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January-March, 2007

The Price of Being Right

by Rev. Mary Manke

We recently went to Menard’s and picked out a carpet remnant for the office.

My partner was tired and ready to leave, asking if there was anything else we needed to look at. I made a comment about kitchen flooring, which he again dismissed. He surmises that “I” want everything “new” in the house. So the ego mind flipped out. I abruptly walked away. My behavior made it plain that I was angry — but also there was “hurt” — Is that about my request being denied? Or that my judgment is solely wrong?

As I waited by the exit, I wondered what this was reflecting back to me? A belief that I never “get” what I want? Or the belief that I have to struggle or fight to get anything? The pain “I” experience is only from my thoughts.

“I am never upset for the reason I think. I am upset because I think I am in competition with God.” (When I am upset with my brother, I am in competition with God.)

The Course is teaching me that when I attack a brother, I am really attacking myself. (There is no ‘other’ out there.) When I attack myself, I’m really attacking God.

Yet, I am part of God. God does not attack Himself, so my belief is insane. I hold my insane thoughts so I can “be right” and stay in the world as I know it. And I continue to inflict more pain on myself. Don’t I know how to ask for help? Of course I do, but will I ask the correct One for help and healing? Am I willing to surrender my insanity? “My meaningless thoughts show me a meaningless world.”

I did not stop, ask for help and accept truth. That’s the real reason for my anger/upset. I wrote the script; I put those words into the actor’s mouth. And instead of forgiving the idea that I am lacking anything, I made the mistake of thinking this was real. Wanting to be right took precedent over being happy. I wrote that scene so I could have the opportunity to release the idea that I don’t have it all. The truth is I have been given everything; I am part of everything, everywhere, every instant. I am whole, complete, eternal.

Do I really want to continue the belief that I have nothing and am nothing? Do I really want to continue playing the innocent victim? The Course tells me over and over that the insanity will not last.

I will finally decide that I no longer want or need the pain. I will decide to wake from the silly dream, I will decide that I want truth above all else. My inner peace will be the witness that I have surrendered the insane ideas/thoughts. The inner peace will shine away the mistakes, bringing Light into every mind. And I am grateful that this is so.

© 2007, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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