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Study of the Text 1-30-13

1-30-13
5 The sole responsibility of the miracle worker is to accept the Atonement for himself. This means you recognize that mind is the only creative level, and that its errors are healed by the Atonement. Once you accept this, your mind can only heal. By denying your mind any destructive potential and reinstating its purely constructive powers, you place yourself in a position to undo the level confusion of others. The message you then give to them is the truth that their minds are similarly constructive, and their miscreations cannot hurt them. By affirming this you release the mind from over-evaluating its own learning device, and restore the mind to its true position as the learner.

That first sentence is maybe the most important sentence in the Course for me at this time. Whatever is happening in my life at the moment, this is the thought that brings me back to my purpose. My sole responsibility is to accept the Atonement for myself. Then Jesus, this Master Teacher, sums it all up in one sentence as he tells me that all I have to do is recognize that only the mind is creative and that all its errors are healed by the Atonement.

I have been shown in this section that in the past I have given the body credit for being creative. Sometimes I have acted like the body has a mind of its own and that I have little control over it. Here are examples of how this occurs for me. I pretend it gets sick without my permission or active participation, and then convince myself this is true. I give into a craving or in some way feed its appetites, act like I can’t help it, and then feel anxious because I feel like the situation is out of control. 

The truth is the body is not creative and trying to heal it at that level is just another strategy the ego employs to keep me focused on the illusion and thereby protect me from God. Giving the body magic potions like medicine and vaccinations, or controlling the appetites through outward means like hypnosis to stop the craving for cigarettes or food, would be examples. (Not that I am suggesting we stop doing these things before the mind is healed enough to do so without fear.)

We may as well go to a witch doctor or sorcerer and let them chant over us and mix us up a potion from eye of toad for all the good it is actually doing. It is not at this level that healing takes place. There is only one creative force and that is mind, and so it is mind alone that needs healing. And how is the mind healed? Only through accepting the Atonement.

I see that Jesus says that the mind is healed as I accept the Atonement. I only need to accept it, and there is nothing for me to do other than accept it. The ego always feels resistance to the idea that my part is so small, but this is the truth. Everything else in the Course is devoted to showing me that I have need of healing, that I want that healing, and preparing my mind for the healing. In this part there is much for me to do, but for the healing itself, all that is needed from me is a simple, unequivocal “yes.”

I now accept that I need healing, that I really prefer peace, that only peace makes me happy, and that it is possible for me to have peace. I am learning that only the mind is creative. I say learning rather than knowing, because I see that I still have to remind myself that this is true. It is new enough for me to still sometimes automatically go to wrong-minded thinking and then have to ask for healing of the mind.

By accepting the Atonement my mind can only heal. This is a done deal and doesn’t need anything from me to make it true. I don’t have to try to heal or “do” anything to heal. A healed mind simply heals. Right now, I am still in the phase of accepting the Atonement, then returning to wrong-minded thinking, and accepting the Atonement again.

I am denying my mind any destructive potential and reinstating its purely constructive powers, but it is new for me and so I must protect my decision with my vigilance. I still watch my mind for wrong-minded thoughts and ask that I be healed. I still find areas that I seem to exclude from the Atonement and I am being gently led to look at those and decide again.

While in my right mind, I am a healer, and I am learning that I want to stay in my right mind. I am being shown what I need to do to make this so. As I become more consistent in my decision, I am more effective as a miracle-worker. The message I give others is more consistently the truth. This message is that there is only one level that needs healing and that healing brings peace and happiness. The message is that as they, too, are healed, they become healers, and that their minds are creative, and that their miscreations cannot hurt them.

This message is conveyed through my words, my actions and my thoughts. You can see how powerful the message will be when it is perfectly consistent. Look at the people who do this, people like Mooji and Byron Katie, for example. You see how others are drawn to them. We are drawn to these people (or people like them) because there is the same truth in our minds and that truth wants to embrace Itself, and to express through us all. Whoever is ready to accept the truth will hear the truth and long for more of it.

This is our job, our only job here. We are to accept the Atonement and become the miracle worker, the healer, the master teacher, so that others will be healed with us. This is the way healing will spread through the mind and the sleeping mind will finally awaken. Each and every time we become aware of a wrong-minded thought and choose differently, this is what we are doing. We are saving the world.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 1-29-13

1-29-13
4 The healer who relies on his own readiness is endangering his understanding. You are perfectly safe as long as you are completely unconcerned about your readiness, but maintain a consistent trust in mine. If your miracle working inclinations are not functioning properly, it is always because fear has intruded on your right-mindedness and has turned it upside down. All forms of not-right-mindedness are the result of refusal to accept the Atonement for yourself. If you do accept it, you are in a position to recognize that those who need healing are simply those who have not realized that right-mindedness is healing.

What a relief it is to know that I am not relying on my own readiness. Yesterday, during this quiet time with Spirit, I had an extraordinary healing experience. Later during the day the ego part of my mind wanted very much to deny what happened. To the ego’s way of seeing things, nothing really happened. There was no fanfare and, most disturbing to the ego, there was no sense of “doing,” nor of understanding.  The ego places great store in both doing and understanding.

The most persistent thought from the ego is that “I” am not ready for this. Jesus evidently expected that reaction from ego because he answered it right here in the next paragraph. I am not to rely on my own readiness, and not to be the least concerned about it, but to maintain a consistent trust in his. Thank you, Jesus. My gratitude to my elder brother increases daily.

The interesting thing about yesterday is not that ego attacked the idea that I accepted my role as miracle-worker, but that I felt mostly unconcerned about the voice in my head. I heard it but didn’t believe it. When I was in the process of allowing the miracle to take place, the ego voice was saying that nothing was happening and used the lack of a physical experience to prove it was not happening.

At that moment, a thought was placed in my mind gently reminding me of all the times I have received healing in my mind that happened so simply, and with so little display, that the only way I knew anything happened at all was the peace that followed. The ego wants constant and showy proof because of its lack of faith in self. But that it is the thing, I am not depending on ego-self.

I am still in awe that I did not accept the fear that ego offered, not during the healing nor later. I am most in awe that later, when I was not sitting in silence with that sense of purpose so strong and undisturbed in my mind, when I was fully in the world, I still was not interested in the ego’s fear thoughts.

My mind was right. For that time, I accepted the Atonement for myself and so my vision was clear. There were a number of times during the day that I noticed the draw to wrong-minded thinking about one thing or another, but the thing about these perfect, clear moments is that they bleed over into every other moment and lessen the impact, or at least shorten the effect of, wrong-minded thinking.

It seems that if I accept the Atonement for myself often, the permeation of that healing will enlighten the mind fully. Just as the ego ranting was just a background noise and without effect when it tried to convince me that nothing happened yesterday, I think this could be the way we can live in, but not be of, the world.

One more thought occurred to me. I read this sentence:

All forms of not-right-mindedness are the result of refusal to accept the Atonement for yourself.

I noticed that it said not-right-mindedness is the result of a refusal to accept the Atonement. It does not say that I cannot, or that I may not be ready to, but that I refuse to accept. That seems significant to me. When I do not accept the Atonement for myself, I am simply refusing to do so. But how could that be? How can my lack of readiness, however I feel that lack, really affect my ability to accept the Atonement?

Jesus says that I don’t need to feel ready if I will consistently trust his readiness. In fact, he says I can be unconcerned about my level of readiness. I can accept the Atonement for myself, and I believe that it is helpful for me to remember that not accepting the Atonement for myself is a choice I made. This opens me to choose again, whereas believing that I can’t yet make that choice closes me off to the possibility.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 1-28-13

1-28-13
3 I have already said that miracles are expressions of miracle-mindedness, and miracle-mindedness means right-mindedness. The right-minded neither exalt nor depreciate the mind of the miracle worker or the miracle receiver. However, as a correction, the miracle need not await the right-mindedness of the receiver. In fact, its purpose is to restore him to his right mind. It is essential, however, that the miracle worker be in his right mind, however briefly, or he will be unable to re-establish right-mindedness in someone else.

I like that first paragraph because it helps the thinking mind put some order to these ideas. The thinking mind wants to understand, and to be useful to me here in the world I do need some understanding of these things. But I know that my understanding is not complete and never will be as long as I am here. It is just a bundle of concepts that are temporarily helpful.

I used to think I studied the Course so that I could understand. Now I laugh at myself for that thought. I study the Course because I must. What seems to be happening is that as I study it, cracks appear in the solid wall of ignorance that is my belief that I know anything. This bit of an opening then allows something greater to find a way in and it shines a light into all this darkness.

This paragraph seems to be about attitude. When someone needs a miracle and I think it may be for me to perform that miracle, what is my attitude? Do I see myself as exalted because I am the one who is being called to do this thing? Or do I feel gratitude because I am the one who is asked to do this thing? Do I feel true humility, knowing that it is not the ego self that is doing this, but the Spirit within, God moving through me, that does all things.

When I look on the one in need of the miracle do I see this one as less than? Or do I see this one as God’s child, temporarily confused, but never less than His holy child, one with me and one with our Father. Can I, at least temporarily, forget our roles and our stories, and just be the love that I am?

Can I let go of the need to decide and to control? Can I just be empty? Can I just allow love to flow from me to my brother and to flow back to me, all unimpeded by my feeble efforts to understand it and to govern it? If I can be in my right mind just for a brief moment, mountains will move at my will, and healing will restore the world.

There is a little light in my mind that I have been tending so that it is brighter now. I allow that light to brighten and to flow from my mind to the brother whose face I see before me. This light gently coaxes the light in his mind to flame into brilliance, and together our light shines away the darkness that has hidden our truth and left us bereft.

This is not “my” light or “his” light. It is the Light that Is and needs only my acceptance to be Itself through us and in us. Just for a moment I know what I am meant to be. I have been given my assignment and I have accepted it. It is ok that my brother does not share my certainty. It is ok that he isn’t even conscious of our joining. My Heart’s desire has joined with his Heart’s desire and the Heart doesn’t need the mind’s help to be Itself. There. It is done.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 1-25-13

1-25-13

2 Magic is the mindless or the miscreative use of mind. Physical medications are forms of “spells,” but if you are afraid to use the mind to heal, you should not attempt to do so. The very fact that you are afraid makes your mind vulnerable to miscreation. You are therefore likely to misunderstand any healing that might occur, and because egocentricity and fear usually occur together, you may be unable to accept the real Source of the healing. Under these conditions, it is safer for you to rely temporarily on physical healing devices, because you cannot misperceive them as your own creations. As long as your sense of vulnerability persists, you should, not attempt to perform miracles.

This is a good paragraph for me to work with today, because I had this exact experience this past week. Here is what happened and how I used it.

I wore myself down moving until I was nearly sick. I was shaky and nauseated and weepy. When everything is going smoothly in my life I study what I need to learn, and I practice, in little ways, what I have studied. But when something happens that challenges what I have been studying, I get a chance to really practice.  This was one of those times. The first thing I noticed is it’s very hard to remember the truth when the body is in pain. Pain tends to focus the attention on the body and where the attention goes, so does my identification. When I focus on the body, I feel like a body.

What I did was to be mindful. I paid as much attention to my emotional reactions as I could. This was not a perfect practice because my mind felt tired, too. This is a different kind of tired. It is caused by stressful thinking. Thoughts like, “How will I finish in time? What if I can’t do this?” These fear thoughts lead to more fear thoughts, some completely unrelated, but all fear thoughts increase body identity, and negative thinking drains the mental energy just as overwork drains the physical energy. I recognized what was happening and asked for help, but the split in the mind was very apparent as I also gave a great deal of attention to the fear thoughts and the body.

Another thing I noticed is that I am going to project onto the body my belief in pain and suffering. This will happen for as long as I hold onto the belief that pain and suffering are real and that I am guilty and so deserve pain and suffering. This belief is deeply rooted in the mind and it is hard to let go. When I first started to work on this idea I didn’t really believe I would ever be able to not believe in pain and suffering. I was willing to try, though, and as I experienced small but undeniable results, my mind opened to greater possibilities. I began to realize that pain and suffering cannot be real and this further opened my mind to the light of truth. Now I know I will let go of this belief altogether.

This week I was reminded that how strongly I feel pain, depends entirely on how closely I identify with the body. The problem, of course, is that the worse I feel, the harder it is to remember I am not actually in that body. I overworked and began to feel the effect. If I had stopped there and remembered that the body has no creative ability and the exhaustion and pain I felt was the effect of a false belief I was holding in my mind, then I would simply have felt tired and achy and it would have passed quickly. I know this is true because it is usually my experience. But I got caught up in my thoughts and allowed them to run the show. I began to feel sorry for myself and to invite in fear thoughts and soon I was fully identified with the body. (Well, not fully identified with the body, because I did remember to ask for help out of my mental confusion.)

And that brings me to another realization. Whether it’s my physical body or my emotional body, it is hard not to think I should feel different. I have been working with these ideas and so I had this expectation that I would do better.  I began to think I should not feel this way and to believe I should stop my thoughts and feelings. That just makes the thinking errors seem so real and so important. I tried to bring my mind back to just noticing and asking for mind healing. This is very important. I will go from feeling miserable to being afraid if I think it means I have not learned anything. It can be a terrific opportunity to practice what I have learned, or I can use it to prove that I haven’t learned anything. It all depends on how I choose to perceive it.

This began on Thursday and by Monday I was really played out. I was in a lot of pain as well. I was also mentally and emotionally exhausted and recognized that I was not in a place to use the mind to heal. I had been, up to now,  practicing remembering the body is not the source of pain and suffering, and I had been doing this through not depending on magic solutions. I decided I needed to use magic at this time. Of course the ego wanted to see this as proof that I am a body, and a guilty one at that, and I saw those thoughts, but I had enough sanity left to realize this was not true.  Not taking medicine was never the point, but was just a way of teaching myself that I am not a body. Not taking medicine did not make me a better person and so taking it could not affect my worthiness either.

That was my experience. The way I stayed as sane as possible throughout the experience was to remind myself often that, in spite of appearances, I am not this body and this body has no creative ability so could not be the cause of the problem. I reminded myself that I am not alone and that I have Inner Guidance and an Inner Healer. These reminders felt weak, but it was good to know the truth was still there in spite of what seemed to be going on, and in spite of the strong ego voice. 

It helps me to remember this: Where is my body? It’s in my mind. Then where is my pain? Only one place it could be; it is in my mind. As I heal the mistaken thoughts in my mind, the body, which sits there right beside those thoughts, which is the effect of those thoughts, is healed as well. The practice, weak as it seemed, was enough, and as it strengthened, my mind recovered it’s sanity and so the body recovered. I began to laugh at the whole situation and to see it for the opportunity it was. I no longer felt the need for magical solutions as I recovered my trust and returned to healing the mind.

The prayers I used were these. First it was a simple call for help when my mind was in a weakened state. Then, as that prayer was answered, I recognized that it was fear thoughts that gave the ego a foot in the door. I started using this prayer:

God loves me very much and He will always love me. There is nothing to fear.

From here I remembered that it was not the body in need of healing, but the mind, which was in a confused state. Then I used the prayer:

Holy Spirit, I have done this, but I am ready to be healed. Please come into come into my mind and undo what I had done.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 1-18-13

V. The Function of the Miracle Worker
1 Before miracle workers are ready to undertake their function in this world, it is essential that they fully understand the fear of release. Otherwise they may unwittingly foster the belief that release is imprisonment, a belief that is already very prevalent. This misperception arises in turn from the belief that harm can be limited to the body. That is because of the underlying fear that the mind can hurt itself. None of these errors is meaningful, because the miscreations of the mind do not really exist. This recognition is a far better protective device than any form of level confusion, because it introduces correction at the level of the error. It is essential to remember that only the mind can create, and that correction belongs at the thought level. To amplify an earlier statement, spirit is already perfect and therefore does not require correction. The body does not exist except as a learning device for the mind. This learning device is not subject to errors of its own, because it cannot create. It is obvious, then, that inducing the mind to give up its miscreations is the only application of creative ability that is truly meaningful.

Well, if I had not already come to this conclusion, this paragraph would have blown me out of the water! Let’s look at this sentence:

None of these errors is meaningful, because the miscreations of the mind do not really exist.

This is the bottom line. The mind’s miscreations do not actually exist. These miscreations include the body. That’s right, the body that most of us are still so closely identified. The body does not exist. I think I know this, then some little thing happens or some stray thought betrays me, and I realize I still believe in the body.

Jesus has told us that the body is merely part of our experience in the physical world, but he also says that it is almost impossible to deny its existence in the world and that we should not try to do so.  In this world I have a body, but this does not in any way make the body real. Just because I have thought of a body and then projected onto the world so that I can experience it, does not mean it actually exists. No matter how real it looks and feels, no matter how vivid the experience of it, no matter how strongly I identify myself to it, the body is still an illusion.

Because I am ready to undo that identification with body, the Holy Spirit is helping me one step at a time. I think it began in earnest, when He directed me to study Lesson 190, and to practice what I learned there. I began to let go of the idea that pain is real. In this lesson Jesus tells us that it is our thoughts that cause us pain. He says pain cannot be real because it is not part of God. Holy Spirit had me use this idea every time the body experienced pain.

After doing this for months, with extraordinary results, I began to realize that if pain is not real because God is not pain, then guilt cannot be real either. All that awful guilt that seemed so impossible to give up must be just a thought in my mind, too. So I continued the study until, very slowly, guilt began to loosen its grip on me. Or more accurately stated, I began to loosen my grip on guilt. It is amazing to me that pain and guilt are not real, and yet it is now clear to me that they are only thoughts I choose to believe. I but do this to myself.

Now the Holy Spirit has me working more directly on the idea of the body itself as an illusion. The other work was leading to this. How else do we feel pain and guilt except through the body. Even emotional pain is possible only if I believe in the body. Bodies are the symbol of the idea of separation. They are the way we experience separation, and separation is the cause of suffering of every kind.

As I have mentioned before, the Holy Spirit guided me to set aside two of my favorite magic potions, the sleep aid and the headache pill. I can do this because I know that He is not asking me to sacrifice them, or to suffer for God. He is asking me to use this experience to remember that the body is not real and that the problems with the body are equally unreal.

If the body is a thought in the mind that is projected onto the world, then the ailments of the body can only be more thoughts. And no matter how much I project, the actual location is not the world, but my mind, so the location of the ailment can also only be my mind. How can a pill heal an illusion except that the mind that miscreated both, decided on that solution. I made both the problem and the solution and neither one truly exist.

This idea is so clear to me that you would think it would be a snap to do this, but, alas, the mind really wants to keep its illusions in place. Last night I thought about taking an Ambien because I wanted to go to sleep early so I could get up early, and I did not feel sleepy enough to do that. Then I became nervous thinking this might mean I would not be able to go to sleep.

I considered it with my thinking mind (always a mistake) and soon I was confused about the whole thing. It was a brief, but total confusion, in which I forgot that the body cannot decide it is sleepy or not sleepy. It cannot have insomnia. Only the mind can do this. The body has no creative powers. I may as well believe that my hammer can decide what it can do or not do. The body is a tool that responds to the beliefs held in the mind.

As my mind began to clear, I forgot all about the Ambien. It would be silly to take a pill made to put the body to sleep when my mind was the actual source of sleepiness in the body. Then I noticed another thought, this one from Spirit. I was actually keeping myself awake when I could have gone to bed earlier. I realized that I do this all the time. I set myself up to “need” the pill. The pill is important to the ego mind because it reinforces the idea that the body is real and is creative. This keeps the ego in place and in charge.

This practice the Holy Spirit has me doing is very important. It has nothing to do with taking pills or not taking them. He is using this practice to help me break the bond I have with the physical self, to remember who I am. In this step of the process he is helping me to do so by showing me how to induce the mind to give up its miscreations.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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1-17-13

1-17-13
5 The value of the Atonement does not lie in the manner in which it is expressed. In fact, if it is used truly, it will inevitably be expressed in whatever way is most helpful to the receiver. This means that a miracle, to attain its full efficacy, must be expressed in a language that the recipient can understand without fear. This does not necessarily mean that this is the highest level of communication of which he is capable. It does mean, however, that it is the highest level of communication of which he is capable now. The whole aim of the miracle is to raise the level of communication, not to lower it by increasing fear.

Not so long ago if I had received guidance to stop taking any of my medication or supplements, I would have seen it as a sacrifice. I would have thought that God was asking me to sacrifice now so that in the future I would be rewarded. I would have done it even if I was afraid, and I would have failed because my fear would have sabotaged it.

Even if I succeeded, I would have taught myself that I was guilty for taking them, that God wants my sacrifice, and that maybe part of the sacrifice is to die because I am not taking the pills. This is not the lesson Jesus wants me to learn and so the guidance did not come at that time. Instead, I was given different guidance that led me to practices which prepared me for my current guidance. Small, easy steps.

Some years ago I prayed that my allergies would be healed. I was allergic to just about everything in my environment and many foods. Some of my allergies were severe. I had allergies every single day, and I took medicine for them twice a day every day. I had to keep looking for new medicines because when you take one constantly, the body gets used to it and it doesn’t work anymore.

When I finally asked for healing I couldn’t imagine how this could happen. I had tried the shots and everything else I had ever heard of, but nothing worked. Nevertheless, I wanted to be healed of this constant misery. It was like having a cold every day of your life. I told Holy Spirit that I didn’t know how it could happen, but I wanted to be healed.

Within a few days a friend of mine called to say that she found someone who got rid of her allergies. This man was an alternative healer and she said that it was a simple treatment, but it seemed to have worked. I didn’t hesitate. I made an appointment and within two days of the treatment I didn’t have allergies anymore and they have never come back.

Why did I need an agent to heal me? Why not just have the allergies go away? Certainly this could happen. I think I was not ready for that healing. It’s hard for me to imagine I would have been afraid of the healing, and yet, I think it is true. I think that I was not ready at that time to let go of the idea that I really am not this body. I think at that time I would read the lesson that I am not a body as, I am not just this body. And I don’t think I was ready to know the truth.

I also don’t think I was ready to accept full responsibility for my allergies. I needed them to be caused by something outside of me. I still needed to be victim to things I couldn’t control. Full responsibility was too scary at that time. This would have caused me a lot of fear as well. But evidently, I was ready to accept that I was worthy of healing, and so the Atonement expressed in a way I could accept without fear. This, too, was a small, easy step that prepared me for much more.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 1-16-13

1-16-13
4 All material means that you accept as remedies for bodily ills are restatements of magic principles. This is the first step in believing that the body makes its own illness. It is a second misstep to heal it through non-creative agents. It does not follow, however, that the use of such agents for corrective purposes is evil. Sometimes the illness has a sufficiently strong hold over the mind to render a person temporarily inaccessible to the Atonement. In this case it may be wise to utilize a compromise approach to mind and body, in which something from the outside is temporarily given healing belief. This is because the last thing that can help the non-right-minded, or the sick, is an increase in fear. They are already in a fear-weakened state. If they are prematurely exposed to a miracle, they may be precipitated into panic. This is likely to occur when upside-down perception has induced the belief that miracles are frightening.

I love how gentle Jesus is in this course of his. He knows that we have a lot of fear and he goes out of his way to be sure we don’t use the Course to increase that fear. I notice that when I read this part about maybe being in a fear-weakened state and so taking medicine for now, that ego wants to take that as a challenge. Or sometimes it wants to use it as a sign that I am guilty of not being better than that. But these kinds of ego ploys don’t work on me anymore. They are just thoughts passing through and find no hook in me so they don’t stay.

Jesus is very gently guiding me to let go of certain magic remedies. It is time for this because I no longer believe that I am victim to pain and sickness and I am comfortable accepting responsibility. I know that the body is an image projected from my mind and I know that pain and sickness are simply more images projected from a sick mind. This idea is not uncomfortable for me at all, and just awakens in me a strong desire to heal the mind. So now is a good time for me to start letting go of some of my crutches.

I am not going at this with a vengeance. I am just following guidance one moment at a time, and if I temporarily go back to magic solutions, I do so without guilt or concern. Taking medicine or not taking it is not cause for judgment. The ego, of course, wanted to set me up for failure as soon as I heard the guidance. It said that if I didn’t need one form of magic then I don’t need any and I should stop everything.

I let that thought sit for a moment because I wasn’t sure where it was coming from. But then I felt fear, small and mostly hidden, and knew the idea came from ego so I ignored it. At one time this process would have been miserable, and would have raised a lot of fear and guilt. That is why it is best not to try to take charge of my awakening but to allow it to gently unfold.

Yesterday I got a new thought related to this. I have been a real germophobe. I made that word up. I have always been afraid of germs and go to extremes to avoid contact. My kids share food from the same plate and even the same spoon and roll their eyes at me because I am aghast. If they thoughtlessly dip their spoon in my food, I just give it to them. They kindly try to remember not to do that.

When I go into a public restroom, which I do many times a day since I travel in my work, I carefully avoid touching anything and then wash my hands as if I have been rolling in germs. I carry disinfectant with me to hotels. I know all kinds of facts about germs and how long they live on surfaces. I’m not OCD about it but I am pretty neurotic. Anyway, yesterday I was washing up in a public restroom and carefully avoiding touching the faucet with my clean hands when I was given the thought to forgive this.

I was not given the thought to be careless or to stop acting like I must avoid germs. This would have definitely been too big of a step for me. I was told to simply forgive it. So every time now when I have a thought about germs I will remind myself that germs are just an image I have projected onto the world that I have also projected. This is the step I am to take. A tiny step forward, a gentle awakening to the truth.

I am so grateful to God. He loves me so much.

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