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Chapter 16: The Forgiveness of Illusions, I. True Empathy, P 3. 1-20-20

Chapter 16: I. True Empathy P 3
T-16.I.3. Your part is only to remember this; you do not want anything you value to come of a relationship. 2 You choose neither to hurt it nor to heal it in your own way. 3 You do not know what healing is. 4 All you have learned of empathy is from the past. 5 And there is nothing from the past that you would share, for there is nothing from the past that you would keep. 6 Do not use empathy to make the past real, and so perpetuate it. 7 Step gently aside, and let healing be done for you. 8 Keep but one thought in mind and do not lose sight of it, however tempted you may be to judge any situation, and to determine your response by judging it. 9 Focus your mind only on this:

10 I am not alone, and I would not intrude the past upon my Guest.
11 I have invited Him, and He is here.
12 I need do nothing except not to interfere.

Journal
I used to say that relationships are hard. This is because I was trying to define the relationship and to control it so that it became something I thought I wanted. My relationships always suffered from my efforts to do this and so I was always working on them until I gave up and let them go. But then there were the relationships with my children. I couldn’t give up on them, and didn’t know what to do to repair them.

My problem was that I was always trying to heal the rifts that were there or that I imagined were there. But I didn’t know how to do this. I would hear my child say something that felt like an attack and then I would think of ways I had failed them in the past and I would feel like they were justified in their attack. I would try to do something to make up for the past but nothing seemed to work. I always felt separated from their love.

Eventually, I stepped aside from my desire to fix my relationships and from my desire to make up for past errors. I stepped aside and allowed the Holy Spirit to correct and heal. A strange thing happened. My children showered me with love. I didn’t do anything outwardly to cause this. Honestly, I think there was nothing wrong with the relationships in the first place. It was my guilt for imagined wrongs that was haunting me and overshadowing what was right before me.

Sure, I made lots of mistakes in the past and many of those mistakes involved my children, but I was the only one keeping score. Evidently, I was the only one who was judging me. My judgment of myself and my belief that my past sins were affecting my present relationships kept me from seeing what was right before me. Because of my distorted vision, I could not do anything to heal my mind and thus my relationships, but the Holy Spirit sees clearly and knows the truth about us. Stepping back and letting Him do His job corrected my thinking and healed my mind and what I discovered was love everywhere I looked.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Manual for Teachers, Development of Trust, P 5. 1-16-20

A. Development of Trust, P 5
M-4.1.A.5 The third stage through which the teacher of God must go can be called “a period of relinquishment.” If this is interpreted as giving up the desirable, it will engender enormous conflict. Few teachers of God escape this distress entirely. There is, however, no point in sorting out the valuable from the valueless unless the next obvious step is taken. Therefore, the period of overlap is apt to be one in which the teacher of God feels called upon to sacrifice his own best interests on behalf of truth. He has not realized as yet how wholly impossible such a demand would be. He can learn this only as he actually does give up the valueless. Through this, he learns that where he anticipated grief, he finds a happy light-heartedness instead; where he thought something was asked of him, he finds a gift bestowed on him.

Studying A Course in Miracles I have come to appreciate how Peter felt when Jesus called him to get out of the boat and walk on the water toward him. And like Peter, I have often stepped out onto the water only to become overcome by fear and to sink back into the ego, doubt and uncertainty seeming to pull me under.

But what I did was to recognize my mistake in choosing the ego as my advisor and my interpreter. I would then choose again, though reporting this makes it seem simple and easy. It may have been simple but it was hardly easy. Giving up the idea that I was making my own choices outside either ego or Holy Spirit was hard. At first, it felt dangerous to consciously submit even to the Holy Spirit. What did He know about my happiness and about what was important to me?

Eventually, though, as my willingness grew from repeated practices, I began to surrender willingly, recognizing that, after all, Jesus was right. Everything is in my best interests. More and more frequently, I let go of trying to direct my life. Eventually, I came to understand that this charade I call my life was just a way to closely observe the effects of the beliefs I held, and that relinquishing a belief that brought me suffering was not a sacrifice at all.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Chapter 16: The Forgiveness of Illusions, I. True Empathy, P 2. 1-16-20

I. True Empathy P 2
T-16.I.2. The clearest proof that empathy as the ego uses it is destructive lies in the fact that it is applied only to certain types of problems and in certain people. 2 These it selects out, and joins with. 3 And it never joins except to strengthen itself. 4 Having identified with what it thinks it understands, the ego sees itself and would increase itself by sharing what is like itself. 5 Make no mistake about this maneuver; the ego always empathizes to weaken, and to weaken is always to attack. 6 You do not know what empathizing means. 7 Yet of this you may be sure; if you will merely sit quietly by and let the Holy Spirit relate through you, you will empathize with strength, and will gain in strength and not in weakness.

Journal
I’m thinking of how I might empathize through the ego. If I am told by a friend that her mother died and I feel a pang of loss myself and share that feeling of loss with her, perhaps talking about my own loss, that would be empathizing with the ego. I would be forming a special relationship, bonding through loss and pain, which would weaken us both.

So, how might I express true empathy? Perhaps, I would tell her I am sorry to hear that, and ask her when it happened so that she would feel invited to talk if that is what she needs. Perhaps I would invite her to share stories about her mother, again, so that she will feel invited to talk about her mom. I would remain open to Spirit to know what is needed and what would be truly helpful, strengthening us both.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Chapter 16: The Forgiveness of Illusions, I. True Empathy. 1-16-20

Chapter 16: The Forgiveness of Illusions
I. True Empathy
T-16.I.1. To empathize does not mean to join in suffering, for that is what you must refuse to understand. 2 That is the ego’s interpretation of empathy, and is always used to form a special relationship in which the suffering is shared. 3 The capacity to empathize is very useful to the Holy Spirit, provided you let Him use it in His way. 4 His way is very different. 5 He does not understand suffering, and would have you teach it is not understandable. 6 When He relates through you, He does not relate through your ego to another ego. 7 He does not join in pain, understanding that healing pain is not accomplished by delusional attempts to enter into it, and lighten it by sharing the delusion.

Journal
I used to think that empathy was to relate to the problem and to express that to the person who had the problem. For instance, if someone lost a loved one, I would agree with them how very hard this is and I would cry with them because their grief triggered my fear of loss.  I catch myself doing this very thing sometimes even now that I know better. I am always surprised at myself when I choose to form a special relationship through shared suffering. In doing this, I would be strengthening the belief in suffering for both of us. That is just plain crazy.

The question becomes, how do I relate to someone who is suffering? It would seem cruel not to respond at all and I’m not foolish enough to believe this is the time and place to talk to them about illusions. The solution is the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is in my mind and will give me the words to say if I ask and then pause long enough to receive them. I sometimes do funerals and, of course, I go to funerals, more of them than before now that I am older. So, it is important to me that I follow Holy Spirit’s guidance.

When I am talking to a Course student, it is a little different. My assumption when a fellow student comes to me with a problem, they are hoping to receive some guidance from Holy Spirit through me. I will speak to them differently than I do with someone else but, again, I ask first so that what I share will be helpful. I do feel empathy in both cases because I have both grieved and been confused.

If I feel more than empathy, if I feel sympathy or a desire to share their suffering, I give it to the Holy Spirit and then I ask for words to share with the one in front of me. If I need to revisit the issue later, I do that when I am alone. One of the things I have noticed is that with grief, sometimes all that is required of me is a hug. And with other problems sometimes all that is needed from me is a listening ear. The important thing for me to remember is that my part is to be there, to be open and receptive. Knowing what to say or do is the Holy Spirit’s part.

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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Text XI. Christmas as the End of Sacrifice P 10, Manual for Teachers 4. Trust.2. 1-6-20

Text
XI. Christmas as the End of Sacrifice P 10
T-15.XI.10. This is the time in which a new year will soon be born from the time of Christ. 2 I have perfect faith in you to do all that you would accomplish. 3 Nothing will be lacking, and you will make complete and not destroy. 4 Say, then, to your brother:

5 I give you to the Holy Spirit as part of myself.
6 I know that you will be released, unless I want to use you to imprison myself.
7 In the name of my freedom I choose your release, because I recognize that we will be released together.

8 So will the year begin in joy and freedom. 9 There is much to do, and we have been long delayed. 10 Accept the holy instant as this year is born, and take your place, so long left unfulfilled, in the Great Awakening. 11 Make this year different by making it all the same. 12 And let all your relationships be made holy for you. 13 This is our will. 14 Amen.

Journal
What a wonderful way to end the year! What a plan for 2020! I am determined that this is the year I will have. Actually, I just expect that this is the year I will have. I am taking my place in the Great Awakening. I am certain that all my relationships will be made holy for me. I know I will do my part. I gladly release my brothers and accept my own release. I can’t imagine anything else occurring. This is, indeed, our will.

Right now, I can’t imagine holding anyone prisoner to my grievances, but if that were to occur, I have this perfect prayer of release and I appreciate Jesus for this gift. What has helped me to get to where I am now, to be at peace and to feel the love of God in me and moving through me, was to live this process without exception. Sure, I had grievances and there were people and situations that I judged. I judged myself as harshly as I did anyone else. But I never kept the judgment. I kept going to Holy Spirit and asking for a healed mind.

I did it as often as I needed to. I learned not to feel guilty for the dark thoughts in my mind, and, instead, I learned to feel grateful that I found them so that I could be corrected. I made the peace of God my only goal, and I never made an exception when it came to forgiveness. Everyone is forgiven and everyone is innocent. That is how I discovered that I am forgiven and I am innocent. What a life this has been. I am so grateful.

Manual for Teachers
A. Development of Trust, P 2
2 Next, the teacher of God must go through “a period of sorting out.” This is always somewhat difficult because, having learned that the changes in his life are always helpful, he must now decide all things on the basis of whether they increase the helpfulness or hamper it. He will find that many, if not most of the things he valued before will merely hinder his ability to transfer what he has learned to new situations as they arise. Because he has valued what is really valueless, he will not generalize the lesson for fear of loss and sacrifice. It takes great learning to understand that all things, events, encounters and circumstances are helpful. It is only to the extent to which they are helpful that any degree of reality should be accorded them in this world of illusion. The word “value” can apply to nothing else.

For me, the period of sorting out was mostly me arguing for what I wanted to keep. The hardest thing for me to relinquish was the desire to project blame. I really thought I needed this and that it was of great value to me. I didn’t put it in those words of course but I would argue that circumstances proved that it was clearly someone else’s fault and so, in this case, I was the victim.

My ex-husband was a heavy drinker and would often go out with his buddies and not come back until the early hours. I would not know where he was or if he was ok. I would imagine him driving drunk and getting into a wreck, maybe leaving the road and hitting a tree, sitting injured in the car unable to help himself. Many a night I lay awake playing out this nightmare in my imagination.

I would go through all the scenarios in my head and also through all the emotions. I would be afraid for him, afraid for us if he was injured or died. I would feel resentful and angry, thinking how unfair this was, and how unloving that he would put me through this. I could not see how this could be anything but his fault. I wasn’t the one who was behaving so thoughtlessly and I wasn’t the one who was causing so much grief for his family.

What had to be done to get out of this nightmare of my own making was to look past the apparent circumstances to the truth. He is innocent. I am innocent. No matter what it might look like, and no matter how I might feel, this is the truth. While circumstances shift appearances, our innocence remains the only true and unchanging fact.

From that place of clarity I was able to see that my reluctance to withdraw my projections and accept responsibility for how I felt was the result of thinking that having him to project onto was too valuable to give up. I really wanted my feelings to be caused by his behavior and the circumstances I found myself in. I was as afraid of giving up projecting blame as I would be if asked to look at my own mind, to recognize that it was my thoughts that were hurting me, not his behavior.

I had to go through many such scenarios before I was fully convinced that there is no value in projecting blame. Now the temptation never arises. I know that this story is not my reality and not anyone else’s reality. We are all here living out our scripts as if it is real so that we can look at our beliefs and make a decision as to what we want to continue believing and what we want to release. That is all that’s happening here. There is no way anyone could be guilty of that. It is our purpose.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

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