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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-10-12

Day130
4 Certainly sickness does not appear to be a decision. Nor would anyone actually believe he wants to be sick. Perhaps he can accept the idea in theory, but it is rarely if ever consistently applied to all specific forms of sickness, both in the individual’s perception of himself and of all others as well. Nor is it at this level that the teacher of God calls forth the miracle of healing. He overlooks the mind and body, seeing only the face of Christ shining in front of him, correcting all mistakes and healing all perception. Healing is the result of the recognition, by God’s teacher, of who it is that is in need of healing. This recognition has no special reference. It is true of all things that God created. In it are all illusions healed.

Yesterday I was very clear about healing, or at least I understood it a lot better than I have before. I spent the day in ease, feeling God’s Love. Nothing special happened during the day, but it happened very peacefully, and nothing disturbed that peace for more than a second or two as I remembered I have nothing to fear and nothing to do; I am loved by All That Is. All of the universe exists to support and love me, and this is so different from seeing the universe as an adversary, always a threat in one way or another.

Then when I was getting ready for bed, going through my usual night time ritual, I picked up my pill box to take my night time pills. My hand froze as I thought, “Oh no. Should I stop taking these pills?” Actually, it felt more like, do I have to stop taking them, because in that moment I realized how attached I am to the idea that I am saved, not by my Divine Nature, but by the magic solutions contained in that little plastic box.

I seemed to have finally got the perfect combination of magic spells. Calcium because my bone density goes down to a dangerous level without it. Then I had to add vitamin D because suddenly my body was not absorbing the calcium as it should. A very tiny amount of estrogen to make up for a body that no longer produces it on its own. It’s just a little bit of magic but what would I do without it.

Recently I had added another pill to adjust for a body whose parts are wearing out, then added another pill to counteract the side effects of that pill. And so it goes. But really, I finally got it all just right and now I am thinking about chucking the whole thing, and suddenly I felt threatened, and very confused. Instead of seeing the truth clearly, the illusion seemed real and the truth was a shadow, a thought I could no longer bring into clear focus.

The reason for this sense of confusion and my inability to bring the truth into focus is fear. I am afraid to step out of the boat and walk to Jesus. I have put a lot of energy and effort and faith in the false and now I am reluctant to let all that go. I am afraid to let it go, and fear clouds the mind.

My sister in law has the same problem. She received her lungs and heart transplant and everything is working perfectly, except that she is afraid. She has depended on oxygen for so long that she is afraid to give it up. Even though the doctors assure her that her lungs work very well and she doesn’t need oxygen anymore, she is afraid for them to turn it off.

Even though they show her the test that indicates her oxygen levels are at 98-99%, she is afraid to turn off the oxygen. She believes her fear over the clear proof that everything is alright. I completely understand, because I am doing the same thing.

Yesterday I knew that the body is an image of a thought in my mind. I am not this body, not even in this body; I am thinking this body. It cannot be in pain because it is not real. It is just a neutral image that I project onto. As I believe in the ego’s guilt and fear, I project these things onto the body and they appear as pain, suffering and death. As I remember the truth, I project that onto the body image and it appears as a useful communication device and nothing else. It is my choice and only my choice that creates the illusion of sickness.

As I believe in my guilt and this guilt is projected onto the body as sickness, weakness and in other ways, I then have to make up something within the imagined life of Myron to make the illusion tolerable, and to reinforce the illusion. Otherwise the whole thing goes up in smoke, and the unconscious guilt is too great for me to take that chance, just like Brinda has too much fear to take the chance that everyone is right about her lungs working.

Brinda is learning to overcome her fear by listening to her caretakers as they gently remind her of the truth. They talk her through the fear and encourage her to take deep breathes and calm herself when the panic begin to take over. When the fear is too great, they give her oxygen for short periods of time and then start the process again. Eventually, she will move through her fear and all will be well.

The way I am handling the fear is very similar. I know that this is just fear and not truth, so I ask the Holy Spirit to gently move me through it. I ask Him to heal my thoughts because I know that the body does not cause anything, only my thoughts do this. I hear His Voice as He reminds me that the body cannot exhibit weakness, aging, sickness, or pain unless that is my desire. It has no reality outside my belief in it.

He reminds me that the confusion I feel, and the apparent inability to remember the truth is no more real than is Brinda’s fear that she cannot breathe without the oxygen. It is just a reaction to Love so complete that I am afraid of it. He says that the guilt I am aware of and the unconscious guilt that is beneath it and feeds it, is unfounded and cannot affect the Love that is real. He asks me to relax, breathe, and allow Love to carry me through this.

As I do this my thoughts begin to clear. I have nothing to do but desire the miracle of a healed mind. He will do the rest. Today I will disregard appearances as I trust the Holy Spirit to heal my mind. 

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-9-12

Day 129
3 That forgiveness is healing needs to be understood, if the teacher of God is to make progress. The idea that a body can be sick is a central concept in the ego’s thought system. This thought gives the body autonomy, separates it from the mind, and keeps the idea of attack inviolate. If the body could be sick Atonement would be impossible. A body that can order a mind to do as it sees fit could merely take the place of God and prove salvation is impossible. What, then, is left to heal? The body has become lord of the mind. How could the mind be returned to the Holy Spirit unless the body is killed? And who would want salvation at such a price?

In the first paragraph of this section I worked out that Atonement, forgiveness and healing are all interconnected. The Atonement is the undoing of the ego and forgiveness is how I undo it, and the result is healing. The ego is absolutely against the idea of a healed body because it holds that the body is autonomous, and separate from the mind. If the body is healed through healing the mind, you can see the threat to the ego belief system.

I want to look at the idea of sickness very closely to see how the ego uses sickness as a defense against truth and how a sick body takes the place of God, thus making salvation impossible. I think I understand this, then I get confused when I try to put it into words. The ego is dead set against this idea.

The first thing I notice is that the ego says that sickness is the result of sin. I catch a cold and the ego says that someone gave it to me, so that someone is guilty of making me sick. I need to defend myself against this person by staying away from them. I have noticed myself stepping back from sick people, even being angry in my mind that they don’t stay home instead of spreading their germs everywhere. As I look at this I realize how sickness in the body is a useful tool for the ego to create division, to increase the belief in separation, to reinforce fear, guilt, blame and shame.

When I believe that a cold is something I catch I am giving the body autonomy. I am saying that the body is separate from the mind and that the body as its own agenda, its own mind and that I am helpless against it. I am saying that all the right thinking in the world won’t protect me when someone sneezes on me and I catch their cold. Since I cannot control what happens to the body, the body must be god and I must be its servant.

Then I ask the body what it needs, how I can placate it and bring it back to relative health so it will stop hurting (me). I listen to its needs, and bring it Nyquil and ice cream. I coddle it, and listen to its complaints and believe everything it threatens, an infection, pneumonia, maybe death? Seems extreme, but it could happen. People die of complications all the time.

And if I pray for healing, the ego warns me that there will be a price for my betrayal to its thought system. I think that awakening will bring me healing and the ego says that if the body is the source of my pain then healing of the pain will necessitate the loss of the body. Since I believe myself to be in this body it says that this will mean that I have to die to be saved. Better to stick with the Nyquil for now. I don’t have to give up the idea of awakening, just postpone it. Keep studying and doing practices and keep plenty of magic potions on hand to conciliate the body while I wait for awakening to find me.

What Jesus is helping me to understand is that the body is not autonomous. Sickness does not come from anything outside my mind because nothing is outside my mind, not the body or its pretended agents of destruction. It is an ego conceit that the body can get sick without my consent, and a further absurdity that it can get well by something else outside my mind. This whole thing, a body that is outside the control of mind, is an attack on truth, a defense against God.

God is not separation, is not attack, is not sickness, is not suffering, pain or death. A sick body seems to prove that God is dead, or at least powerless against proof that all of these things exist. If I see myself as a body or even in a body, and I have used the body to prove that there is something outside of God, then I have succeeded in separating myself from God. I have succeeded in destroying God’s very essence, which is Wholeness. No wonder I tremble in fear of God and vastly prefer a world of war and pain and death to facing my Creator Whom I seem to have betrayed in the worst way.

The idea that the body could be sick…. . This is the sticking point. This is where the ego rails against me and calls me crazy, or at the very least, mistaken. I must be misinterpreting this. Of course the body can be sick. It has been sick many times, sometimes very sick. And yet, if the truth is true, then the body cannot be sick. If I think the body is sick, I must be delusional. I must be imagining a body that could be sick. To believe in a sick body, I must believe I am something I am not. Can God be sick? I am His Son, in Him and part of Him. I cannot be sick. Holy Spirit, as I look at the doubt and uncertainty in my mind, please lead me out of temptation. Bring me back to truth.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-8-12

Day 128
2 The progress of the teacher of God may be slow or rapid, depending on whether he recognizes the Atonement’s inclusiveness, or for a time excludes some problem areas from it. In some cases, there is a sudden and complete awareness of the perfect applicability of the lesson of the Atonement to all situations, but this is comparatively rare. The teacher of God may have accepted the function God has given him long before he has learned all that his acceptance holds out to him. It is only the end that is certain. Anywhere along the way, the necessary realization of inclusiveness may reach him. If the way seems long, let him be content. He has decided on the direction he wants to take. What more was asked of him? And having done what was required, would God withhold the rest?

Well this is a relief. I have always been a little embarrassed at how long it has taken me to get where I am. I started studying the Course in 1981 and I used to feel guilty that I was not as diligent then as I am now. I would think about how different my life would have been if I had always lived the Course. I know. This is silly. My life was what got me here and that is its value to me, but it just seemed that I was somehow supposed to do a more consistent job and wind up here faster.

There are so many things wrong with that attitude that I don’t know where to begin. What makes me think I should have gone faster? I must be comparing myself to others who did go faster. What makes me think I could have done it differently? Obviously if I could have, I would have. 

From the perspective of now, I look back and see that my journey was perfect. If I dilly-dallied and took a lot of side trips, this long and strange trip afforded me many opportunities to make new choices. I have had time to play bit parts in the stories of many people, and sometimes my bit was essential to their story. And what is time anyway? Its nothing but another illusion.

The Holy Spirit has been sending me messages lately that encourage me to relax and enjoy, to set aside the belief that this journey is hard and requires my concentrated attention. He seems to want me to know that I can do my part in the awakening without gritting my teeth the whole time. God wants happy learners and happy teachers.

It seems my time schedule was self-imposed and no one is looking over my shoulder to see how I’m doing. No one is judging my progress by how quickly I move along. Being aware of my self-judgment, and becoming willing to stop, I am noticing how this sense of needing to hurry has permeated all that I do. I eat fast. I walk fast. I feel guilty if I do something “frivolous” when I could be studying, writing or teaching, and I have an overall attitude of hurry up and get through.

Jeepers, maybe I should relax around all this and allow it to unfold naturally. Maybe the reason the Holy Spirit keeps sending me books and quotes and teachers who say that all is perfect just as it is and you cannot fail in this, and stop being so hard on yourself, is because I am so loved and cherished that God only wants me to be happy. If God isn’t holding a stop watch why should I? If God trusts me to make it to the finish line in perfect time, maybe I should trust myself as well. Perhaps I should practice trust and faith by believing, first, in myself.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-7-12

Day 127
22. HOW ARE HEALING AND ATONEMENT RELATED?

1 Healing and Atonement are not related; they are identical. There is no order of difficulty in miracles because there are no degrees of Atonement. It is the one complete concept possible in this world, because it is the source of a wholly unified perception. Partial Atonement is a meaningless idea, just as special areas of hell in Heaven are inconceivable. Accept Atonement and you are healed. Atonement is the Word of God. Accept His Word and what remains to make sickness possible? Accept His Word and every miracle has been accomplished. To forgive is to heal. The teacher of God has taken accepting the Atonement for himself as his only function. What is there, then, he cannot heal? What miracle can be withheld from him?

I started the contemplation of this paragraph by reminding myself of the meaning of Atonement. Pathways of Light offered a very simple explanation. It said:

Miracles principal #26 tells us that, ” ‘Atoning’ means ‘undoing.’ ” So the Atonement is the undoing of the mistaken ideas in our mind.

So if healing and Atonement are identical, then healing our mind of the mistaken ideas will heal sickness. Jesus also emphasizes that Atonement is not partial. This means we cannot hold onto any part of the error and still accept our function, which is Atonement.

Jesus also tells us that to forgive is to heal. So forgiveness must also be the same as Atonement. I forgive by accepting that there is nothing to forgive. No one is guilty. Nothing has been done to hurt me. This is not a complicated or hard to understand idea, but it appears so to the ego mind.

Ego cannot accept this definition of forgiveness because it completely undoes the basic tenants that hold the ego idea in place. So the ego simply dismisses forgiveness and calls it unrealistic, undoable, nonsensical, and unfair. Instead it offers us forgiveness-to-destroy, which keeps someone guilty. It doesn’t really care whom. It can be the one you are angry with or it can be yourself, or it can even be the situation, as long as guilt is involved.

But Jesus says that forgiveness recognizes that nothing has been done to us. What is there to forgive? How do I use this form of forgiveness? I think that someone offended me and now I need to forgive him, right? No. I need to forgive the idea I am offended. I have perceived incorrectly. I have caused my own pain.

It is only a perception based on a false belief, so it can be easily dismissed as I accept a new perception based on the truth. I don’t have to discover this new perception (which I couldn’t do anyway) because when I ask for it the Holy Spirit gives me it. So really, forgiveness is the undoing of false ideas in the mind, just as is Atonement. Forgiveness and Atonement are the same thing.

As I accept my function, which is Atonement, I agree to the undoing of the ego in my mind. This facilitates complete forgiveness in which I recognize that nothing has been done to me. Now there is nothing I cannot heal.

I look at a sick body and instead of praying that the body be healed, I pray that my mind be healed. Then I look at that body and I see only the effects of a mistaken belief and I know that this is not truth. My mind is no longer clouded with guilty thoughts, or distracted by appearances.  I am not confused and so I know that what the body’s eyes show me cannot be real. My certainty heals.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-6-12

Day 126
5 A major hindrance in this aspect of his learning is the teacher of God’s fear about the validity of what he hears. And what he hears may indeed be quite startling. It may also seem to be quite irrelevant to the presented problem as he perceives it, and may, in fact, confront the teacher with a situation that appears to be very embarrassing to him. All these are judgments that have no value. They are his own, coming from a shabby self-perception which he would leave behind. Judge not the words that come to you, but offer them in confidence. They are far wiser than your own. God’s teachers have God’s Word behind their symbols. And He Himself gives to the words they use the power of His Spirit, raising them from meaningless symbols to the Call of Heaven itself. 

How very encouraging to know that the words given me have the power of Heaven behind them. How encouraging to know that I can trust these words from Spirit and speak them in absolute confidence. Now that I’ve had this experience I cannot imagine going back to teaching through the ego, that is, teaching according to what the mind understands. It feels heavy and discouraging just to think about it.

The ego only teaches from the past and even that is incomplete information. What it does know is filtered through a mind that is filled with fear and guilt, uncertainty and doubt, and so has as its primary goal the need to sustain its own sense of worth. The ego offers an unlimited number of options and then suggests the one that makes it look good.

Stepping back and allowing the words to flow from Spirit is so refreshing. Its answers are always simple, always consistent. When I speak only the words given me I don’t have to grope for the answer and I don’t worry about how it makes me look or if the answer will be accepted. It is not my business how or if it is accepted. I trust Spirit to know the bigger plan, and even if I never see the fruit of my work I don’t doubt its effect.

I have had the experience of not understanding why I was given certain words, and of wondering how on earth what I am saying makes any sense in the context of our discussion. At first when I was still learning to step back I stumbled a lot when this happened, because my mind was still involved, and while I trusted Holy Spirit to know what was needed, I didn’t trust myself to hear clearly. I was also very concerned about how I appeared to others and so this made me hesitant to say anything that would leave me looking foolish.

Just doing it anyway seemed to be the way to get through this awkward period, and my continuing desire to let go of ego helped me to move past the need to be accepted and admired. That was a big block and while it was in place it slowed the flow from Spirit. Now instead of being a boulder it’s more like little piles of stone that I notice and ask Holy Spirit to wash away.

When I teach now it is mostly a joy. I follow guidance and speak with confidence whatever I hear. The times when it doesn’t go like that it is because I have become attentive to the little self. I start teaching from the mind instead of simply accepting what is given. I start caring how I sound and how I am accepted by others. I notice that there are some times when this tends to happen more than other times.

I was with my kids last night and they don’t have any interest in anything Spiritual so I began to feel self-conscious and to speak from the little self. I noticed that I would think about how I would sound to them, and to judge what I said by those standards. Yuck. How uncomfortable that is!

Another kind of situation is one where I feel inadequate. I am presenting at the big conference next year and I have never done that before. I express myself better through writing or through one on one speaking. I think this is because I am not distracted and I am able to hear Holy Spirit more clearly. The idea of speaking in front of a large group scares me. I’m giving my willingness and trusting that by the time I have to do this, I will have grown into the occasion and will be able to set my self aside so that I can be a clear channel for Holy Spirit.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-5-12

Day 125
4 Is the teacher of God, then, to avoid the use of words in his teaching? No, indeed! There are many who must be reached through words, being as yet unable to hear in silence. The teacher of God must, however, learn to use words in a new way. Gradually, he learns how to let his words be chosen for him by ceasing to decide for himself what he will say. This process is merely a special case of the lesson in the workbook that says, “I will step back and let Him lead the way.” The teacher of God accepts the words which are offered him, and gives as he receives. He does not control the direction of his speaking. He listens and hears and speaks.

This paragraph is very clear. Yes, the Holy Spirit needs us to speak because not everyone is ready to learn without the use of words. I have found the words of other teachers to be, at first, essential. This is why I was given the Course, and then directed to teachers of the Course. Then later, I found words from teachers to be helpful in gaining more clarity, in being reminded of what I know but had forgotten.

And finally, now I notice that I read something, or am told something, and it seems to be as if a key has turned and the lock falls open. An example would be that I heard a teacher say that she had a specific experience, and quickly I begin to have the same experience. It is not a matter of following her directions, or trying to do what he did. It is not anything I do at all. I almost feel like hearing about the experience gave me permission to have the experience, or opened my mind to the possibility of having the experience. And so I do.

I have also experienced the contrast between teaching on my own as opposed to stepping back and allowing the words to be given to me. Being a clear and open channel through which the words that are needed can flow through me is vastly preferable. How do I know what anyone needs to hear? How could I possibly know what words will trigger their memory of truth?

I can always tell when I have stopped being a channel and taken over the conversation. I feel a sense of “wrongness” as I speak. I know that what I am saying is coming from me. I have had the experience of just stopping in the middle of a sentence and laughing as I say something like, “I notice that I am just telling you what I know and really, you don’t need to hear what I think I know. This is a good time to renew our prayer to ask Holy Spirit to be in charge of our time together.”

I have also had the experience of suddenly realizing that I am speaking from my self rather than Holy Spirit, and yet be so in love with my own words that I don’t stop. It doesn’t feel good, and I am always regretful. At that point I simply forgive myself and move on, this time with Holy Spirit.

It is really hard when I relate so closely to the student’s situation that I begin to believe in the problem. This interrupts the connection with Spirit. Depending on the level of confusion I am feeling I can usually work through this by offering my healing as well as the students healing to Holy Spirit and allowing the flow to continue. But sometimes I cannot.

I prefer to be very honest with my student about this. Maybe we can pray together. Maybe I can suggest someone else to work with if I am so guided. Perhaps I will be given the thought to use Accessing Inner Wisdom Counseling. This is a process of using a meditation process to help the student access their own Inner Wisdom for the answer they need. I simply act as a guide and scribe, holding a sacred place for them as they receive the guidance they need. The important thing is that if my true desire is to step back and allow my words to be chosen for me, then I will be given the means to do this.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-4-12

Day 124
3 The prayer for things of this world will bring experiences of this world. If the prayer of the heart asks for this, this will be given because this will be received. It is impossible that the prayer of the heart remain unanswered in the perception of the one who asks. If he asks for the impossible, if he wants what does not exist or seeks for illusions in his heart, all this becomes his own. The power of his decision offers it to him as he requests. Herein lie hell and Heaven. The sleeping Son of God has but this power left to him. It is enough. His words do not matter. Only the Word of God has any meaning, because it symbolizes that which has no human symbols at all. The Holy Spirit alone understands what this Word stands for. And this, too, is enough.

I can pray for things in the world and receive them, but what I pray for brings me heaven or hell. It is my decision. I am learning that I am not interested in reinforcing the illusion. More and more, I ask the Holy Spirit what it is that I want, rather than deciding myself and asking. Yesterday’s understanding of prayer has reinforced this desire in me. I now understand that my heart prays for an experience and it is the mind that translates this into a concrete desire. I am practicing asking the Holy Spirit to help me see this in my mind.

Yesterday I was working in the heat. It is the first day this year that I have worked outside when it was really hot and I haven’t acclimated to the change yet. My face was bright red, and I was sweating and feeling sluggish as the heat slowed me down. And it wasn’t near as hot as it soon will be. I wished with all my heart that I would not have to endure another summer working outside.

I realized that I was asking for something in the world. I noticed that I was asking out of fear. I also noticed that I felt like crying. I asked the Holy Spirit to show me what all this means. He showed me that I felt like crying because I didn’t believe I would receive the answer to this prayer. I didn’t feel worthy. I felt like God wanted me to suffer. That was a complete surprise, and in fact it frightened me when I had that thought. So I said it out loud to dispel the ego fear.

I knew this could not be true and yet I knew, in that moment, I truly believed it. I believed that God really was angry with his prodigal child. I asked the Holy Spirit to take that false belief from my mind and I sat there and felt it slowly dissolve. I waited and let myself feel for it but there was only a lightness where it used to be.

Then the Holy Spirit showed me that the prayer to not have to work outside this summer is the mind’s attempt to put expression to the experience the heart desires. The experience that is desired is to feel loved and cherished. Because I had believed that God wanted my sacrifice to atone for my betrayal of Him, I did not feel loved and cherished.

When I thought about it I realized that this was true. When I feel that I am suffering I often have a wish for someone to know what is happening and to care about my pain. I would think about calling people and telling them how miserable I am and they would feel bad for me and sympathize with my plight.

I have even acted on this desire, so deep was my need to feel loved. But the desire to find someone out here to care is just a reflection of my need to feel God’s forgiveness and to feel He still loves me. No one in the world can love me enough to overcome the loss I feel when I believe God does not love me, so it never really helps when I seek a stand-in for Him.

I thanked the Holy Spirit for this insight. I asked Him to heal my mind of the belief that I am judged by God and found wanting and healed of the belief that I am not loved and not loveable. I asked for the experience of my heart, and set aside the mind’s attempt to interpret that experience through its own understanding.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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