well, as long as others will change.” Now, “as it turned out” looked at differently, I was the one who was helped. Spirit showed me through friends, how blind I can be to Reality. Do I still believe that some anger/resentments are justified? (Yes.) Do I still believe I can be unfairly treated? (Yes.) Do I still believe I am in no way responsible for these thoughts? (Yes.) Am I willing to have my thoughts corrected and live in peace? (Hell yes!)

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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