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July-September, 2015

When the Stars Align

by Rev. Lisa Windsor, O.M.C.

I bought a picture years ago from a local artist. On a dark blue background was a sketch of a woman’s head facing to the sky. Her mouth was open and sparkling stars were pouring outward and upward. I was in denial back then, I didn’t realize I had lost my voice. I quickly decided that the picture was for a friend and gave it away. 

I was married for 11 years. During that time I played the role of the “good wife.” To me, the “good wife” kept quiet in order to keep the peace. She compromised her integrity out of devotion to her spouse. She suffered silently, so desperate to be “good.”

Two years ago, through a series of miracles and a courage that can only come from God, I left my marriage (with 4 young kids) and returned to my parent’s home. I laugh today, as I see this move as a glorious symbol of “Returning to my Father’s House.” I landed in a safe, nurturing environment where I could turn my attention inward to God. 

During my marriage, the ego convinced me that if I spoke my truth, I would be crucified. It constantly screeched and yelled for me to be silent. But when I was finally on my own, the Holy Spirit’s Voice was so much clearer and the Guidance that constantly arose was speak, speak, speak. It was messy! At times I yelled and screamed in order to stand up for myself. I confessed secrets and exposed shame and guilt that I had been carrying for years. I learned to allow every emotion and thought to arise and was constantly provided a safe arena to express and heal. 

Slowly, the fear dissolved and great joy and happiness started to speak through me. The picture of the woman was given back to me and it hangs on my wall in my room. The woman in the picture is me… I know that now!

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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