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Gentle Healing Journal Lesson 75. 1-2-19

LESSON 75
The light has come.

“The light has come. I am healed and I can heal. The light has come. I am saved and I can save. I am at peace, and I bring peace with me wherever I go. Darkness and turmoil and death have disappeared. The light has come.”

This is my prayer for today, one I will repeat often. It is not a prayer in the sense of something I don’t have and wish for. It is the truth and just a fact that is irrefutable except in illusions, and what is the point in believing in illusions. The light has come and I am so grateful this is true. May I see only the light.

How has the light come? It comes because I have forgiven the world. I don’t want to burden the world with more unforgiveness. I don’t want to dim the light in even one mind with an unforgiving thought. I have been at the computer since early this morning so I got up to rest my eyes and stretch my legs. As I walked through the house, I saw so many unfinished projects, so much that need to be done. I felt guilty for not doing them and overwhelmed at the sheer volume of work undone. I also felt the light dim with these thoughts. Oops! Never mind, house. You will be dealt with in time.

Today, I have no interest in dark thoughts because, today, the light has come and I am rejoicing!

“From this time forth you will see differently.”

Holy Spirit, I know that I cannot fail to see the light today. I cannot fail to see the world differently. I cannot fail because I trust in You and You have told me that the light has come. I will not be tempted into the darkness.

“I dedicate this day to the serenity in which God would have me be. I Keep it in my awareness of myself and see it everywhere today, as I celebrate the beginning of my vision and the sight of the real world, which has come to replace the unforgiven world I thought was real.”

Regina’s Tips on this lesson
Read this lesson slowly at least 3 times today.
That’s it. That’s my tip. Love

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Gentle Healing Journal Lesson 74. 1-1-19

LESSON 74
There is no will but God’s.

“The idea for today can be regarded as the central thought toward which all our exercises are directed. God’s is the only Will.”

Acknowledging this is the way to perfect peace. For instance, if I have the thought that I need more money, I know this is not a real thought because it is not the will of God that I experience lack in any way. It doesn’t mean I can’t experience lack. If I believe in lack that is what I will know.

What it does mean is that I have accepted a conflicting thought as if it is true, but I can change my mind. If I know that God’s Will is abundance and if I know that His is the only Will, then I know my will is abundance as well, and abundance will be my only experience. Even if I seem not to have money, my mind will interpret the situation differently and it won’t feel like poverty.

Even more importantly, is the realization that since there is only God’s Will, what has been made with the ego mind cannot exist because it is not God’s Will. And, since there is only God’s Will, the world cannot exist for me, either, because I cannot have a will apart from the only will that exists and so I could not have willed this world into existence.
When I look at this computer and the fingers on the keyboard and the words appearing on the screen, I realize this is not happening. It could not happen because it is not God’s Will that I be separate from Him.

And yet, since I see myself here, I am grateful that what does not exist is being used to bring me to this realization. As I take in the truth that the idea of Myron is an illusion, I feel happier within the illusion. Is that strange? Maybe not. Maybe it is like enjoying acting in a play, or enjoying an interesting book. It would stop being fun if I forgot I was acting or reading and thought it was happening to me. I want to remember that only God’s Will exists and God’s Will is my will. How different this life will seem, then.

Regina’s Tips for this lesson.
God’s will is what you are, life-awareness-intelligence-open-freedom. You are that, and in being that you are God’s will.
The funny thing is, you can’t stop being that (even though you can deny you are that), so you can’t stop being God’s will.
You are God’s will.

My Thoughts
I know that this must have been a little scary or unbelievable at one time, but now I love these words. I long for them to be all that I believe. Mostly they are, but not entirely. I mean, I believe they are true, but I still act as if they are not. For instance, when I am afraid for myself or someone else, I obviously think that I am separate from God’s Will.

More from Regina
This is the same teaching that we find in NTI 1 Thessalonians:

“When fear intrudes on peace, you will hear it if you are listening. There will seem to be a slight upset, a stab thrust upon your peace, and an immediate desire to deny the thought or feeling that has intruded on your peace. … Do not accept temptation to deny the interruptions to peace. Pick them up and look at them in joy. For you have recognized that which you were tempted to deny. Do not deny the thought that has occurred, and do not accept it. Set it aside because it is not true. And continue joyously on the path of peace.”

Today’s workbook lesson and NTI 1 Thessalonians outline the practice that heals our mind.
1. Look at it.
2. Let it go.
And if you do that with joy or with the heart, it will be twice as effective.

My Thoughts
I have used this method for a long time. I look at it and let it go. However, I did not always do so in joy. I used to do it as if it was the hardest thing ever and as if I could possibly fail and that I might fail and then I would surely be condemned. Joy is much better. ~smile~ I do it in confidence now, knowing that I cannot fail in what is the Will of God and is my will.

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Gentle Healing Journal Lesson 73. 12-31-18

LESSON 73
I will there be light.

Jesus explains to us the difference between the ego’s idle wishes and the will we share with God. Because the ego’s idle wishes are not shared, they have no power. We can use them to make the world as we see it, but it cannot make anything real. Because we believe in what we make with these wishes, it seems real to us, but it is not. It is just an illusion.

“Idle wishes and grievances are partners or co-makers in picturing the world you see.”

Our wishes give rise to this world and the ego’s need for grievances people it with figures that seem to attack and call for “righteous judgment.” When we look at our brothers what we see instead of the beautiful beings they are, are these figures we made to carry out the ego’s wishes. This is why we have to give up grievances if we want to see what is actually there. No matter how beautiful and how loving our brothers are, we will see only enemies until we release all grievances.

On the other hand, the will we share with God has all the power of creation in it because it is shared. While wishes bring us war and suffering just by their very nature, creation brings us love and light, happiness and peace. Because we share the power of creation with God, we can reason that what we create with Him is also in Him. Would God create what would cause Him to suffer? Clearly, He had nothing to do with the world we made.

I talk to and read about people who have reached the light we have been trying for in these lessons. They see the world so differently than we do. I want that, badly. Jesus says that is not Heaven, but the light of Heaven shines on it, and it shines from us. This can only mean that the light of Heaven is in us and can be found there.

“Your picture of the world can only mirror what is within.”

Whatever we see when we look at the world is just a reflection of what we see when we look within. If we see darkness, it is because we hold grievances still. This is not what we want. I have given up nearly all grievances because I don’t want them anymore. It really is that simple. What I no longer want is no longer part of me. This morning it came to me that anything that is not loving is a grievance. It is a grievance against God. It seems I still have some work to do, but I am way ahead of it because I know what I want now.

The following is a clear and firm declaration of freedom and one I accept as my own.

“7 I will succeed today if I remember that I want salvation for myself. I want to accept God’s plan because I share in it. I have no will that can really oppose it, and I do not want to do so. Salvation is for me. Above all else, I want the freedom to remember who I really am. Today it is the ego that stands powerless before my will. My will is free, and nothing can prevail against it.”

Regina’s Tips for this Lesson

Today we cross a threshold. We have stepped into a new level of commitment within ourselves. We are more willing for truth-realization today than we were yesterday.

Now we know that we crave pain and suffering, regardless of whether we experience that as grievances, stress, arrogance, unworthiness, guilt, jealousy, anger, suspiciousness, self-hatred, fear, worry, inertia, or whatever. We also know that we want happiness-love-freedom more than we want suffering. It is the latter realization that has ushered us across the threshold to a deeper commitment.

That’s today’s tip. We are more committed now. This has happened naturally as we have practiced the workbook lessons one day at a time. Today’s deeper commitment is one miracle in a series of miracles that are bringing us home.

My thoughts

I can only agree. I am more committed now than ever before. I want to awaken. I want to be free of the belief in the ego as self. I want to be free of suffering. Above all else, I want the freedom to remember who I am.

NTI 1 Thessalonians Chapter 1

This is a short but powerful chapter that is a perfect follow up to this lesson. It assures us that we are not alone in our commitment to awakening. It begins by telling us this: “In peace, I come to guide you. Through peace, it is I that you shall know.” I said that I am committed to my awakening and, that above all else, I want the freedom to remember who I am. In this chapter He tells us:

“It is through peace that I come into your mind, and so it is through peace that you come to Me there. Welcome Me there in peace, with joy and gratitude. For I come upon you to remind you of That Which you Are.”

I do feel deeply grateful for all the help I am given.

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Gentle Healing Journal Lesson 72. 12-26-18

LESSON 72
Holding grievances is an attack on God’s plan for salvation.

“While we have recognized that the ego’s plan for salvation is the opposite of God’s, we have not yet emphasized that it is an active attack on His plan, and a deliberate attempt to destroy it.”

I suspect that this is where the unconscious guilt comes into play. Somewhere deeply buried in our mind is the knowledge that we are actively attacking God with each grievance we hold. Oh, yes, the unconscious guilt continues to pile up and we continue to avoid bringing it to the surface. That is, we ignore it or project it until we are ready to awaken.

“The ego’s fundamental wish is to replace God. In fact, the ego is the physical embodiment of that wish.”

Eeek! And yet, here we are safe from retaliation. I guess that means God is not the vengeful being we have made him out to be. Perhaps He is Love as Jesus has described Him. Perhaps we have not actually succeeded in our plan to separate from God and take His place. I think that the whole idea is preposterous and just more ego lies.

Nevertheless, we did make the idea of a body to house our spirit, and we do use it to appear separate from God. The body does seem to limit communication and we do act as if this is an ideal situation. After all, the body has a mouth and ears and so it seems as if we have also succeeded in developing our own method of communication. But this communication is limited to what each body decides to share.

How different this is from true communication as God would have it be. In true communication there are no words to stumble over and misunderstand. There is no desire to limit what is known and so all know all. In God there is unbroken union through unbroken communication.

“Although the attempt to keep the limitations that a body would impose is obvious here, it is perhaps not so apparent why holding grievances is an attack on God’s plan for salvation. But let us consider the kinds of things you are apt to hold grievances for. Are they not always associated with something a body does? A person says something you do not like. He does something that displeases you. He “betrays” his hostile thoughts in his behavior.”

We don’t treat each other as if we are one. We treat each person as if he is the body he has manifested. We judge him for what is done in the body, and so instead of freeing him, we hold him guilty for his behavior as such. And if the Son is a body, so must the Father be that as well.

“If God is a body, what must His plan for salvation be? What could it be but death?”

I know that this is the way we think. Don’t our churches teach us about a God of vengeance? Doesn’t death stalk us from the moment we enter the world and isn’t death as sure as taxes? The ego’s answer to this is that we must embrace the little we have and take whatever gifts the body has to offer. The ego tells us that the body is the death of God and it is our savior.

“But while the body stands at the center of your concept of yourself, you are attacking God’s plan for salvation, and holding your grievances against Him and His creation, that you may not hear the Voice of truth and welcome It as Friend. Your chosen savior takes His place instead. It is your friend; He is your enemy.”

This is why we must let go of the insane idea that we are the body. The body is just a concept and all its stories are just that, stories made up in our minds and acted out in our minds, and witnessed in our minds. We are the observer of ego ideas being played out as if they were really happening and happening to us and by us. If we continue to identify with the body and to glorify it, we will see it as our savior and God will be seen as our enemy.

Fortunately, we are not trying to save ourselves. Salvation has already been accomplished. We are just trying to accept our salvation. This is why we are going to the trouble to learn about concepts that have already been undone. We are merely convincing ourselves that we want to be saved so that we can accept that it is done.

I will be determined to hear God’s plan for salvation and to accept His plan. I will listen for His answer, not only today but at all times until this thing is done and I remember who I am. Then I will know God.

Regina’s Tip on this lesson.

The body is literally the physical embodiment of the ego, the idea of “me.” The body reinforces that idea by craving specific chemicals, and we reinforce the body’s cravings with the thoughts and perceptions we decide to cast our attention on.

Obviously, we need to be liberated from this body-me attachment.

Just like any addict, we cannot depend on the addicted self to free us from the addiction. It wants the addiction too badly, even if the addiction is terribly painful. We need to look for help from clarity, which is the non-addicted Self within, the deeper parts of the ocean of our Self.

Today’s workbook lesson is an important part of the process of being liberated from “me” and “the body.” Today we realize the addicted self cannot liberate itself, and we ask the clear Self to help. Specifically we say, “I do not know. Tell me, that I may understand.” In this way we open up to receive the realizations we need to receive in any way our clear
Self can find to reach us. That means there are no limits on how this clarity may get our attention. We give it permission to come by any means, and we open ourselves to receive it.

My thoughts
Regina uses the ideas from What the Bleep to show how the body becomes addicted to ideas that are given consistent attention. She also points out that we cannot go to the addict to get free of addiction, so we need help from our clear Self, or as the Course calls it, the Holy Spirit. This is why I do my part, that is I notice what is happening and I choose differently. Then I allow my Higher Self or the Holy Spirit, to do Its part and liberate me from the body identification.

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Gentle Healing Journal Day 75. 12-21-18

Journal for Day 75
LESSON 71

Only God’s plan for salvation will work.

If you have ever felt like you just could not forgive a grievance or found it so hard to do so that it took a long time, you might wonder why that is. I did. Oh, at first, I thought it was hard to forgive because of the nature of the wrong, but later, as I began to understand that all grievances are different expressions of the same one and that all grievances must be released, I was confused at my stubbornness.

I understand now why it is that I had trouble letting them go for a while even after making the decision to do so. There are two plans for salvation in my mind. The Holy Spirit has a plan, but so does the ego. It’s pretty simple really. Here is the ego’s plan.

“2 The ego’s plan for salvation centers around holding grievances. It maintains that, if someone else spoke or acted differently, if some external circumstance or event were changed, you would be saved. Thus, the source of salvation is constantly perceived as outside yourself. Each grievance you hold is a declaration, and an assertion in which you believe, that says, “If this were different, I would be saved.” The change of mind necessary for salvation is thus demanded of everyone and everything except yourself.”

So the ego’s solution to our problem is to make someone or something else the blame for it and then to change the guilty party. And good luck with that! As Dr. Phil would say, “And how’s that working for you?” We all know the answer to that question. It doesn’t work. Even if we manage to change something in the world that makes us feel better for a while, something else will pop up, or the original problem will come back, or the one we changed will resent us and then we have to save ourselves from that.

“3 The role assigned to your own mind in this plan, then, is simply to determine what, other than itself, must change if you are to be saved. According to this insane plan, any perceived source of salvation is acceptable provided that it will not work. This ensures that the fruitless search will continue, for the illusion persists that, although this hope has always failed, there is still grounds for hope in other places and in other things. Another person will yet serve better; another situation will yet offer success.”

It is hopeless, and of course, this is the ego’s plan to seek but do not find. It is never going to work because we are looking where the answer cannot be found. But there is another plan in our mind, one that will work. This lesson tells us to ask God to reveal His plan to us. Ask Him very specifically:

“What would You have me do?
Where would You have me go?
What would You have me say, and to whom?”

“He will answer in proportion to your willingness to hear His Voice.”

This is a good question to ask frequently. It is a good question to ask if one is having trouble releasing a grievance or wanting to release a grievance. It represents for me, full surrender. I surrender my efforts to save myself. Here I am, God. What now?

Another way to understand the two plans in our mind.
If I use the teaching of The Code (https://awakening-together.org/the-code/) I can see that I have two programs running in my mind. One program I can call separation, the other program I can call the Atonement. Separation and Atonement are completely different, and in fact, are opposed.

Living with both has caused chaos in my mind and thus in my life. I want to get rid of one and keep the other. I cannot completely rid myself of the Atonement program because it was installed in such a way as to be permanent. But I can rid myself of the separation program because it was never meant to be permanent. So what I am doing is removing separation code every time I see it because I no longer want it.

I like this idea because it helps me to see that there is no reason for guilt. What kind of programmer would feel guilty for finding code to a program she no longer cares about and wants to remove? In fact, finding destructive code in the system and removing it for all of us would make me something of a hero. ~smile~

Regina’s Tip for this lesson
Regina’s tips today were really excellent. They included an example of how she used the method Jesus gave us in this lesson. I highly recommend reading the entire tip. But the following is the part I want to emphasize for myself.

In today’s workbook lesson, we are instructed to ask God,
“What would You have me do? Where would You have me go?
What would You have me say, and to whom?”

In my experience, it is entirely possible that you will hear something when you ask these questions, and it is entirely possible that you won’t. However, either situation can be a success. Let me explain how.

When something was weighing on my mind, such as a grievance or fear, a time of quiet ‘asking for guidance’ led me to see the situation differently. I received guidance regarding my mind in the situation. When this type of guidance came, I wrote it down. It doesn’t matter if it was brief or a long conversation with God, I found writing it down helpful so I could reflect on it, accept it, and follow it.

However, if there was nothing weighing on my mind, I usually did not receive guidance during a quiet time of ‘asking.’ Instead, I felt peace or devotion as I sat quietly, but later in the day guidance would spontaneously arise when I needed it. I had opened a channel during the quiet time of sitting, and the channel was being used when it was needed.”

My Thoughts

Many people think they don’t hear an answer when they ask for one. From my own experience I have seen that sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t, at least, I don’t get an answer right away. But as Regina points out, asking for an answer opens my mind to receive it when it is needed.

I, too, find it very helpful to write the answer as it comes. I do this so that I can contemplate it and so that I can go back to it later when it needs to be refreshed in my mind. I also do it for another reason. Sometimes I have to start writing just to get my mind fixed on hearing and to keep it from wandering away to something else. Also, I might not be getting anything, but if I start writing, it starts flowing.

Another thing I have discovered is that sometimes I just cannot hear a thought in my mind that seems to be coming from Spiritual Inspiration. I understand that somehow I am blocking it, but that’s OK. I can let it come another way. I leave this up to the Sender. It might come from another person or a book.

It might come from something said in a movie or off of a bumper sticker. These days, it is more likely to come from something I read on Facebook. The point is, if I am sincere in wanting an answer, the Holy Spirit will get it to me in some way that I can understand. I have chosen to practice daily asking and receiving answers because I want to open that channel and keep it open.

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Gentle Healing Journal Day 74. 12-20-18

Journal for Day 74
LESSON 70
My salvation comes from me.

“2 The seeming cost of accepting today’s idea is this: It means that nothing outside yourself can save you; nothing outside yourself can give you peace. But it also means that nothing outside yourself can hurt you, or disturb your peace or upset you in any way. Today’s idea places you in charge of the universe, where you belong because of what you are. This is not a role that can be partially accepted. And you must surely begin to see that accepting it is salvation.”

I used to think that I could be happy if only something in the world changed. Maybe if I had more money, or a new customer, or if my children would only be safe, always something outside my own mind was my salvation. I was like a child in my thinking. I even had the thought that God should save me from my own choices and my own thoughts. If only He would just snatch me up out of this illusion and bring me back to Him.

I don’t believe these things at all. Except for when I do. When I worry about my son, I am, in effect, making him responsible for my happiness. The difference now is that I believe it briefly, then I release that belief. It is a stubborn one, though, and I pick it up again and again. Even though, I do this, I know, I absolutely know that my son’s unhappiness is not an attack on my peace and his happiness is not the solution to my lack of peace. It is just the latest justification and not one I really believe.

My problems are in one place only and that is in my mind. The solution is in the same place and so if I am not finding the solution, I must be looking for it with my eyes closed shut against it. I am learning to face this and to make new decisions based on what I really want, which is the peace of God. And I am willing to finally admit that the peace of God is not found in my son’s behavior changing, but in my own mind changing.

I think that I must lose weight in order to be happy. In my mind I want to say that this attempt to place my salvation outside my reach is pretty shallow and even silly. But the truth is, this overweight body is an illusion and my son’s body is equally an illusion. The story of Myron and her son is an illusion. The keyboard is an illusion. The computer is an illusion. None of it is real so how could one error in an illusion be worse or more important, or even different than another. It is all the same.

“My salvation cannot come from any of these things. My salvation comes from me and only from me.”

And thank God for that! I want to awaken, and God wants me to awaken. He placed the solution to my problem in my mind right where it was needed. It has taken me a long time it seems to decide that I really want the solution, but that time has come. I was having trouble seeing my son as simply a symbol of the separation idea, and it still makes me flinch to say it now. But either the world is an illusion or its not.

What makes this possible for me is that I know that my love is not an illusion. The idea of mother and son will not endure, and so it is not something I will cling to. I know for a fact that when I let go of the form of the relationship, I enjoy it far more and it stops being a block to universal love. I know it because I have experienced it. I also know that I cannot hold onto any idols if I want to walk through the clouds to the light within. And when I give up the illusion of a relationship, I experience true union instead.

“Try to pass the clouds by whatever means appeals to you. If it helps you, think of me holding your hand and leading you. And I assure you this will be no idle fantasy.”

And so I call on Jesus to be with me, to hold my hand and I believe in him and his promise.

That was a lovely meditation. No light, but a beautiful peace.

Regina’s Tip on this lesson. (https://awakening-together.org/tips-from-regina-lesson-71-only-gods-plan-for-salvation-will-work/)

This was such a helpful tip that instead of quoting the part that stands out to me, I am quoting most of it.

“My salvation comes from me” does not mean that the little self saves itself. It cannot. Nor does it mean that absolutely nothing is required of the little self.

It may be helpful to look at it this way: There is no clear dividing line between the little self and truth. The little self’s mental chatter is like the foam on a wave. The personal sense of self is like a wave. Internal wisdom is like the part of the ocean that can be reached by the light of the sun. The source is like the depth of the ocean that is beyond the sun’s reach. Although on the one hand there are degrees of difference between these aspects of the ocean, they are all ocean.

In this figurative example, you are the ocean. If you are the ocean, then you are the mental chatter, the individual sense of self, internal wisdom and the source. So when we say that your salvation comes from you, all these parts of you can participate in your salvation.

• The part of the mind that engages in mental chatter can contemplate the workbook lesson or practice inquiry instead of chattering meaninglessly
• The sense of self can rest in awareness instead of resting in mental chatter
• Inner wisdom can provide guidance
• The source can awaken us entirely

As you see, “my salvation comes from me,” but it doesn’t come from one part of me in a vacuum. All parts of me cooperate in salvation. From the perspective of the little self, I have a part in my awakening and God (grace, the universe) has a part in my awakening too. So as yesterday’s lesson emphasized, I do my part and trust that God (the deeper parts of the ocean) will do its part.

Awakening is a focus for the whole of me, or all of me, as one joined will.

My Thoughts
I don’t know that I need to add much to this. The one thing that I will comment on is the last paragraph. As Regina says, from the perspective of the little self, I have a part and God has a part. From my perspective, I recognize that God includes me, not me as my ego self, but me as I was created. Perhaps my perspective is not fully Regina’s perspective, but close enough that I understand and can make use of everything Regina said in this tip.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 73. 12-18-18

Journal for Day 73
LESSON 69
My grievances hide the light of the world in me.

“2 Today let us make another real attempt to reach the light in you. Before we undertake this in our more extended practice period, let us devote several minutes to thinking about what we are trying to do. We are literally attempting to get in touch with the salvation of the world. We are trying to see past the veil of darkness that keeps it concealed. We are trying to let the veil be lifted, and to see the tears of God’s Son disappear in the sunlight.

3 Let, us begin our longer practice period today with the full realization that this is so, and with real determination to reach what is dearer to us than all else. Salvation is our only need. There is no other purpose here, and no other function to fulfill. Learning salvation is our only goal. Let us end the ancient search today by finding the light in us, and holding it up for everyone who searches with us to look upon and rejoice.”

“Your little effort and small determination call on the power of the universe to help you, and God Himself will raise you from darkness into light.”

“Then let the power of God work in you and through you, that His Will and yours be done.”

I find The Code (https://awakening-together.org/the-code/) to be very helpful to me. I know that it is not truth but then what is in this world? It is a helpful idea that reflects truth in a simple way that helps me to detach from the world and that is good enough for me. On the other hand, the poetic language and the passion, the majesty of this lesson and passages from the Course like it make my heart soar. Also, though I know there must be some fear of God and Reality still in my mind, there is also a deep and abiding love for God and for a higher Purpose.

I feel a heart achingly longing for Home. And despite all of that, I did not reach the light. My mind wanted to return to the familiar thoughts and though I finally moved past that and to peace, nothing else occurred. Still, that is much further than I have ever gone before, so perhaps next time.

Regina’s Tip for this lesson.
~ Awakening is possible for me
~ Awakening is God’s (the universe’s) will for all of us
~ If I simply put one foot in front of the other consistently and do not forget my purpose, God (the universe) will recognize my readiness and naturally respond by doing its part

When we walk the middle way, we remember to practice and we practice willingly, but we also have confidence in something beyond the little self to assist in bringing us to truth. We don’t have lack of interest and we aren’t struggling like we have to bend the universe against its will. We have confidence that we are working in cooperation with God (the universe) in a joined will, one we are becoming fully ready for now. … God (the universe) was already ready.

My Thoughts
This tip from Regina is very encouraging to me because I do walk the middle way and my desire and willingness grow daily. I was just given the thought that I must not let my desire and willingness become my function. It is the way I achieve my function, but it can also become a goal in itself, a way to be comfortable as a seeker without ever taking that last step and becoming the one that found what she sought. I get that.

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