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January-March, 2012

Winning

by Rev. Georgeann Medved, O.M.C.

“For the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” James 1:20

I have never won an argument! Even though the person I am arguing with screams at me, “I give up, you win!” My deep emotions and my burdened heart tell me this is definitely not a victory. The person I have pitted myself against and I have not been drawn together. In fact, we have emotionally and spiritually been driven further apart. When disagreements erupt, the interaction between the parties involved is less than ideal.

One person yelling is not an argument. It is a tantrum. An argument arises when two or more people are trying to persuade the others they are right. Very seldom during an argument does anyone listen to the other person or persons or learn anything. Their minds are closed. Each person is trying to overpower the others with words and escalating volume. Rarely does anyone feel good in this situation, especially me. For me there are usually feelings of anger, frustration, resentment and stress. Any thoughts of God or spiritual freedom are not present.

However, I have learned through study of A Course in Miracles and the Bible that if I allow someone else to win a disagreement it is usually an experience that allows my relationship with that person to grow. When I allow someone else to win, I am surrendering to the premise that it is not a big deal to always be right. I know this is very difficult because our society is very competitive and we are taught that winning is the ultimate and we must always win.

When I let go and surrender to someone else, I find myself better able to listen because I am not trying to out yell and overpower the other person and persuade them I am right. I am not emotionally battering them.

Some key things I learned through study of A Course in Miracles and the Bible are that a quick tempered person acts very foolishly, a gentle answer turns away anger, a harsh word promotes anger, we should all learn to listen, be slow to speak and slow to anger.

I am thankful that God has given me the ability to let someone else win an argument. It is alright not to always be right and not to always win!

I don’t feel any less a person because I truly benefit spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I don’t have to win to be happy and that is truly a wonderful feeling.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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