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Gentle Healing Lesson 150, Manual for Teachers, Text.  6-12-19

LESSON 150
My mind holds only what I think with God.

(139) I will accept Atonement for myself.

(140) Only salvation can be said to cure.

There is only one way out of this virtual reality, and that is to know the Self. That is salvation and that is accepting the Atonement. I cannot do this for anyone else, only for myself. However, in doing it for myself, I affect all others through the one mind. I continue to remain open to the Self, the Holy Spirit that I am. In doing so, there is a change, subtle at the moment, but definitely a change occurring in my mind.

In doing this, it doesn’t matter what the circumstances in my life, something little, something insignificant, something that seems big and important. It’s all the same, and anyway, it is never about what it seems to be about. Each circumstance is only an image of a belief in the mind. If someone in my life seems to disapprove of me, that is just an image of the belief that I am not worthy and that sense of unworthiness is the effect of feeling separate from God.

If I accept the Atonement for the situation in which I seemed to have been dissed by a friend and recognize that there is nothing to forgive because nothing happened, I am accepting the Atonement for the belief that I could be other than God and someplace outside God. I accept the Atonement for both beliefs because they are the same belief. My Self has no belief in unworthiness, cannot imagine unworthiness. Accepting the Atonement is knowing that I am my Self and knowing nothing but worthiness.

One of the challenges of the body I made for this foray into the virtual reality of time and space is that I seemed to have programmed into it a tendency to gain weight. This tendency has created many opportunities for me to evolve spiritually as I learned to see the body differently and to recognize through the body issues my hidden desires such as to be a victim. It continues to be a teaching device.

One of the most upsetting things about the relationship I have developed with this body is that it seems at times to be in charge. Here is what that looks like. I seem to get a craving for something sweet and even though I tell myself I am not giving in to those cravings, I often do.

Then I am left feeling like I am weak and vulnerable to my body desires and that I can’t do anything about it. This feels frightening. If I cannot even control my sugar addiction how can I expect to succeed at anything else? It is an ego story that I must love because I tell it all the time. I tell it to others and I tell it to myself.

When I decided to act as if I am my Self even when I don’t feel like I know my Self, I ran up against this old story. So, I am watching TV and I decide I want something to eat, something sweet if I can find it in my house. I can’t, so I eat something salty. But it’s not satisfying, so then I find myself on my feet going back to the kitchen. I watch this behavior a couple of more times as it repeats itself. I place my awareness on it and on the thoughts that drive it. I look with interest and with curiosity.

I am aware that I can say no to feeding the ego appetites in all its forms. I am also aware that I don’t want to say no. After watching it a while, I realize that I no longer want to eat anything. I also notice that at first when this eating desire and fulfillment occurred, I felt like I was giving in to something out of my control and so I felt uneasy.

Later as I merely observed what I was choosing to do without concern about the choice, the uneasiness was gone. It was like watching someone else making choices. It was not someone else exactly. It was my ego construct. My excellent discovery is that this construct is still mine and I still make choices for it and I can choose from my higher Self if I want to.

I am not a victim and I am not out of control. I am controlling it all the time. It is just that sometimes I make the choice with my higher mind and sometimes my lower mind and thus sometimes I am satisfied with my choice and sometimes I regret it. Always, my choices have something to teach me if I care to learn.

Choosing to eat for some reason other than to nourish the body doesn’t seem like a big deal in the scheme of things, but within everything, there is an opportunity for salvation, an opportunity to accept the Atonement and to awaken more fully to my Self. This experiment with placing my awareness where I wanted it and doing so without judgment wasn’t really about whether or not to eat. It was the opportunity to come a step closer to knowing my Self as Awareness.

Manual for Teachers
Through the study of Manual for Teachers I have been given clarity about death. What I understand now (and this is something I feel to my core) is that Jesus meant what he said, there is no death. How can death exist if God does? It is not possible. God is Life, God is Love, and it is not possible that God could have an opposite. The belief in an opposite of God is the ego at its essence and the ego is not real. It is the belief in the ego that we are here to undo. I will not be distracted by the imagined effects that we think of as our world and our life. The truth lies just beneath that, and the truth is, death has never occurred.

Death is just another imagined attack. I have tried to protect myself against it. I have tried to out-maneuver it. I have projected blame onto innocent people and innocent circumstances. I imagined death and then blamed God as the cause. Then I defended God with all sorts of convoluted reasoning because the belief that God was attacking me was too painfully fearful to bear. I have been fighting an illusion, a mirage, a thought form. Nothing is there. I am the Son of God, I am eternal, and death is just another false idea borne of unfounded guilt.

Text
The Course talks about the Father and son, and of the Will of the Father and the Son as being the same, and it speaks of a perfect creation of a Perfect Creator. I think of it this way. The Father creates through extending Himself, so the Son is an extension of the Father. The Son, in His turn, creates through extending Himself so that His creation is an extension of Himself and a further extension of God. It is Perfection creating more Perfection, which creates more Perfection, without end.

Now I see myself dreaming I am outside of this perfection. I see myself using my power of creation to make imperfect things rather than creating perfectly. I have placed limits on creation through my decision to experience something else. I have forgotten how to return to the flow of Perfection and even that I want to do so.

But Perfection does not leave a question unanswered, so the Holy Spirit was placed in my mind. Its function is to wait patiently for the son to ask for His Father, then It answers with Love and Peace and Comfort and guides us out of the wilderness of our imagination. As we answer our holy function, the perfection of Creation continues without interruption.

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://dev.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Gentle Healing Lesson 149, Manual for Teachers, Text.  6-9-19

LESSON 149
My mind holds only what I think with God.

(137) When I am healed I am not healed alone.

(138) Heaven is the decision I must make.

This morning as I meditated, I began with a guided meditation in which I called on Spiritual help to discern my deepest desire and to ask for assistance in bringing that desire into manifestation. The desire that came to me is to think, act and speak from my highest Self, to do this as if I already remember my Self. I know this can happen because it does happen sometimes and it feels so right and so good when it does. I opened my heart and mind to this assistance and agreed to do whatever was needed on my part to bring it fully into manifestation.

After that, I sat in quiet as much as I could. When a thought came into my mind, I let it and I mostly chose not to follow it. When I noticed that I was caught up in a story again, I remembered that I had a choice as to where I would place my awareness and I brought it back to my silent presence and just enjoyed that until the next time I followed a thought to a story. I did this several times. This used to frustrate me but now I just think of it as good practice. Something I have noticed is that even when not meditating my mind can now be very quiet for periods of time.

I think when I am in the silence, I am closer to knowing what I think with God. It is confusing to the ego mind to think without words. Without words there are no concepts, no thinking as we are familiar with thinking. The mind doesn’t go into stories. Even when I am doing things, like writing words or talking to someone, there can be a silence in the mind, and that was an odd discovery.

I see that I can write and think about what I am writing or have random thoughts come into the mind while I write. Or I can write without the mind wandering, not thinking of anything else. At those times I am in the present moment and while I am focused on what I am doing and so thinking, it is not the same kind of thinking as is common in the mind. It is more like awareness than thinking. I am aware of what I am writing and my awareness is nowhere else.

This learning to consciously place my awareness where I want it is a form of healing, and it doesn’t just heal me, it heals the Sonship. Thus, as Jesus says, I am never healed alone. When I place my awareness within on the Presence that I am, that is healing as well and is healing the Sonship at the same time. I imagine others who are struggling with this challenge finding it just a little easier now because of my success, little as it is. I take heart that others are a little ahead of me and their success is helping mine. Then there are those ascended masters who are transmitting to me because I am open to receive and they are helping. We are not alone.

All of this requires that I make a decision. That is the most basic thing that I need to do. First, I make a decision that I want to awaken, then I make a decision to accept that I can and will awaken. I make a decision to do what is necessary in study and practice. I make a decision to accept all the help offered to me. This is how I return to Heaven even while I am still dreaming of separation and that I am in this body. Heaven is a decision I make.

Regina’s Tips
When I am healed I am not healed alone. In Chapter 1 of A Course in Miracles, Jesus says, “I have nothing that does not come from God. The difference between us now is that I have nothing else.” That is healing, having nothing but that which comes from God. I trust when I am healed, that healing helps others. However, my focus now must be on reaching that healed state, that permanence of “only what I think with God” and nothing else. This is my commitment to myself and everyone.

Heaven is the decision I must make. This decision is not made once, but repeatedly. It is made each day, and it is made throughout the day. Anything that reinforces this decision in me is helpful. Anything that weakens this decision in me needs to be looked at and questioned. A partial decision or a ‘sometimes’ decision is not a decision. Total unwavering commitment is the sign of true decision.

My Thoughts
What I enjoyed most in Regina’s tips is the emphasis on my decision being a minute to minute project. I absolutely agree with that. It is another reason I am so glad that I have learned to be vigilant for my thoughts. Catching these thoughts quickly makes it much easier to change my mind. I understand that a decision is not a decision if it has exceptions and if it wavers according to circumstances.

Manual for Teachers
14. HOW WILL THE WORLD END? P 5
5 The world will end in joy, because it is a place of sorrow. When joy has come, the purpose of the world has gone. The world will end in peace, because it is a place of war. When peace has come, what is the purpose of the world? The world will end in laughter, because it is a place of tears. Where there is laughter, who can longer weep? And only complete forgiveness brings all this to bless the world. In blessing it departs, for it will not end as it began. To turn hell into Heaven is the function of God’s teachers, for what they teach are lessons in which Heaven is reflected. And now sit down in true humility, and realize that all God would have you do you can do. Do not be arrogant and say you cannot learn His Own curriculum. His Word says otherwise. His Will be done. It cannot be otherwise. And be you thankful it is so.

Journal

“And only complete forgiveness brings all this to bless the world.”

“And now sit down in true humility, and realize that all God would have you do you can do. Do not be arrogant and say you cannot learn His Own curriculum.”

For the longest time, I read and studied the Course and I tried to practice what I studied. I could not imagine how I would ever undo the ego that seemed so strong in my mind. I didn’t even aim for that. I just tried to undo the ego thoughts that were predominant in my mind at the moment. That seemed like the most I could hope for.

Actually, that was a better plan than I realized at the time. I still do that. I deal with whatever is in front of me. The thing that changed is that I began to succeed and with each success my trust in what Jesus wrote her and my ability to do what is asked of me increased. I never thought I would say this but now I can honestly say that I am grateful for the challenges because I know that each one met will bring me closer to ending the world. I also realize that what I thought was humility when I used to think I could not be that teacher of God he talked about was really arrogance. How could I not be what God wills that I be?

Text
I understand that peace is the condition of the Kingdom. As the Course tells us, if we want the Kingdom we must give up conflict for all time. There is no compromise in this. Since peace is the condition of the Kingdom, we cannot bring conflict into the Kingdom. Therefore if conflict is in the mind, we cannot be in the Kingdom. It makes perfect sense when I think of it like this.

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://dev.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Gentle Healing Lesson 148, Manual for Teachers, Text.  6-8-19

LESSON 148
My mind holds only what I think with God.

(135) If I defend myself I am attacked.

(136) Sickness is a defense against the truth.

One day I was spending time with my family. Two things happened that were part of my lesson for the day. I was watching my older daughter cooking and she was trying to get cornbread out of the muffin pan and was having trouble. I knew a better way to do it and told her to let me do it for her. She just said, “Mom.”

In that one expressive word she was saying “let me do it myself” and “really, I’m 48 years old. I think I can do this without help.” Haha. I backed off remembering how often I tried to do things for my kids when it would have been better to let them learn from their efforts. Probably there was a time when I would have been hurt or embarrassed by her reaction, but this time I just smiled. I did not feel any desire to defend myself. A lot has changed for me over the last few years.

On the other hand, my son said something that felt unkind and disrespectful and I worried over that for most of the day, turning it over in my mind and wondering what it meant about our relationship. Finally, I released it to the Holy Spirit to be reinterpreted for me. Probably it didn’t mean anything, just his weird sense of humor.

But no matter what it meant, it was a problem for me only if I defended myself from it. When I do that, it feels frightening because there is really nothing to defend against and no way to defend myself against nothing that feels like something. In defending myself, even just in my mind, I was attacking my peace. In retrospect I realize that I am never upset for the reason I think and so it was doubly ridiculous for me to defend myself. I am not completely free of the belief I need to defend myself but I am free of the belief that it is a good idea.

Another useless form of defense is sickness. It is a deliberate attempt at self-deception. When I am sick it is because I want to be. I use it to hide from the truth of what I am. If I am sick, my first question to myself is why did I do this? The answer is always the same; I did this so that I could go on pretending that I don’t know who I am. That is how I heal myself and the healing proceeds according to my desire to lay my defenses aside and accept the truth.

Regina’s Tips
My mind holds only what I think with God.

I have noticed since beginning this review that something is shifting in me. There is greater confidence than there was before in the efficiency of the direct path and in my desire and ability to remain focused on it. I feel as if I am learning now to “claim again” my inheritance.

My Thoughts
I feel the same way as Regina. I feel like this is happening for me as the result of this gentle healing process as well as a focus on meditating on accepting who I am. I am also receiving transmissions from my beloved brother, Jesus and this is helping as well. Add that to the work I do daily with students and some very helpful work I do with some Pathways of Light courses and it is all working together to help me wake up. And I feel the difference.

Manual for Teachers
14. HOW WILL THE WORLD END? P 4
4 The world will end when its thought system has been completely reversed. Until then, bits and pieces of its thinking will still seem sensible. The final lesson, which brings the ending of the world, cannot be grasped by those not yet prepared to leave the world and go beyond its tiny reach. What, then, is the function of the teacher of God in this concluding lesson? He need merely learn how to approach it; to be willing to go in its direction. He need merely trust that, if God’s Voice tells him it is a lesson he can learn, he can learn it. He does not judge it either as hard or easy. His Teacher points to it, and he trusts that He will show him how to learn it.

Journal
“What, then, is the function of the teacher of God in this concluding lesson? He need merely learn how to approach it; to be willing to go in its direction.”

This is how I approach each new lesson. I talk to Jesus about it, how I feel, my uncertainty, whatever is coming up in my mind about a current lesson. Then I tell him that I have no idea how to do this but that I trust that I will be guided. I had this opportunity recently when I was feeling annoyance with someone and seemed unable to let it go.

I turned to my Teacher in trust that it would be done because I want peace more than I want my way. He directed me to love the person and the situation as I have been taught to love all things. I didn’t know how to do that, but I knew I could because He said I could. My trust opened me to the miracle of a changed mind.

Text
III. Littleness versus Magnitude, P 1
1 Be not content with littleness. But be sure you understand what littleness is, and why you could never be content with it. Littleness is the offering you give yourself. You offer this in place of magnitude, and you accept it. Everything in this world is little because it is a world made out of littleness, in the strange belief that littleness can content you. When you strive for anything in this world in the belief that it will bring you peace, you are belittling yourself and blinding yourself to glory. Littleness and glory are the choices open to your striving and your vigilance. You will always choose one at the expense of the other.

Journal
We are an extension of God, and even here we are expressions of God, and we can reflect that if we choose to do so. It isn’t easy at first. We have the intention of doing this, of being a clear reflection of our divinity, but at our birth, we forget who we are and we forget our intention. We spend the rest of our lives striving to remember why we came. That true desire to live big gets twisted into striving for something in the world that mimics magnitude but keeps us small.

From the moment we decide for God, we receive all the help we need to live our intention. We find A Course in Miracles and the teachers that are meant for us. And in each experience, we find a lesson that brings us closer to our goal. But before we get to that help, we have already built an ego construct that we quickly come to identify as our self.

We are taught from birth who we are by people who don’t even know who they are. We gather layer after layer of identity and when we are ready to remember our true identity, we must first loosen our acquired identity. We must learn to turn aside from our learned preferences, from the distractions of the world, and from all that we have come to value, that which props up our construct.

Imagine how hard that must be for people who have constructed a powerful or famous or wealthy self-identity. So many of them are obviously not happy, they get sick just like the rest of us and they lose people they love; their carefully constructed identity cannot protect them from the inevitable effects of separation. Their efforts fail them if they are trying for magnitude through littleness. Everything of this world is little because nothing of this world is real.

It can be just as hard for those of us who live ordinary lives. We gather family so we feel loved and they disappoint us or die or leave. We get educations, but no matter what level of education we receive, what accolades are heaped on us for our efforts, we still feel that something is missing. We fall in love and out of love and into heartache. We get good jobs and lose them or regret them or squander our life on them.

No matter what we do, what we buy, who we impress, we still are not satisfied because we are meant for so much more, and there is that secret knowing buried in our minds that we are not living up to our potential. There will come a time for each of us to remember, though. We are not meant for littleness. We did not come here to live small. We are magnificent beings, children of a magnificent God. When we decide to put aside our striving to make something of nothing, we will open our minds and hearts to the magnitude that we are meant for.

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://dev.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Gentle Healing Lesson 147, Manual for Teachers, Text.  6-5-19

LESSON 147
My mind holds only what I think with God.

(133) I will not value what is valueless.

(134) Let me perceive forgiveness as it is.

Once again, I remind myself that my mind holds only what I think with God. If my thoughts wander to thoughts unlike those I would think with God, it is because I am not truly thinking. I am reminded of an early lesson in which Jesus refers to “the thoughts we think we think” and this is all that is going on in my mind most of the time. Senseless, meaningless chatter, not my real thoughts.

My real thoughts can only be thoughts that are eternally true or they would not be what I think with God. It is helpful for me to remember that what I think with God does not mean I am “thinking” with words. I remember that words are but symbols and so God would not think in words. If they seem to have words it is only my mind trying to find a way to express the thought.

What has value? It can only be that which is eternal. What changes or ends is not worth anything. The things I used to value and some useless stuff I still value are forms that express desires and those desires, for the most part, come from my ego mind. Anything that is a want or a need is an expression of not having and so it is not eternal or I would have it already as it would have been given me in my creation. So, what do I value? Knowing my Self, the extension of love, peace, these are of value.

How do I return to the knowledge that I have these valuables? I forgive everything that is not of God. I forgive the idea of separation, the idea that God is a human with human frailties like anger, vengeance, the desire to punish. I forgive the belief in guilt, fear, the need to win, pain, suffering, and death. In other words, I forgive the world and with it, the idea of a separate needy self. When I do this, I will know that I have everything I ever desired or could desire.

Regina’s Tips
What good news yesterday’s lesson was. “No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth.” And yet, one must be honest about her seeking. To say she seeks the truth, but to look to the world for happiness, is to be dishonest with her self. One who seeks the truth seeks inward, toward the great ocean of life-awareness, which is the true Self.

My Thoughts
I know the world is not going to bring me happiness. Happiness is my nature and thus it is a choice I make to be happy, that is, to be my Self. Every time I choose happiness rather than to react to the world, the memory of Self gains clarity for me. When I look to the world, I reinforce the untrue belief that I am something less than I was created.

Manual for Teachers
Psychic abilities are natural and available to anyone and these powers will become accessible to them as their awareness increases. Psychic abilities are forms of communication that supersede the barriers to communication made to keep the illusion in place. These abilities are useful to the degree that they are under the Holy Spirit’s direction. If not used for the purpose of true communication they will devolve into magic and simply strengthen the ego. I have been dissuaded of any idea I had that psychic abilities are not useful to the Holy Spirit and thus not worthwhile, as I read the last sentence in this section.

“The Holy Spirit needs these gifts, and those who offer them to Him and Him alone go with Christ’s gratitude upon their hearts, and His holy sight not far behind.”

Text
T-7.VII.7. One child of God is the only teacher sufficiently worthy to teach another. 2 One Teacher is in all minds and He teaches the same lesson to all. 3 He always teaches you the inestimable worth of every Son of God, teaching it with infinite patience born of the infinite Love for which He speaks. 4 Every attack is a call for His patience, since His patience can translate attack into blessing. 5 Those who attack do not know they are blessed. 6 They attack because they believe they are deprived. 7 Give, therefore, of your abundance, and teach your brothers theirs. 8 Do not share their illusions of scarcity, or you will perceive yourself as lacking.

I don’t get attacked very often. The few times that it happens, I might react at first, at least in my mind I do, but I always reconsider. I do understand that attack is just fear lashing out. I don’t want to teach anyone that they have something to fear so I don’t defend myself or return the attack.

I was touched by the phrase, “the inestimable worth of every Son of God.” Also, that the HS sees only the truth and is infinitely patient with the ego’s lies because He sees them as nothing. This is my model. It is what I want to do and be. I want to know the inestimable worth of every Son of God no matter what the ego image of that one does or says. I want to never be confused about that.

I was created in peace and therefore, peace is mine always and forever. Even here in this imaginary world of my split mind, I can experience uninterrupted peace. All that I need to do is to release all thoughts that block peace. I only need to release thoughts, not do anything to make peace occur. I can no longer tolerate grievances and attack thoughts in my own mind and when they show up, I release them as quickly as I can.

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://dev.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Gentle Healing Lesson 146, Manual for Teachers, Text.  5-31-19

Lesson 146
My mind holds only what I think with God.

(131) No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth.

(132) I loose the world from all I thought it was.

No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth because the mind holds only what is thought with God. The truth is already in the mind of the seeker. We know the truth. When that doesn’t seem to be the case, it is because we are deliberately hiding it from ourselves. Our purpose for being here now is to remember what we decided to forget. How hard could this be?

To remember what I know, I must forget what I use to obscure the truth. I must loose the world from all I thought it was, from all I made of it. The world is a place to be something I am not. It is a place for the eternally innocent to pretend they are guilty and then to project the blame on something or someone else so they can pretend they are not guilty at the expense of another aspect of their Self. It is an insane asylum. Why would I not gladly loose it from this insanity?

Regina’s Tips
I thought my happiness resided in the world.

My thoughts
That is exactly why we don’t just set the world aside and wake up. We still believe that our happiness resides in the world. We find just enough happiness to keep us from giving up and we keep searching no matter how fruitless the search turns out to be. Do I suffer from pain? Maybe I will find a magic solution to that pain. Did my relationship fall apart? Maybe the next one will be perfect. Even if that has not ever happened, it might this time. I loose the world from all I thought it was because I was wrong to think that my happiness lay in it.

Manual for Teachers
14. HOW WILL THE WORLD END? P 2
2 Until forgiveness is complete, the world does have a purpose. It becomes the home in which forgiveness is born, and where it grows and becomes stronger and more all-embracing. Here is it nourished, for here it is needed. A gentle savior, born where sin was made and guilt seemed real. Here is His home, for here there is need of Him indeed. He brings the ending of the world with Him. It is His Call God’s teachers answer, turning to Him in silence to receive His Word. The world will end when all things in it have been rightly judged by His judgment. The world will end with the benediction of holiness upon it. When not one thought of sin remains, the world is over. It will not be destroyed nor attacked nor even touched. It will merely cease to seem to be.

Journal
The world is useful to us as it is where we will forgive until forgiveness is complete. I see how that is true. The world is a projection of our beliefs and so it will accurately mirror what is in the mind that needs healing. If I judge someone, I know that I still believe that I can judge, that I could ever know enough to judge. Realizing this and understanding that it is a fallacy, I can show the Holy Spirit this tendency and ask Him to judge for me. This is a way to use the world for the purpose of forgiveness.

If I feel guilty for a past deed, I am using the idea of time (which is part of the virtual world we believe we are in) to keep the dream going. The past does not exist unless I keep it alive with my thoughts about it and in so doing, I bring the past into the present and thus assure the future will be the same. Voila! The illusion continues. As I began to realize what I was doing, I made a decision to stop. It has taken a while to let go of the past guilt but I think it’s done now. If there is any that I have not released, I am ready to do so.

These are just two ways we can use the world to undo the world. There are many other ways. I just pay close attention to my thoughts and when I see judgment in them, I remember my purpose and I ask the Holy Spirit for His help in seeing clearly. I also appreciate that Jesus says the world is not going out in a bang. It is not to be destroyed or attacked, but will simply vanish, and do so with the benediction of holiness upon it. That’s a good thing to know because it can be easy to slip into judgment of the world and to think it is something to hate or to regret and that isn’t true. It is simply something to release from our minds, not out of guilt but out of disinterest in that which upholds it, the thought of sin.

Text
This is from Chapter 9. It is an experience I wrote about in my journal that really helped me understand how I could want healing and yet, not want it.

II. The Answer to Prayer, P 2
2 Let us suppose, then, that what you ask of the Holy Spirit is what you really want, but you are still afraid of it. Should this be the case, your attainment of it would no longer be what you want. This is why certain specific forms of healing are not achieved, even when the state of healing is. An individual may ask for physical healing because he is fearful of bodily harm. At the same time, if he were healed physically, the threat to his thought system might be considerably more fearful to him than its physical expression. In this case he is not really asking for release from fear, but for the removal of a symptom that he himself selected. This request is, therefore, not for healing at all.

I completely understand this paragraph and totally accept it. The logic is absolutely clear; if I ask for something, but am afraid of it, then I don’t really want it. However, I have noticed that sometimes it is hard to see that I am asking for something and at the same time afraid I will receive it. I think I really want the healing, and can’t understand why I don’t receive it.

I had a problem at work last week and I was angry about it. I don’t like that feeling anymore and I know it is not in alignment with my goal of awakening to project onto my brother. So I asked for the Atonement in this situation. As I learned from Nouk, “Holy Spirit, please help me to forgive myself for using my boss to attack myself and to separate from your Love as my Holy Self.”

I had to work at this for a while because I kept going back to thinking how wrong he was. I felt threatened by him and so I was afraid to give up my belief that he was attacking me. After all, how could I defend myself if I turned my back on his attack? This is an example of asking for healing, but being afraid of the healing, and so not really wanting the answer. After a day and a half of returning to Spirit with a renewed desire to be healed, I felt like it was undone.

Then I went back to work. As soon as I saw him, I was upset again. Holy cow! Was I ever going to be free of this? I asked the Holy Spirit to look at this with me again and to give me some clarity about it. The thought that came to me was that this could not possibly be his fault because it is my story. I made this story through my desire to be seen as unfairly treated, and separate from my brother. How could it be his fault?

I know this is true. I have no doubt that it is true. And yet, here I was watching the ego mind busily assassinating my brother and stealing my peace. As the day wore on, I felt worse and worse. Looking at my mind I realized I felt guilty and afraid because I was not accepting healing. I know it is not the Holy Spirit ignoring me, so it must be me not really wanting the healing.

Again, I spoke to the Holy Spirit. I knew guilt is not real and that I was making that up. I knew that I want to awaken more than I want this man to be guilty. I saw that I was obviously, for a while, afraid of the answer. But I wanted the answer and so I asked for healing again, this time for the guilt and fear in my mind. I asked Him why I felt so bad and had so much trouble letting this go when it was so clear to me how I made this image from a desire based on a false belief.

What He showed me is that I asked for healing and healing was accomplished in that moment of asking. He showed me that the ego does not want to let go of the grievance and so my ego mind keeps offering it to me. The ego says that I am guilty for not being free of this situation. It says that I am guilty for feeling guilty. I was mesmerized by this circular thinking. The Holy Spirit told me to look away.

That was that! As soon as I looked away, I was free of the guilty feelings and free of the desire to project it onto someone else. Sometimes it is that simple. I refocused my attention on what is true rather than looking at the illusion of guilt. Now the thought that I was wronged comes into my mind at odd times, but I am not attracted to it, and so have no emotional reaction. I just quietly hand it over to the Holy Spirit and enjoy the peace of mind that is my right.

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://dev.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

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