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Study of Text, Chapter 13:The Guiltlessness Son of God P 7. 6-13-16

II. THE GUILTLESS SON OF GOD, P 7
7 This course has explicitly stated that its goal for you is happiness and peace. Yet you are afraid of it. You have been told again and again that it will set you free, yet you sometimes react as if it is trying to imprison you. You often dismiss it more readily than you dismiss the ego’s thought system. To some extent, then, you must believe that by not learning the course you are protecting yourself. And you do not realize that it is only your guiltlessness that can protect you.

Journal
My immediate thought was that this could not be true for me anymore. Surely, I am not afraid of peace and happiness. I know this used to be true, but not now. I am not resisting the Course, I don’t think it is imprisoning me. I want this and I practice it and make it part of my life so this could not possibly apply to me. Sigh. Then I asked Jesus how this applies to me.

I was resistant to this but I also wanted to look at it. So Jesus helped me out by doing this slowly, a step at a time. He knows I learn from concrete examples so he used one that has been in my life for a long time. First he reminded me of today’s lesson in which I included a conversation with Holy Spirit about body image. Then he brought my attention to the thoughts I had this morning about my body. I had to shop for clothes yesterday and this brought to my attention that I have gained more weight than I realized. I had to buy a larger size.

As I looked in the mirror I thought about losing weight and I felt my familiar confusion about what that means. Should I even care? If so, does trying to lose weight through adjusting my eating habits make sense? After all, this is a matter of beliefs being projected outward. Shouldn’t I focus on changing my beliefs, and if so, how do I do that? I am not happy and I am not at peace.

So then Jesus directed me to this paragraph again. As I read it, I realized that I did not really want an answer about how to see this body image problem. I don’t want to be told that it is not important. Not even if accepting it as not important would bring me back to peace and happiness. I don’t want to be imprisoned in this bigger body, so the words of the Course seem to be imprisoning me.

And what does this have to do with guilt anyway? Well, when I asked, I realized that I feel guilty for being overweight and guilty for caring, and guilty for wanting to change that and guilty for resisting a different way to see. Ok. I see the guilt. Ha ha. So what is next, Jesus? What do you want me to notice now? I was then brought to something Cate Grieves posted on her Timeline and I shared on mine because it felt so meaningful to me, and yet was something I resist. Here is what it said.

“The lack of everything – money, love, friends, health is caused by the mind believing there is a “self” that “cannot have something it wants.”

Ok, this applies. I believe that I lack a body image that appeals to me and so I think I cannot have something I want. More importantly, I think there is a “self” that wants this, and that is the real problem. I believe in that self and think it is me. Then she said:

“The self we think we are doesn’t exist. It’s made up by the mind. So on the chance you actually get more of what you want, the mind will go straight back into belief of lack. Because the mind (ego) is the cause. The belief that there is a you that needs something is the cause.”

Oh man. Talk about conflicted thinking! I know this is true. I understand this. I don’t want it to be true, and yet I do want it to be true. Yikes! Ok, this self I think of as me, which includes the body of Myron, is not me. I made it up, body and all, as well as the belief that it cannot have what it thinks it wants. As long as I keep the belief in lack, it will continue to manifest in this story of Myron, including in the body of Myron.

I know this is true because I have watched it occur over and over throughout this lifetime. I don’t want this to be true because it would mean I would have to look at the body thing differently, and I just want to go on a diet and lose weight. I want it to be true because if it is, I might can learn to see differently and this lifetime problem will be over, and I will be free of it, and happy and peaceful. See my problem? I am conflicted.

Cate ends this message in this way.

“If there was no story of “you” needing anything, everything would be just provided in this moment and the unchangeable awareness that is you, would be still and happy and just expressing love. Because there is nothing to do or get.”

And my one track ego mind skips the whole wonderful true me and the thought that comes from it is, “Does this mean I will be thinner or that I will have to be fat?” Holy cow. What a mind that ego is. Missed the point, Myron? But I see that I really want what is offered in that last paragraph. I want to be free of the belief in lack. I want to feel like and respond from, the true self. I want to live as my true self, so I am willing to do this. How do I do it, Jesus?

The next thought that comes into my mind from Jesus is to use the Rules for Decision. I feel some strong resistance to this and I know that it is because this will make a real difference and I am still not certain I want this change. At least I am still conflicted about it. I still want it and don’t want it. But I am going to do it anyway. So here goes.

When I look in the mirror I feel dissatisfied and unhappy. I feel judged and found wanting and I want to change the mirror image until it is something that makes me feel worthy. I recognize that this assessment is coming from the ego mind. This means I asked the ego for its judgment. As usual the ego finds me guilty and I have accepted its judgment of guilt.

But I remember that I don’t want to judge the situation because I don’t want to set the rules about how I react to it. As long as I decide what this image in the mirror means and what it is for, I will react in a certain way. I will have made up my mind and then asked what I should do. That is when I get the thought that this image means I lack and am unworthy. From that judgment, I decide the thing to do is to lose weight and so feel worthy again.

I recognize this as ego, and I have tried this solution so often that I know for sure it is going to work only briefly, if at all. So now I am going change my mind to something that will work. I am going to cancel this judgment, and I am going to ask the Holy Spirit to advise me, rather than listening to ego. Jesus says to do this step by step and not to skip any of them.

The first step, the cancellation, says this:

I have no question. I forgot what to decide.

I thought I knew the question, based on the ego judgment. The question was, what do I change to get the appearance that I want? But I am cancelling out that question because I forgot to decide to ask the Holy Spirit for his interpretation of the problem.

The next step is very gentle and non-confrontational.

At least I can decide I do not like what I feel now.

As I sit with that idea, I realize how true it is. I feel bad about myself. I feel unworthy and helpless. I feel like the situation is hopeless because I never solve it for more than a short period of time. I feel like a failure and I feel guilty. No, I don’t like how I feel.

The next step is also easy, and is a natural progression from the previous step.

And so I hope I have been wrong.

I sit with that one, too, and I see that I can say this and believe it. I do hope I have been wrong about how I see this. The only way I can feel better is if I have been wrong. It is a small step but it does open me to the possibility of something else.

The next step is a further opening to something else, another small step in that direction.

I want another way to look at this.

Right now I think my problem is how much I weigh. I think that what I see in the mirror defines me and not in a good way. I think that I am in a hopeless situation. But I don’t like how this makes me feel and so I hope I have been wrong about this assessment. I want another way to look at this. Yes, I really do want another way, though looking in the mirror I can’t think what that would be. Still, if there is another way, I want it.

The next step doesn’t ask me to be certain or even to understand. It only asks that I take a step through the small opening I have made in my mind.

Perhaps there is another way to look at this. What can I lose by asking?

I sat with this and I realized that Jesus is asking for just a small willingness, a little bit of trust that he knows what he is doing and that he wants me to be happy. He doesn’t want me to sacrifice anything, just to consider that I am wrong about what I think the sacrifice would be.

I am not going to think about this too much, because the ego mind would like to draw me back in to the habitual way of thinking, and that does not make me happy. I am willing to consider that not only am I not guilty for the body I have projected, but that I have never been guilty. I am willing to believe there is another way to see this and that it would be good for me to know what that is.

I am also going to do the Rules for Decision on the idea that there is no “me” that needs anything, being a scary thought. I have been very attached to the idea of a self that wants and a self that cannot have. I accept as a concept that I made this up and that there is a “me” that is real, but I am uncertain about what this feels like if fully known as reality. I tell myself that this is not a problem. I know I am not the ego. I know that I am spirit. But I act like an ego, and I often live my life in fear, guilt and lack, so I have not let that little self go. I am going to explore that fear as well.

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Study of Text, Chapter 13: II.The Guiltless Son of God, P 6. 6-9-16

II. THE GUILTLESS SON OF GOD, P 6
6 I have said that the crucifixion is the symbol of the ego. When it was confronted with the real guiltlessness of God’s Son it did attempt to kill him, and the reason it gave was that guiltlessness is blasphemous to God. To the ego, the ego is God, and guiltlessness must be interpreted as the final guilt that fully justifies murder. You do not yet understand that any fear you may experience in connection with this course stems ultimately from this interpretation, but if you will consider your reactions to it you will become increasingly convinced that this is so.

Journal
I have a customer who thinks that being religious means fearing God. He feels strongly about this and utterly believes that God wants his fear and so, whether he thinks this out or not, to him, God is a scary dude. When I hear him talk about it I see that this God of his is really the ego definition of God. He has nothing to do with the God of Love I am getting to know.

I am pretty sure if I asked my customer about guilt, he would embrace it with great enthusiasm since it would enhance his belief that God wants his fear. Doubtless he wears his guilt like a badge of honor, as he does his fear. If I were to say to him that I am guiltless he would be appalled at my audacity and would probably worry about my salvation. So I understand what Jesus is saying here. Now I am wondering how this applies to me in my everyday life.

I don’t have those conscious beliefs about God, and to the extent I used to, I have overcome them. But unconscious guilt is still in my mind, just hiding out a bit. I see it when I “wish things were different.” And when I think someone should be or act differently. I see it when I feel regret or shame. I see it when I punish myself through making the body sick. And there it is, the fear of God peeking is peeking out. Let me punish myself before God does.

All resistance to this Course is guilt and fear. I think I don’t have any more resistance and then I come across something I don’t understand. This is very simple stuff and quite understandable by all who want to understand it. When I don’t understand some part of it, I step back and wait for the Holy Spirit to help me accept. He will remove my fear and my guilt if that is my desire. He does it often, so I know this is true. Then understanding dawns fully upon my willing mind.

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Study of Text, Chapter 13: II.The Guiltless Son of God, P 5. 6-8-16

II. THE GUILTLESS SON OF GOD, P 5

5 In the calm light of truth, let us recognize that you believe you have crucified God’s Son. You have not admitted to this “terrible” secret because you would still wish to crucify him if you could find him. Yet the wish has hidden him from you because it is very fearful, and so you are afraid to find him. You have handled this wish to kill yourself by not knowing who you are, and identifying with something else. You have projected guilt blindly and indiscriminately, but you have not uncovered its source. For the ego does want to kill you, and if you identify with it you must believe its goal is yours.

Journal
I have family members who are atheists, and I often think that they have put themselves in a bad place. They don’t know God and so don’t know themselves. This is very frightening even if they don’t understand the cause of the unease. More frightening perhaps, since they are uneasy but don’t know why. But really, are they any different than me? I say I believe in God, but do I know God? And if I don’t know God, I don’t know myself. The only difference perhaps is that I know there is a problem.

As I understand this, Jesus says that we tell ourselves that we don’t know who we are and that we are afraid to know. Instead we claim a different identity, we identify with something else. That something else is the ego, and the ego wants to kill us. We are the Son of God, and so we, in effect, identifying with the ego, believe we want to kill our self. This has caused a great deal of fear and guilt which we project blindly and indiscriminately, never understanding why, really.

So whether I believe in God or am an atheist, I still suffer from an identity crisis. And I also suffer from hidden but intense guilt and fear. Happiness, peace, innocence and freedom are antithesis to me. I may not remember why I am guilty, but I am aware of the guilt. I cannot possibly be worthy of these lofty aspirations. Instead I spend my life in an effort to crucify the Son of God.

That seems pretty harsh, but if I examine my life carefully I see that it must be true. I see evidence of unworthiness. I see a heart black with guilt, and I witness the futile effort to rid myself of the resultant guilt through self-punishment, or through projection. No wonder I deny what Jesus has to say about my innocence and about God’s love for me. Who am I to accept these gifts? Who is this God that gives without condition? I don’t know either God or His Son.

I have been studying and practicing the Course, though. I have been slowly giving up the source of this all pervasive guilt, and even more slowly I have come to believe in a God of Love even if I have not yet completely accepted that this love is for me. Each time I see guilt in the mind, and each time that I deny its reality, I come closer to remembering who I am and accepting God as my Father. Through the denial of guilt in all its forms I am learning to deny the ego rather than God.

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Study of Text, Chapter 13: II.The Guiltless Son of God, P 4. 6-7-16

II. THE GUILTLESS SON OF GOD, P 4

4 Much of the ego’s strange behavior is directly attributable to its definition of guilt. To the ego, the guiltless are guilty. Those who do not attack are its “enemies” because, by not valuing its interpretation of salvation, they are in an excellent position to let it go. They have approached the darkest and deepest cornerstone in the ego’s foundation, and while the ego can withstand your raising all else to question, it guards this one secret with its life, for its existence depends on keeping this secret. So it is this secret that we must look upon, for the ego cannot protect you against truth, and in its presence the ego is dispelled.

Journal
So the ego sees us as guilty of “egocide” when we think we are guiltless. Jeez. Accepting that Jesus is right and guilt is an illusion and doesn’t exist at all, would undo the ego. It seems so simple and obvious that I don’t know what else to write. But I also know that that even as I sit here writing this, I am so annoyed with Microsoft Word and with Windows 10 that I could scream. What else is that except guilt. I find these companies to be guilty. I wish the repairmen on the road would move on down. The noise is distracting. Instead, I wish I was at my house listening to the birds sing to me as I write this. Wishing things were different is just another way of judging and finding guilt.

Guilt shows up in many ways and some of those ways seem valuable to me. I will learn to live with Windows 10 and I will adjust to the noise outside, but it took me years to let go of the grievance against my ex-husband. That seemed hard even though there is no hierarchy of illusions, and so it is no different than the noisy repairmen. It seems harder only because I valued the grievance against my ex more than I value the grievance against the repairmen.

The truth is, we must give up guilt in all its forms if we are to undo the ego. So I do what I can. I notice guilty thoughts and I remember that the peace of God is everything I want. Do I want my ex husband to be guilty, or do I want the peace of God? Do I want the morning to be filled with the songs of birds rather than the noise of street construction? Or do I want the peace of God? If the peace of God is everything I want, then I must decide. As I decide for the peace of God, guilt is undone because there is no guilt in peace. As the guilt is undone, so is the ego.

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Myron Jones.

Study of Text, Chapter 13: II.The Guiltless Son of God, P 3. 6-6-16

II. THE GUILTLESS SON OF GOD, P 3

3 The darkest of your hidden cornerstones holds your belief in guilt from your awareness. For in that dark and secret place is the realization that you have betrayed God’s Son by condemning him to death. You do not even suspect this murderous but insane idea lies hidden there, for the ego’s destructive urge is so intense that nothing short of the crucifixion of God’s Son can ultimately satisfy it. It does not know who the Son of God is because it is blind. Yet let it perceive guiltlessness anywhere, and it will try to destroy it because it is afraid.

Journal

I had to read this a couple of times and to ask Jesus to help me understand it. I think the ego mind pushes against truth so simple and clear-cut and the mind refuses to understand. We chose the separation experience and in that choice guilt came into existence. All unfolded and with it, pain, suffering and death. So in that sense, we condemned the Son of God to death through our choice for separation.

We believe this happened in reality rather than in dreams and the guilt for what we believe we did is so intense that we keep that belief buried deep within our mind. But guilt and fear and insane beliefs can be hidden from our conscious awareness, but they still do their damage. The belief that we are guilty for condemning the Son of God to death shows up in so many ways throughout our day as forms of vengeance.

We crucify ourselves daily as we suffer sickness, poverty, hate, and so many forms of fear that they cannot all be named. We live lives of quiet desperation until the desperation becomes so intense that it takes a stronger and more destructive form. We push the unnamed guilt away by seeing it on someone else, not realizing that the someone else is part of our self, and so we wind up intensifying the sense of guilt rather than losing it.

But we remain the Son of God, and into this awful scenario A Course in Miracles is given and a memory of innocence and purity is awakened. The ego really hates this and is deeply afraid of it. It will fight every step of the way to keep guiltlessness at bay, pointing out our sins and the hopelessness of the situation. Who has not felt that before?

Who has not tried to practice the lessons and failed? Who has not tried to see with Christ’s Vision and only succeeded in judging instead? The ego says this means we are guilty and that guiltlessness is a foolish dream. But it is not guiltlessness that is the dream, but the ego. We are the Sons of God. We are perfect and holy and guiltless. And though we can dream of death, we are eternal. We are all that in spite of the ego mind we made. Nothing destroys our perfection, and certainly not dreams of guilt.

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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