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Study of the Text 9-4-13

VI. The Rewards of God
9-4-13
8 As you come closer to a brother you approach me, and as you withdraw from him I become distant to you. Salvation is a collaborative venture. It cannot be undertaken successfully by those who disengage themselves from the Sonship, because they are disengaging themselves from me. God will come to you only as you will give Him to your brothers. Learn first of them and you will be ready to hear God. That is because the function of love is one.

Once again Jesus is reminding me that the way to God is through my brother. Yesterday I committed to not missing an opportunity to appreciate my brother. I was only partly successful at doing this, but I was successful in noticing when I failed to do so. I was aware that I would get caught up in my own story and when that happened I tended to look through others rather than to really see them.

I noticed that the ego mind judges automatically and if I wasn’t being aware, I simply went along with that. Thinking back on the day, I remember several times when someone at work would say something friendly or help me with something, or smile at me, and in my hurry to finish my work, I didn’t take a second to feel gratitude, and to enjoy these small but perfect expressions of love.

On the other hand, my intention to see past our stories to the oneness that continues to exist even while I ignore it was successful in an overall way. When other people around me expressed frustration I had no trouble being the calm presence. When one person shared their story of sickness with me, I started to give the old “Hmm, sorry to hear that,” and then go back to work, but instead I paused and gave him my attention, really hearing him. I remembered that it was not God’s Will that he suffer and so his condition could not be real. I said something potentially helpful, but more importantly, I extended love and remembered the truth in spite of appearances. 

Today, I choose to make that commitment again. I commit to moving closer to my brother in whatever way presents itself. Maybe I will feel attacked by someone’s words, and choose to open my heart to hear differently. Maybe I will think my brother is wrong, and I will remember to listen, instead, for the truth in his words. Today I will not wrap myself up in my story and use it to insulate myself from others. I will open my mind and my heart to those around me. I will engage the Sonship fully. And today I will remain cognizant that, as I come closer to a brother I will approach Jesus, and as I withdraw from him I will become distant to him. Salvation is a collaborative venture.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 9-3-13

VI. The Rewards of God, Paragraph 7
9-3-13
7 I will go with you to the Holy One, and through my perception He can bridge the little gap. Your gratitude to your brother is the only gift I want. I will bring it to God for you, knowing that to know your brother is to know God. If you are grateful to your brother, you are grateful to God for what He created. Through your gratitude you come to know your brother, and one moment of real recognition makes everyone your brother because each of them is of your Father. Love does not conquer all things, but it does set all things right. Because you are the Kingdom of God I can lead you back to your own creations. You do not recognize them now, but what has been dissociated is still there.

My realization of my debt to Jesus grows daily. His perception is pure now and so he helps me reach that state. His plan of Atonement is in place and all I need to do is my little part. And as I do so, Jesus will take my gifts to God for me. The only gift that God wants from me is my gratitude to my brother because to know my brother is to know God and therefore to be grateful to my brother is to be grateful to God.

I choose to have my mind healed and thus undo the ego, which frees me from separation. That is the process that first allows me to remember that I am one with my brothers and then to remember that we are one with God. It is very simple and with the Holy Spirit’s help, it is very easy. I don’t even have to do this with each of my brothers. One brother completely recognized makes everyone my brother because they are all part of God. All that we do to awaken revolves around our relationships as we learn to forgive our projections onto our brothers and thus remember our love and gratitude for each other.

Like every step that Jesus has asked me to take, this one is possible to do because it is broken down into easy little steps. I will meet my brother in many forms today and each time I do I will see us as joined in a single purpose, or I will see us as separate individuals with our own special interests. It is my choice. Right now seeing with the ego a separate person is my default position, but that is changing. I may start there, but often I am able to change my mind and ask for Christ’s Vision.

Well, ok, my vision is still a little blurred as I try to see my brother through the filter of my own fears and doubts, but it gets sharper and sharper as I continue to allow my mind to be healed. As I come to understand that the grievances I hold against my brother are only my own projections looking back at me, I let them be healed. My brother comes into brighter focus without my projections masking his beauty.

I begin to forget why I failed to love him and wonder how it is I forgot my gratitude toward him. For a long time, even Jesus was the target of my projections, and I was blinded to his glory and to my gratitude toward him. All of that is coming back now and when I think of my brother, Jesus, I am so filled with gratitude and love that it makes me want to cry.

Right there at the end of the paragraph, Jesus reminds of our creations. When I first saw a reference to my creations in the Course I was naturally intrigued, but could not image what he meant by that. I tried to envision my creations but how could I? I can’t even envision my true self. Slowly, over the years, my curiosity has evolved into longing. I know that if I cannot even recognize my own brother, I will not be able to recognize our creations, but they are still there and Jesus is leading me back to them as I allow the Holy Spirit to heal my mind.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 9-2-13

VI. The Rewards of God, Paragraph 6
9-2-13

6 My trust in you is greater than yours in me at the moment, but it will not always be that way. Your mission is very simple. You are asked to live so as to demonstrate that you are not an ego, and I do not choose God’s channels wrongly. The Holy One shares my trust, and accepts my Atonement decisions because my will is never out of accord with His. I have said before that I am in charge of the Atonement. This is only because I completed my part in it as a man, and can now complete it through others. My chosen channels cannot fail, because I will lend them my strength as long as theirs is wanting.

Here is what I see when I read this. First, Jesus has absolute trust in me to do my part in the Atonement. He trusts me more than I trust myself and, he assures me that I cannot fail because he will lend me his strength. When I read this, I feel like crying from relief. I often don’t share the level of trust that Jesus talks about here, and sometimes I feel inadequate to do what he asks of me even though in the Course he tells me that I can do whatever he asks.

He is also right that I don’t trust him as much as he trusts me. I am tempted to say that is not right, it is just myself I don’t trust. But if that were true, if my lack of trust was directed only at myself, then I would simply rely on Jesus as he asks me to and not worry about it. Since I do still sometimes think I will never accomplish the undoing of the ego as the Course directs, I have to admit that I don’t trust Jesus to strengthen my weakness.

Another thing Jesus seems to be explaining to us in this early part of the Text is his part in the Atonement. He has said that he is one of us, the same and not someone to be worshipped. He is not our God, but our brother. He put the Atonement in place and is in charge of it because he was the first one to awaken from the dream. But having awakened from the dream, he understood that we must all awaken and that his awakening was not complete until ours was complete. So he is continuing his awakening by helping us all reach that state.

Understanding this (as best as I can) helps me to accept that he is not mistaken in choosing me at this time. Everyone gets chosen, but only when they are ready. Right now I am ready. Sometimes that thought swells my heart with gratitude, and sometimes I cry in relief. Other times it scares me and I want to retreat into my little dark corner of the illusion and hide out in the ego for awhile longer.

But Jesus now sees what I cannot see and I am learning to trust him as much as he trusts me, so I keep plodding along, following his directions as best as I can, trusting that he knows what he is talking about. It seems he must because he says that the Holy One accepts his Atonement decisions, not because Jesus is special, but because his mind is in complete accord with His.

I am like a bird sitting on the ground. My vision is very limited. Jesus is like the bird in flight and his vision is unimpeded. He sees the completed work. I, from my position, can see only a little bit and even that bit is fuzzy because of my lack of clarity, but he sees exactly where my part fits in and how it links up with others. He knows precisely what each person is ready for and what they need to do to form a strong chain of Atonement. Because his mind is perfectly clear now, he knows how to accomplish this. This is why I must learn to trust him as much as he trusts me, and why I must learn to trust his assessment of my readiness.

Now for the most important part of this paragraph, the part that gives me some direction and purpose. Jesus says:

“Your mission is very simple. You are asked to live so as to demonstrate that you are not an ego, and I do not choose God’s channels wrongly.”

I am to live so as to demonstrate that I am not an ego. It must be possible for me to do this because Jesus says he does not choose God’s channels wrongly. Yikes! I don’t know whether to be elated to know this or to be terrified. As I think about this I remember that I am already doing this, not perfectly yet, but I am doing what I am directed to do. I am vigilant for the ego thoughts and beliefs and am willing to let my mind be healed when I find them. As I do this I live less like I am an ego and more like I am God’s channel.

I am very grateful for the understanding I have been given as I read this Text with the Holy Spirit. I am fully aware that it is not a complete understanding, and that we cannot truly understand or even put into words what may be revealed to us directly from God. We are experiencing ourselves as something outside God and we are limited by our decision so that we have only words to convey truth. This in itself limits our understanding and our expression of that understanding.

I think that Jesus just gives me stories that help me to understand enough to bring me to the next level. I’m fine with that. I only need enough understanding to keep me on the path, and inspire and motivate me to continue my part in undoing the ego. All that Jesus knows, I know; I just don’t remember what I know. Knowledge has not ceased to exist because I don’t remember it and it only awaits my awakening to reveal itself to me.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 8-30-13

VI. The Rewards of God
8-30-13
5 How can you teach someone the value of something he has deliberately thrown away? He must have thrown it away because he did not value it. You can only show him how miserable he is without it, and slowly bring it nearer so he can learn how his misery lessens as he approaches it. This teaches him to associate his misery with its absence, and the opposite of misery with its presence. It gradually becomes desirable as he changes his mind about its worth. I am teaching you to associate misery with the ego and joy with the spirit. You have taught yourself the opposite. You are still free to choose, but can you really want the rewards of the ego in the presence of the rewards of God?

When I read that I have taught myself to value what the ego offers, that the ego brings me happiness and that I associate misery with spirit, I couldn’t see it. How could this be true? So I considered some specific instances and looked at them to see if Jesus was right. I thought about something I had said recently that later came to regret. When I thought about my words I felt foolish and wished I could take them back. It wasn’t really a big deal, but I was concerned about how others would see me.

As I thought about this, I realized that I was being foolish and it was causing me to lose my peace. I asked the Holy Spirit to heal my mind of the belief that I need to look good in front of other people, but I noticed that my heart wasn’t in it. As I wondered about this, I realized that I was afraid to give up the belief that I had to make myself look good to others. I guess my thinking went something like this: If I allow my mind to be healed of the belief that it matters what others think about me, then I will say and do things that are inappropriate and that make me look bad to other people.

It is very circular thinking, and typical of the ego. It reminds me of my fear of heights. I had a very scary experience of being up high and when I wanted to ask that my fear be healed I had this same problem. I was afraid not to be afraid of heights, because if I wasn’t afraid, I would wind up right back in that same situation, and the idea of being there scared me. Isn’t the ego crazy in its logic? So in both instances, I was looking to the ego to protect me and I was seeing the ego as making me happy, and spirit, with its healed mind as being a source of potential misery. Wow! Jesus was right.

The only reason I am not totally buying into this circular reasoning is that I have asked in faith for healing I couldn’t imagine, and let go of my defenses long enough to accept it. In so doing, I have learned to trust spirit, and to value what spirit offers. I have learned to distrust ego and to see that what ego offers is not of value to me. I still fall for the ego insanity sometimes, but I don’t cling to it anymore. It is a thought I believe until I notice that I am no longer interested, and then I let it go.

Here is a favorite quote from Chapter 8 of the Text, it says:

Yet you are not asked to dispel your hallucinations alone. You are merely asked to evaluate them in terms of their results to you. If you do not want them on the basis of loss of peace, they will be removed from your mind for you.

Sometimes when I read this I feel such a sense of relief and gratitude that I cry. I am not alone. I am not asked to do what I clearly cannot do. To be free I only need to want freedom. I don’t have to untangle my mind or stop behaving in a certain way. I don’t have to figure out how to want to be healed while I still believe healing will hurt me. I only have to see that my thoughts have cost me my peace of mind, and to know I want peace more than I want the thoughts. They will then be removed for me. A little willingness, a little trust, that is all that is required of me. Thank You, God.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 8-29-13

VI. The Rewards of God, Paragraph 4
8-29-13
4 The ego and the spirit do not know each other. The separated mind cannot maintain the separation except by dissociating. Having done this, it denies all truly natural impulses, not because the ego is a separate thing, but because you want to believe that you are. The ego is a device for maintaining this belief, but it is still only your decision to use the device that enables it to endure.

I never thought that the ego and the spirit do not know each other but I see that this must be true. The ego is the device we use to convince ourselves that we are not spirit, so of course the two selves cannot meet. As I write this I wonder how I am supposed to get out of this if ego and spirit do not know each other. But then Jesus also said that I am not the ego, that the ego is just something I use, and I can choose not to use the ego device anymore. If I stop using the ego it will disappear.

I am going to think about how this works. First, I am spirit. Then, because I wanted to experience myself as if I were something else, I made a device that would allow this. It would be representative of that other thing, but the only way it could work is if I completely immersed myself in the other and forgot what I am. I would have to dissociate completely from my true self to have the experience of not being spirit. And so here I am.

The ego allows me to feel as if I am separate, and with separation comes all the drama I thought I wanted. I am having the experience I thought I wanted to have, and I will continue to have it as long as I want it. Because the ego is something I made, it is not something I must keep. I can choose to stop using it anytime I want to. As I let myself notice that the ego experience is not making me happy and as I begin to desire something else, the memory of that something is coming back to me.

I never planned to stay in this experience forever and so there is a failsafe built into it. There is the Memory of God, the Holy Spirit, Who will guide me out of the ego when I am ready. He will help me undo the ego when I am through with it. My experience has been that I want to wake up and then I want to stay in the story, then I want to wake up, then I go back to the story. But each time I undo a bit of the ego my memory of spirit gets stronger in my mind. As this happens the belief in ego gets weaker since ego depends on dissociation to exist.

The ego is not a bad thing that I did. It was not a sin and I am not guilty for it. Those feelings are just part of the separation thought. When I choose against the ego, the feelings of guilt and fear will disappear with it. I am having this experience of my own will. I am not being punished even though it sometimes feels like I am. Because this experience is my own choice, I must choose differently if I want to stop having it. The truth will not be forced on me. As I make that choice to remember the truth, I am learning to value the joy and the peace that occurs naturally when I turn from ego to God.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 8-28-13

VI. The Rewards of God, paragraph 3
8-28-13
3 You have very little trust in me as yet, but it will increase as you turn more and more often to me instead of to your ego for guidance. The results will convince you increasingly that this choice is the only sane one you can make. No one who learns from experience that one choice brings peace and joy while another brings chaos and disaster needs additional convincing. Learning through rewards is more effective than learning through pain, because pain is an ego illusion, and can never induce more than a temporary effect. The rewards of God, however, are immediately recognized as eternal. Since this recognition is made by you and not the ego, the recognition itself establishes that you and your ego cannot be identical. You may believe that you have already accepted this difference, but you are by no means convinced as yet. The fact that you believe you must escape from the ego shows this; but you cannot escape from the ego by humbling it or controlling it or punishing it.

Who am I? I have words to answer that. I am God’s holy Son, His only creation. I have concepts I learned from A Course in Miracles, ideas that I can relate to, but that does not mean I really know who I am. The more I learn, the more I realize that the truth is beyond my understanding while my mind is split. What I can do is form the habit of turning to the Holy Spirit for answers, rather than to the ego mind. In this way I will systematically undo the ego in my mind and what I am will be revealed to me.

For the most part I do this now. I place my awareness on the Holy Spirit often during the day and sometimes I remember doing it even in my sleep. When I am afraid, guilty, unhappy, or in pain, I know I have given my attention to the ego. I don’t fight the ego anymore, nor try to control it; I just ask the Holy Spirit how He wants me to see this. For instance, sometimes I will think about my son being in pain from his back injury and fear for him will flood my mind. I don’t try to stop thinking about it. I don’t try to beat the thought back with positive affirmations. I don’t try to control those thoughts at all. I just look, without guilt, at my fear thoughts and ask the Holy Spirit to heal my mind.

There are still moments when I get confused and live for a bit in the ego mind, but even then I remember to ask for help, and I continue to do so until I have looked away from ego and looked to Spirit. Those moments show me where I still hold onto an ego belief such as guilt or fear. When I get caught up in one, like fear for my child’s safety, it can be like watching a train wreck. It’s awful and I know I should look away, but the mind is just mesmerized. But as Jesus says here, choosing the Holy Spirit often makes it easier to choose His guidance again.

Guilt can still hook me, but that one is easier now for me to release. Once in awhile I will remember something I did in the past and feel my gut clench in regret, but I truly understand that guilt is never helpful, that it only mires me more deeply into the ego, and so I ask for help when that happens. I am beginning to accept that guilt itself is not real. It is just another idea that is part of the separation thought. If it is not real, I can’t be guilty no matter what I seemed to do. I am grateful to myself for allowing this mind healing, and I am so grateful for the Holy Spirit’s guidance.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 8-27-13

8-27-13
VI. The Rewards of God
2 In learning to escape from illusions, your debt to your brother is something you must never forget. It is the same debt that you owe to me. Whenever you act egotistically towards another, you are throwing away the graciousness of your indebtedness and the holy perception it would produce. The term “holy” can be used here because, as you learn how much you are indebted to the whole Sonship, which includes me, you come as close to knowledge as perception can. The gap is then so small that knowledge can easily flow across it and obliterate it forever.

I gave a workshop this past weekend. A group of people sat all day long and for two hours the next morning and listened while I taught myself. Between teachings they shared with me and with each other their lessons, the ones they learned and the ones they are still trying to accept. I know my debt to these brothers and sisters, and I am so grateful to them.

It is easy for me to see myself indebted to my brothers when I think of this weekend, but sometimes I forget my debt when the circumstances are less pleasant. When someone seems to be attacking me, when someone’s problem triggers my own stuff, when someone seems to be placing demands on me; in these kinds of situations, I tend to forget my indebtedness to my brother. Instead, it seems as if my brother is now my enemy.

And yet, these moments of frustration, anger, or fear, these moments when the person in my awareness seems to bring up all the ugly stuff I normally keep buried, these moments are my way home. And these brothers are giving me exactly what I need to take the next step in that direction. When this happens I have a choice. I can accept the ego interpretation of the situation and defend myself against attack. Or I can accept the Holy Spirit’s interpretation and realize that my dear brothers are presenting me with a chance to heal my mind.

The next time I feel attacked, instead of defending myself from my brothers I can ask that I be shown another way to see this. As my perception is healed, the one I only a moment ago felt resentment for, now feels like my friend, my helper. Our hands are (metaphorically) clasped as we help each other undo the ego through our forgiveness.

Holy Spirit, I felt like I was in rarified company this weekend, and today as I prepare to go to work I feel a bit of dread. It feels like I am arming myself for battle. I see that I have been looking at my brothers as enemies to be overcome. I have seen them as competitors and even the ones I like and depend on, I see as potentially disappointing. It seems I can’t tell a friend from an enemy as they switch places depending on how I perceive them in any moment. Please heal my mind.

Holy Spirit: Thank you for asking for my help. This weekend you saw your brothers as your helpers and you were grateful to them. Now you can see the contrast between how that feels and how it often feels when you see the people in your life as enemies instead of friends.

Me: I do. I am really surprised that I do this so much. I would have thought that it was rare for me to see others as enemies, but with Your help I can see what is really happening. I was thinking of going to work and felt anxious about it. I have a report due and I should have done it before I left; now I will have to go into the office and face my boss. Normally, I think of her as a friend and ally and now I think of her as someone I must defend against. I now see that I do this a lot. How do you want me to see this, Holy Spirit?

Holy Spirit: This boss of yours is no different than the people this weekend who gave you the opportunity to join for the purpose of awakening. The reason you think it is different is because you have given today’s circumstances a different meaning. But you have also chosen to look at what you have done and accept healing. This weekend you talked about healing the mind. Today you practice healing the mind. Every person who is involved in these two moments is your mighty companions. They are equal in their value to you and you are equally in debt to them for this opportunity.

Me: I see that! Thank you! Thank you for correcting my perception. I feel gratitude and happiness as I realize that every one I meet today is my helper regardless of what seems to be happening. No wonder I often experience a vague sense of anxiety. I have failed to see my brothers as my helpers and so have not recognized my indebtedness to them. Instead of seeing my boss as someone to defend against, I am going to see her as the one who may offer me an opportunity to forgive. I owe her a debt of gratitude either way.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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