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Study of Manual for Teachers 1-25-12

Day 25

III. Tolerance
1 God’s teachers do not judge. To judge is to be dishonest, for to judge is to assume a position you do not have. Judgment without self-deception is impossible. Judgment implies that you have been deceived in your brothers. How, then, could you not have been deceived in yourself? Judgment implies a lack of trust, and trust remains the bedrock of the teacher of God’s whole thought system. Let this be lost, and all his learning goes. Without judgment are all things equally acceptable, for who could judge otherwise? Without judgment are all men brothers, for who is there who stands apart? Judgment destroys honesty and shatters trust. No teacher of God can judge and hope to learn.

As far as I can see the ego has two favorite activities, thinking and judging. The mind will think and it will judge, but I don’t have to listen to the first or believe the second. I remain very vigilant for judgment and as soon as I notice the judgment I ask the Holy Spirit to heal my mind.

When I first started to do this I felt very anxious when I would find judgments in my mind. This is self-defeating because I was judging myself for judging. Slowly, with the Holy Spirit’s help, I let go of that kind of circular thinking. Now I am happy to see the judgment because I know what to do with it.

I asked Holy spirit what He would have me know about this. He gave me the thought that I will continue to judge as long as I am interested in my judgments. So I see that I can let go of judging more quickly if I do not give my attention to the judgments. Here is how I see this working. I notice a judgment, I know that I don’t want to judge and so I lay that judgment aside.

This differs from the way I have done in the past. I would have a judgment and would think about it. In the beginning years of my practice I would think about whether it was true or not. Then later I learned that it was not my job to judge at all and so it did not matter if it was true or not true. Sometimes I would spend a lot of time looking at it from different angles. Or I would think about why I had that judgment and what I could do to avoid judging in the future.

Next I learned that it is not my job to control my thoughts, to change them or make them go away. I only need to notice my judgments with a willingness for healing. This is very simple and requires little time and no effort, only a strong desire. If it is a judgment I am particularly fond of and I am having trouble taking my attention from it, I visualize myself setting it gently upon the altar and walking away.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Study of Manual for Teachers 1/24/12

Day 24

2 The peace of mind which the advanced teachers of God experience is largely due to their perfect honesty. It is only the wish to deceive that makes for war. No one at one with himself can even conceive of conflict. Conflict is the inevitable result of self-deception, and self-deception is dishonesty. There is no challenge to a teacher of God. Challenge implies doubt, and the trust on which God’s teachers rest secure makes doubt impossible. Therefore they can only succeed. In this, as in all things, they are honest. They can only succeed, because they never do their will alone. They choose for all mankind; for all the world and all things in it; for the unchanging and unchangeable beyond appearances; and for the Son of God and his Creator. How could they not succeed? They choose in perfect honesty, sure of their choice as of themselves.
 

What jumped out at me is the sentence that said;

No one at one with himself can even conceive of conflict.

The reason this caught my attention is that it perfectly describes our state in this illusion. Not only is everything I see in a state of separation, I myself am in a state of separation. The ego personification of Myron is just a gathering of disparate pieces brought together to appear as one. But what is different cannot be one.

As an example of what this means, I thought of all the ways I might describe the personality Myron.

I am honest.
I am dishonest.
I am sad.
I am happy.
I am kind.
I am cruel.
I am forgiving.
I hold onto grievances.

Everything in that short list is true and everything in it conflicts with something else. And each of those has a host of beliefs behind them, each bolstered with their own stories to make them more real to me.

For instance, I notice I feel sad and so my mind starts scrambling for a story to explain the sadness. I realize my son hasn’t called me in two weeks. So I believe he needs to call me. I feel unloved because he has not called me. I think of reasons he didn’t call me and eventually I get to the one where I was not a good mother and now I think I am worthless.

If I feel bad enough the mind starts scrambling to find someplace else to put the blame and I can get a good story going about what a sorry son he is to ignore me after all I’ve done for him. Its funny if looked at with openness, but not so funny if believed. Conflict is painful. It is suffering.

The solution seems to be that I disown all that is not truly Me. As I lay aside the beliefs that make the many facets of my little self, what is left is Self and without all the incongruent aspects within my mind I will be at peace, and this is the honesty Jesus is talking about.

As I lay aside all that is not love knowing it cannot be me, then what is left is only love. From within this state if my son called me I would love it. If he didn’t call me I would love it. There would be nothing but love because that is what I am and all I am, so there would be nothing to experience but love. That is honesty.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Study of Manual for Teachers 1/23/12

<strong>Day 23

II. Honesty
1 All other traits of God’s teachers rest on trust. Once that has been achieved, the others cannot fail to follow. Only the trusting can afford honesty, for only they can see its value. Honesty does not apply only to what you say. The term actually means consistency. There is nothing you say that contradicts what you think or do; no thought opposes any other thought; no act belies your word; and no word lacks agreement with another. Such are the truly honest. At no level are they in conflict with themselves. Therefore it is impossible for them to be in conflict with anyone or anything.  </strong>

At one time, I thought I was very close to achieving the final level of trust. By this time my desire to know God was very strong. I had spent years being vigilant for the thoughts in my mind with a willingness to be corrected. As soon as I felt any kind of conflict in my mind, I took it to the Holy Spirit and it seldom took long for me to let it go. But when I read this section on honesty, I knew I had not come as far as I thought.

As soon as I read that the term actually means consistency I was intrigued, and when I read the rest I knew that this was not true for me.

There is nothing you say that contradicts what you think or do…

As soon as I read this statement I realized that I am not honest. I repeat many things from the Course that I want to be true for me, but my words and actions are not always in accord. I was shopping last night to the background of a baby screaming his head off. I had thoughts about the mom needing to give it up and take that miserably unhappy child home.

Now that may have been true, but the meaning behind that thought was a judgment. I was really thinking that a “good” mother would take her child home. I didn’t say those words even in my head because I’m a good Course student and I know that she is innocent, but I obviously don’t believe it.

There was an inconsistency between my thoughts. I didn’t actually say any of these words out loud, but I said them to myself and I saw the inconsistency. I am not so interested in asking the Holy Spirit to heal my words, but rather I am asking that the belief from which the words came be healed.

I obviously do not see this woman as innocent. I see her as guilty compared with someone who is innocent and so I am teaching myself separation. I feel annoyed with her because she reminds me of myself when I was in her position, shopping with a young child. I did not live up to my own expectations and felt guilty for it and now I am projecting this old guilt onto her. I don’t want to teach guilt and so learn it, and yet, that is what I am doing. Inconsistency.

My lack of peace while shopping was not caused by a baby crying, but rather from my thoughts about the baby crying. My thoughts were inconsistent, which means my beliefs were inconsistent, and so I was conflicted. I was at war in my mind, and that was the cause of my unease.

I could allow this recognition to upset and discourage me, and at one time that is exactly what would happen and the war in my mind would escalate. Last night’s incidence was different than it once would be, though. I am aware that I am not yet honest. I am happy to see the opportunities to look at the thoughts that point to inconsistent beliefs.

I am willing that all my beliefs be consistent with the truth, and so when I notice a thought that is not true I am glad to have found it. That, at least, is an honest statement.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Study of Manual for Teachers 1/22/12

Day 22

6 And finally, there is “a period of achievement.” It is here that learning is consolidated. Now what was seen as merely shadows before become solid gains, to be counted on in all “emergencies” as well as tranquil times. Indeed, the tranquility is their result; the outcome of honest learning, consistency of thought and full transfer. This is the stage of real peace, for here is Heaven’s state fully reflected. From here, the way to Heaven is open and easy. In fact, it is here. Who would “go” anywhere, if peace of mind is already complete? And who would seek to change tranquility for something more desirable? What could be more desirable than this?

I have periods of undisturbed peace and I have times when joy simply wells up in me, joy that is not attached to anything, that simply is. The peace and the joy don’t last for a long time. I will suddenly feel anxious or sad or guilty. There seemed always to be a reason for this, something that happened in my life that pulled me out of this happy state.

As I was reading this paragraph I remembered that this cannot be the case. I don’t actually react to what happens in my life. What happens in my life is a direct result of what happens in my mind. I then create the fiction that I don’t know why life picks on me, and I am just the innocent victim of circumstances. But I know better, even as I lie to myself there is a place in me that knows better. I alone am responsible for everything in my life, so it must be that I kicked myself out of paradise. Again.

I’ve been teaching from The Obstacles to Peace, specifically, The Fear of God, and this week we were on The Lifting of the Veil. We stand before the veil that seems to hide from us the face of Christ, and yet we do not move it aside. We stand trembling in terror at the fear of God. And yet, this is what we have come for, to move the veil aside and remember God.

What remains undone? How do we overcome the fear of God? This is what the Course tells us.

Before complete forgiveness you still stand unforgiving. You are afraid of God because you fear your brother. Those you do not forgive you fear. And no one reaches love with fear beside him.

And so I see that my learning is not complete, my beliefs are not consistent. I still look on my brother from time to time and see him as the enemy. I look at him with the body’s eyes and believe what they tell me, completely forgetting that they only report back to me what I want to see.

Holy Spirit, I want only to wake up from this crazy dream. I want to know my brother as he is, not as I have had him be. Please help me to see when I forget my purpose. Please help me to remember that I need forgiveness of my brother, for I will share in madness or in Heaven together. And I will raise my eyes in faith together, or not at all.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Study of Manual for Teachers 1/21/12

Day 21

5 The next stage is indeed “a period of unsettling.” Now must the teacher of God understand that he did not really know what was valuable and what was valueless. All that he really learned so far was that he did not want the valueless, and that he did want the valuable. Yet his own sorting out was meaningless in teaching him the difference. The idea of sacrifice, so central to his own thought system, had made it impossible for him to judge. He thought he learned willingness, but now he sees that he does not know what the willingness is for. And now he must attain a state that may remain impossible to reach for a long, long time. He must learn to lay all judgment aside, and ask only what he really wants in every circumstance. Were not each step in this direction so heavily reinforced, it would be hard indeed!

I cannot imagine how hard this step would be without Heavenly help. It is hard enough as it is. Jesus says that sacrifice is central to our thought system and I have learned that this is true, and am learning that it does not have to remain true. I am being guided out of suffering as I do my practices.

I began by learning to be aware of my thoughts so that I could realize how egocentric they were and become willing to be healed. I seemed to be sorting them out, separating what was valuable from what was valueless, and to some degree I was. But as Jesus says, I was not a good judge because I still believed in sacrifice, and this prevented me from choosing correctly.

Another error I made at first was to misunderstand my role. I thought it was my job to think differently, that is, to control my thoughts. This is not possible and only caused suffering. My task was not to control thinking, but only to notice that my thoughts were not my true thoughts, and to relinquish these thoughts to the Holy Spirit for correction.

What I learned during this period of sorting out was that I was not good at it, and that I needed help. I began by telling Holy Spirit, “Here is a belief that I have judged as valueless. Please correct it.” Over time I began to withdraw all judgment and asked the Holy Spirit to judge for me.  I would say, “Here is a belief. Is it valuable?”

I have spent a long period of getting used to this way of practicing. The ego mind is very resistant to giving up what it considers is its domain. It wants to judge and will do so all the time without regard to the lack of helpfulness. I am learning to disregard its judgments.

At the beginning of this step my willingness was still pretty weak and I have spent this time strengthening that willingness through desire. Willingness is not a matter of effort or doing, and the ego finds this confusing. It wants to do something to make all this happen and so I remain vigilant noticing when the ego mind is taking over and letting that effort go.

In NTI, the Holy Spirit encourages us to become empty vessels through which He can communicate. I do this as I learn to disregard thoughts in the mind and experience more and more silence. As I have been able to give up ego thinking, my true thoughts, the thoughts I think with God, rise up in my mind without any effort on my part. I do not think them, really; I simply become aware of them.

I am a beginner, a toddler taking my first shaky steps. My mind is quieter and I am more peaceful, but I still have a ways to go before I am that empty vessel. I am learning not to struggle. I will achieve each step in its own time. I must remind myself frequently that there is nothing for me to do to make this happen faster except to desire it, to be willing for it, and to disregard the ego’s temper tantrums when I relinquish judgment and control.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

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